Fher Garcia

Ay man…that’s a flagrant 2 😂

Trapped it in a Tupperware container and set it free outside. You keep them around because they hunt and kill the spiders that can actually send you to the hospital with a bite (Aussie versions of recluse and black widows).

Baby huntsman spider on my pantry door

Woke up to this in my house, yesterday. That’s a baby

Curb - Larry picking up the hooker to go to Dodger Stadium

First time I believe I said, “Sandler knows he doesn’t have to do a weird voice for EVERY movie, right?”

When he had Ingraham on his show to promote her “Obama Diary” book and just legit called her a shitty writer to her face was (chefs kiss)

My wife when I’m trying to read. Gonna sit and tell me about her whole day, but when I ask a question when she’s got a book open……

Saw someone get chin checked to “Call Me Maybe” and that man must have been in hell all damn summer.

I’m international and I can already tell the blackout rules on these games is going to piss me off.

That book has been sitting on my shelf for a year, and it might stay there for another few years before I’m ready.

They’re all over Twitter, but I think Bluesky needs to hear your thoughts on Hank Jr.

Getting grease stains off your “good shirt” for child custody hearings

Priced at $1.5 million, this two-bedroom bungalow will send a clear message to every working-class family still in the neighborhood that their days are truly numbered. Reference #7086

Real Estate: The Beginning Of The End

Ya know, I had my doubts about this Melania documentary but I’m man enough to admit when I’m wrong. This is fascinating.

When yo mama leaves the Principal’s office and calls your deddy to give him the run down on why she had to go down to the school cuz you were acting like you ain’t have any home training:

It appears that this legend owns a little bookstore — and you can order books from him instead of Bezos. Link in next post.

i believe the photographer who is taking the photo is Christopher Katsarov of the Canadian Press, and here is his photo

Sancho knowing EXACTLY who Dulcinea is and just holding his breath every time Don Quixote goes on a rant about her beauty is peak comedy

is this considered a sports moment?

Said all those words and not one damn good argument

A page in Reader’s Digest reading “Elf Mayhem is Taking Over”

six months ago Reader’s Digest asked if they could purchase the publishing rights for this elaborate shitpost I wrote a year ago now wherein I pretended to be the elf equivalent of David Brooks at the North Pole. Thought it was maybe a phishing scam but it’s real LMAOO

Joe said the Watchtower ain’t got nothing in there about stopping the bag.

Had a Mexican buddy who listened to that shit to please the whites around him and boy was shook the first time they called him a “wetback.”

That fat Mexican did something to his chin and confidence that he never 100% got back

Grab a gin and soda when I get to the party and tip the bartender $20 to ensure every drink after that first G&S is just soda to keep up appearances.

This one hurts

Me and the fellas beating the toxic masculinity out of each others souls

Had one of these rip a bag of kangaroo food out of my hands with a, “fuck you gonna do about it,bitch?” look on its face before it chased me for 10-15yrds

slowly sucking in my gut while I pee so it looks like I'm deflating. all the other guys at the urinal trough hooting and hollering like I'm David Blaine. guy in the stall is trying to shit faster cuz he knows he's missing out on something but he's not sure what

🎶 Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your inhibitions
FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN🎶