Sen. Pumpkin Gogurt

clapter followers be warned, there's a lot you're going to hate about this account but the jokes are solid imo

"Leopards ate our ancient human ancestors' faces, AI analysis reveals" from something called Live Science

this slop headline has to be the reference right

i don't actually read the article and i wish i had fallen asleep but it never happened

wokeness has gone too far

a huge sign of overconfidence is letting Miller talk on camera. a uniquely revolting presence in an administration of sentient red flags.

If Liam Cohen starts his press conference by pulling out the x's and o's and explaining "that's the play i called" it would be funnier than anything anyone said in or about riyadh.

the kid is 17. we have generations of taste between us and our senses of humor have a slim overlap. this is that sweet spot.

the perfect highlight to show my wife. she does not care about athletic grace or calculated violence and has come to expect such "charles shit" when i ask her to watch a play. but a man persevering in the face of self-inflicted comic adversity? showing this is what marriage is made of.

what if someone gets tackled at the 2

everyone watching the first half of the play: I could do that

everyone watching the second half of that play: hmm

the beautiful game

lol chiefs mystique is dead

pulled over for doxing a statie for flashing my headlights on the interstate

hell yeah

#406 Kurger_Bing (w/ Charles Star)

Fun podcast time: I joined @kathbarbadoro.bsky.social and @pattymo.com to fill in for an otherwise engaged Eli Yudin on this week's @whatatimepod.bsky.social. A great time was had by all* and the bespoke drops from @classicshelb.bsky.social truly made my day.

*me, anyway

the kid in a minecraft creeper costume. rectangle box cardboard head, glowing LED eyes and a blackout mesh eyehole. with a TNT block/treat box

same eyes method used by carrie for the creeper back in the day

my methadone has some fucked up management

again, he says he "will take a look at" no matter what you ask him about because he will never consider your question in real time

you may ask yourself why does this p0wn me

an impression of David Byrne wore jorts

I'm going to keep re-sharing pieces from my book on here way more than seems comfortable to do every day for the next couple months. I don't care if anyone doesn't like it. I will stop once it sells 10,000 copies so the ball is actually in your court if you think about it.

The need for fearless. independent journalism has never been greater. Which is why I'm excited to announce that I have accepted a job to become the Head of Research at @heartlandsignal.bsky.social. We have big things in store so check us out.

only you will know what it means when "apartment number" is filled in with WC

listen to this episode to discover how shelby managed to incorporate an obscure reference to the manson murders into a morning radio style drop

i think she's doing the same bit tbh

"Are we having fun yet?" - Adam Scott on Party Down in his cater waiter shirt and tie

i will keep telling this joke until it makes me money

we're already in the middle of the Country Over party

I'm wearing a beautiful bird. Maybe the biggest, most beautiful bird.

got a new desk from wayfair. great value, looks good but they forgot to poke a hole in the box for the kid and customer service won't send me a return label.