How many times can you order only calamari from a place before it gets weird

Lmao I choked in my uber this is what I get

I'm so tired of head hurting

Love finding someone else with the same extremely niche comfort character and sharing that unspoken understanding that you both have the same mental illness

All the hot girls spiral into madness

Also yeah, not dead, my body has just been exploding because why wouldn't it?

This is a very niche complaint but it pisses me tf off when my episodic cluster headaches choose a different time of year to start. My bouts have ALWAYS been in winter and I already paid my dues in February. What do you mean we're doing June now???? I'm going to commit a crime.

Need an Argiope aurantia so bad rn

No fr cause why did they make me go through a gauntlet to find the flashlight

Past age 25, phone updates that rearrange everything feel exactly the same as someone dropping you in the middle of the woods with no map and no resources to make you claw your way back to civilization

It's amazing how the best method to catch like 1/3 of wild animals is to just throw a dish cloth over it and grab it

Million dollar idea: an allergy med that doesn't render you unconscious or make you feel like you've been made to walk the plank over shark infested waters

Yeah, I can see auras. No, it's not a migraine, it's just that everyone has a blurry rainbow appearance because I'm psychic. I ran into that wall because its aura was so strong.

Everybody shut up and look at my nepenthes bicalcarata

My ideal fantasy: you bring me a nice cold glass of chocolate milk and then leave me the fuck alone

I'm in prison. I'm in prison, and I have no utensil to eat my snack.

I long to return home. The mechanic won't let me go. They keep asking me car riddles about my car. I don't know the answers, car riddler. All I know is bug facts. Free me.

What if we kissed under my nepenthes bicalcarata

Can you believe it, me, the owner of a nepenthes bicalcarata? Heh, and they say dreams don't come true. Later nerds, I've ascended to a plane you can only aspire to.

Okay

Would kill for a jello cup rn

What the absolute fuck is the point of skim milk

Does someone pop out and shoot you if you use a regular whisk for matcha and not the bamboo thing? I'm literally shaking

Ahh we meet again, my mortal enemy, dryer sounds

Cognitive dissonance is really incredible, because a family member can go "Yeah, I had a horrible experience with (mutual family member), and all of these other people have had the EXACT same horrible experience with (mutual family member), but this time for sure it's the other person's fault."

Behold. My sick as hell 1920s/30s strawberry lamp, of which I have 2. Haters will say it's fake

I can't believe no one on fb marketplace is getting rid of a china hutch in exactly the right dimensions and style I want for $50. Clearly, they hate me and want me to die.

"Daddy issues": overdone, stale, lacks pizzazz

"Father bothers": fresh, intellectual, brimming with pizzazz

Living the dream tbh