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or just like mostly sane…like I could settle for that

I would simply love to have parents that aren’t mentally ill

I just be doing shit fr I need my phone taken away

it’s like Whoa why’d I do that again?

unfortunately experiencing another case of post-like clarity

THAT… wasn’t very clear

someone should take my phone away I’m so serious

why the FUCK did I say that

the hell am i supposed to say to that…

also making plans & trying to make new friends and hanging with coworkers and whatnot just fun stuff to look forward to

I’ve also put less importance on things that were stressing me out

I’ve been journaling a lot more & being less negative towards myself and it’s been helping a lot

we will now be focusing on Lani and healing not the validation and attention of others 😅

sister did a tarot reading on me the other day and it read me so bad

going darker because even though I like this color, my hair is FRIED

dying my hair & its longgg overdue my roots were crazy

then he cut his hair & sent me a terrible selfie and it gave me the ick but I STILL dated him for a bit & convinced myself it wasn’t as bad in person 😭

like the mtg dude from a while ago that I dated was like sort of a dirty blonde and he had No eyebrows and not in a fun alt way they just were Not there and he was So Pale

blonde ppl still freak me out a little im ngl

back in my reading era fr 🙏🏾

reading is so fun never kill yourself

you guys I just love books

had to stop reading because 1.) it’s late and 2.) the next chapter was directly after R completely trampled over F & made her feel incompetent & unstable again so it made me anxious about F reverting back to being overly codependent on R & possibly cutting off W because of it 😬

it’s actually R who doesn’t know how to function without basing her live around F… even her own relationship with O is suffering because of it

& that it’s only a matter of time before she does something horrible again..in fact R reminds her of it all the time… R thinks F is a puzzle that only she can figure out & is more attached than F is…she thinks F needs her and can’t do anything in her own but

& doesnt mind her quirks. Even after he find out her “horrible secret” he consoles her and doesn’t view her or treat her as some monster and actually it reveals that it was an accident & she does feel incredible remorse but R is the one who wanted to bury it & convinced F that she cant be left alone

W is so good for her PLEASE don’t let R ruin this…he actually cares about her and views her as her own person rather than as a child or ticking time 💣 he doesn’t correct her behavior & is straightforward and doesnt expect her to just figure out every social cue he understands when she is overwhelmed

F is very obviously neurodivergent but was so neglected and abused that she never got properly diagnosed for anything & just feels like an outsider and like she can’t do anything right & has to rely on R to explain things to her or how to “act or respond properly”

omg i just realized R’s pov is form a journal that her therapist recommended she start…so what if something bad happened and this is after like what if SHE did something

F may take after their mom physically but R is starting to act like her…