Parody Nigel Farage

Fantastic scoop on this disgraceful Labour government! And a lovely bit of journalism to deliberately not mention that this happened in 2022 under a Tory government.

I didn't have the heart to explain to Zia Yusuf that a made up title doesn't become real just because you order a podium with it written on.

I felt it was my patriotic and humanitarian duty to visit the Chagos Islands, even though I knew in advance that it wasn't possible.
In unrelated news, The Maldives is lovely at this time of year.

Fantastic scoop on this disgraceful Labour government! And a lovely bit of journalism to deliberately not mention that this happened in 2022 under a Tory government.

I felt it was my patriotic and humanitarian duty to visit the Chagos Islands, even though I knew in advance that it wasn't possible.
In unrelated news, The Maldives is lovely at this time of year.

What the country needs most at times like this is to hear from the bloviating oaf who partied during lockdown, lied his arse off to Parliament and screwed the country with the shittest possible Brexit deal.

Alexa - what does Hell look like?

Here I am having a holiday while lying about the government stopping me going to the Chagos Islands, where nobody can go without a permit. Still, who needs facts when your followers are thick and gullible?

'Nasty and violent' Kent councillor jailed for coercive behaviour Ex-Reform UK councillor for Cliftonville, Daniel Taylor, receives a prison term and loses his seat.

Reform councillor jailed for coercive control after telling his wife he would kill her, put her in the boot of his car and set fire to it. Bit of a shame, as he seemed like an ideal candidate for Shadow Chief Whip.
www.bbc.co.uk/news/article...

Matt Goodwin was accused of making inappropriate comments to a young woman. I was made aware and said “that is just Matt being Matt”. In other words, he can't help behaving like a twat because that's what he is.

Charlie is right - people should act more like immigrants from northern Europe who came here in small boats.

It is unfair to suggest that Robert Jenrick defected to Reform simply to advance his career. He also did it because he has no principles at all.

"Dear Diary,
They have arrested Andrew Mountbatten Windsor. What the police are calling 'misconduct in public office', sounds very much like what I call my day job"

Ah well, at least Andrew was allowed to leave police custody with quiet dignity and grace.

A man has been arrested in Norfolk. Police say they are unable to name the sweaty nonce at this time.

Reform UK want to scrap the Equality Act and leave the ECHR. Yes, this will leave ordinary people open to being exploited by unscrupulous business owners and politicians, but my rich donors and I promise not to take advantage. Trust me, I'm a man of the people.

Remember how the thick kid would be given a made up job like pencil monitor?
Anyway, Robert Jenrick is now Shadow Chancellor.

I considered giving Lee Anderson a Shadow cabinet role but decided that even a pretend job was beyond him.

Many thanks to Zia Yusuf for helping us redefine 'Shadow Minister' to mean someone who isn't in the official party of Opposition, isn't even elected and whose only role is being a toxic gobshite.

On the passing of Jesse Jackson, let us take a moment to reflect on what a narcissistic, selfish sack of shit Donald Trump is.

It gives me great pleasure to confirm that our new Shadow Foreign Secretary is Nathan Gill. Under his guidance, we look forward to much improved relations with Russia.

Richard Tice was the obvious choice to be in charge of energy, as he is so familiar with the requirements of those people with links to fossil fuels and climate change who gave us £2.3million.

I thought it best to appoint failed Tories to my Shadow Cabinet, as their experience will help us to achieve our aims more quickly. Having already trashed the country once, they should be able to do it even faster next time.

Yes, we only have 8 MPs so we can’t have a Shadow Cabinet, but please remember that my supporters are far too thick to know about things like that.

Our message to young voters is "Vote Reform if you feel overpaid on £10 an hour"

Even Lee Anderson knows we can't have a shadow cabinet. Never thought I'd look stupid compared to him!

Who better to have as Chancellor than Robert Jenrick, the man who helped a billionaire pornographer avoid £45m tax in exchange for a £10k donation.

Liz Truss meets Trump. Fingers crossed she hasn't lost her touch.

I can't tell you how upsetting it is that Rupert Lowe has stolen my idea of building a political party on the cult worship of one rich, privately educated charlatan who pretends to give a shit about ordinary people.

Rupert Lowe reveals how Restore Britain will check whether people are British or not.