A fatigued Roseate Spoonbill

I may or may not have recorded the audio of this… for scientific reasons only, of course.

i colored it 💖

If I could put a YesStyle gift card on my throne wishlist, I might actually be persuaded to bring that wishlist back to life. I suck at makeup (I haven’t really bothered since covid hit, and my skills have evaporated), so I can’t justify buying any k- or c-makeup, but god do I want some (lots). 😩

We might need to set aside an entire evening for it, you know… just in case. 🫣🫠

And yes, my doctor did indeed switch my meds a couple of years ago, and that’s definitely helped with the delay. But I think there’s been some lasting effects, and I also get so in my head that sometimes I just can’t… but yeah, ummm me and who?

Sooo like me and who?

A warning though, it might take a bit of time and effort, because of ssri’s. 😓👉🏻👈🏻

I need to remind myself that the one thing that usually works is lying in the dark after taking pain meds, and to stop trying to do anything else. 😪

Can someone come over and tell the Ruby-crowned Kinglet, that keeps taunting me from the tops of the oak trees, that it’s going to be -1° at some point next week, so it should stop taunting me and fly its butt south? Please and thank you??

Nope, it made things worse (as it usually does, I should have know 🤦🏻‍♀️). But I took another advil and drank a lot of water, and that seems to be helping a lot.

Wow, how did I spell the word “because” incorrectly, and yet autocorrect (which has been correcting words like “gremlin” to “Germans”) didn’t pick it up???

I honestly don’t think that they deserve the amount of effort and time I was putting into these things. Not to mention, I kept looking for patterns of things that I have zero interest in, and I was bored! Now that I’m stitching something for me, I’m actually excited to see the project complete. 😅

I’m still desperately wishing that I had someone’s hands and lips on me, though.

For the record, that was purely for medical reasons, necause my head is still hurting a LOT, and I’m trying everything I can to get rid of this headache. Granted, doing what I just did has historically never helped, but I’m willing to try anything.

I hadn’t used my tentacle in a while. 🫠

So anyways, how’s everyone Sunday going?

If god really is real, then I have a bone to pick with them bc why did they give me all of this shit that’s wrong and broken with me AND THEN make me an ugly crier ON TOP of that??? Rude.

I’m suddenly really *really* missing my silly, grumpy, snuggly and snorty little man.

Anyway, I’m still feeling really crappy, but I’m trying to ignore it bc it’s my last evening home alone until probably next spring so… 🤷🏻‍♀️

So I’ve decided to shelve all of my stitching wip’s (that are all for other people, who often hurt my feelings) and I’ve been working on something just for me for the past week. I think this is the happiest I’ve ever been while stitching. No pressure, just thread and fabric, and just for me.

One of them looked really intricate, and they captioned it with something about how they had made it for a situationship, and they regret it every day bc they’ll never get it back.
It really hit me.

A couple of weeks ago, I saw a compilation post somewhere of all of someone’s finished crossstitch and embroidery projects, from when they started stitching until this year.

Me @ me:

I’m sorry I got like 4 hours of sleep last night. My head is killing me, and so is my arm, bc I’ve been sweeping/vacuuming/mopping all morning, and there’s still more to do.

I’m going to take 10 minutes to lie down, turn off notifications, and take an advil. 👋🏻

I don’t want to be a burden & an annoyance, so maybe I should leave here for a couple of months. That would probably be the best decision on my part for the sake of everyone else.

I’ve also been thinking a lot about how I don’t think I can do anything casually anymore, but I won’t get into that rn.

I’ve actually been thinking a lot about my presence here, and I’ve been thinking about deactivating for a bit. The sun is rising later & setting earlier already, and soon my “regular” “fun” depression is going to combine with seasonal depression, & I’m going to be even more insufferable than usual.

Idk words have been really hard for me lately.

I feel like if I’m not posting pictures of my flat ass and unimpressive tits then I’m not needed in this space.

I haven’t been feeling as if my only purpose is to be a sexual object, which again is good, but I have been feeling… like a desexualized object? I don’t know how to word it. As if I’m seen as non-sexual? Not asexual (and there’s nothing wrong with being asexual), but just not sexy/sexual.

On the one hand, I haven’t been feeling like “just a slab of meat on the internet” lately, which is good. But on the other hand, I sort of feel like a farce, a joke, and an unnecessary presence in the nsfw sphere.

Feeling a little (a lot) like pure gar-bage today. I have a lot of cleaning to do, so I probably won’t be around here much (oh no, what a tragedy 🙄).

I hope you all have a lovely Saturday, see ya. 💜

The briefest moments of horniness that I’ve been feeling lately are always being abruptly snuffed out, and that hasn’t been helping my mental state/health, let me tell ya.

Well crap, now I’ve made myself feel like frustrated-crying. I have the entire house to clean tomorrow, so goodnight. 👋🏻

Shift in mood from my last post: did you know that my chaperone of a dog can read my mind I guess? He always decide to use my arm or leg or thigh or stomach as his personal pillow at the “perfect” time, so that no matter how h-word I’m feeling, that h-word-ness is instantly squashed. 🙃