Parody Nigel Farage

My meeting with Donald Trump went very much as expected.

"I said it's quite bold of Nigel Farage to go to the US to side with Donald Trump against his own country. What did I say Roy?"
"You said he's a treacherous self-serving sack of shit"

Why would the people of Durham not vote Reform - what's not to like about increasing council tax, cutting £12.9m from services, having a Deputy Leader who posts AI lies or a Leader who ran two companies that went bust owing more than £500k in tax?

Boris Johnson says Keir Starmer has made us an irrelevance on the world stage...

My meeting with Donald Trump went very much as expected.

Why would the people of Durham not vote Reform - what's not to like about increasing council tax, cutting £12.9m from services, having a Deputy Leader who posts AI lies or a Leader who ran two companies that went bust owing more than £500k in tax?

Who better to accuse others of being a laughing stock than the sexually incontinent compulsive liar who can't dress himself and combs his hair with a balloon?

“Dear Diary,
Super excited to say that I’ll be serving my Clacton constituents today by flying to Mar-a-Lago to meet Donald Trump and to undermine the UK government. God I love being a patriot!”

Reform's Treasurer and star of the Epstein files, Nick Candy, says he feels safer in Dubai than in London.
If I know Nick, he'd rather get bombed than pay any tax. What a patriot!

Reform councillor Graham Eardley has been suspended for behaving so aggressively towards a female volunteer that security had to escort him out. That’s at least 63 Reform councillors gone in ten months – nearly one in ten!

We had a fantastic launch for our Senedd election manifesto in Wales. Just a shame my good friend, senior colleague, former Leader of Reform in Wales and convicted traitor, Nathan Gill, couldn’t be with us to enjoy it.

Won’t someone think of the smug, wealthy tax-dodgers?

Today we launch our plan for Wales, putting behind us the dark days when Nathan Gill, the Leader of Reform in Wales, took bribes to do the bidding of foreigners.
In other news, we have just had another £3million donation from a crypto investor who lives in Thailand...

Today the world’s media turned away from the war in Iran to focus on the Reform UK Press Conference to hear me announce… the defection of a couple of councillors that nobody’s ever heard of or gives a shit about.

WANTED: Morons, racists, fuckwits, criminals, bigots and numbskulls to stand as Reform UK candidates. Total ignorance of local authorities preferred and we promise not to check your social media history!

If these people are found to be working for a foreign power, Keir Starmer will be personally responsible. Whereas when a senior Reform colleague is jailed for ten years for taking bribes from Russia, that is nothing to do with me.

GB News loses £22m, taking their total losses to over £130m. Except it's not a 'loss', it's an investment by Paul Marshall in providing a propaganda service to platform right wing grifters, gobshites, conspiracy nutters and contrarian fuckwits.

I must apologise for Richard Stupid Tice not understanding that no gas or oil is ‘our own’ because Maggie Thatcher sold it off, so it is all sold by private companies on the global market. Norway did not sell theirs off and now have a sovereign wealth fund of £1.6trillion.

"We called London a war zone and moved to Dubai by mistake"

It's almost as though things you say on social media can have real world consequences after all.

I feel confident that the sort of people who moved to Dubai to avoid paying tax would say that those fleeing war in other countries are not our concern and they should seek refuge in a neighbouring country. In this case I’d suggest Iran, which they can reach by small boat.

That feeling when you hype up a dramatic 'bombshell' revelation about Rachel Reeves meeting someone, only to find there's a photo of you meeting the same person.

Rachel Reeves needs to be careful who she is seen with. She ought to take a leaf out of my book and hang around with someone charged with rape, human trafficking, controlling prostitution and actual bodily harm then describe him as "an important voice for young men".

Who better to pontificate on dodgy relationships than the man who helped a billionaire pornographer avoid £45m tax in exchange for a £10k donation.

Sorry mate, but that’s not a scandal. A scandal is more like when an MP is seen with Eddy Butler, a former BNP activist and founder member of Nazi group Combat 18.

"Dear Diary,
After getting a sound thrashing in the by-election, I decided to blame the loss on Muslim women not being allowed to vote for the racists who have spent the last few years demonising them."

Reform UK proposals for future elections:
-if Reform loses, there was fraud and cheating
-if Reform wins, it was fair

Isabel Oakeshott reports from a dangerous war zone that somehow isn't London.

The Foreign Office have issued official advice for UK citizens who now live in Dubai:
"You're on your own you tax-dodging bastards! Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha!"

How many more countries does Donald Trump have to bomb before he gets a Nobel Peace Prize?