helena left

game designer fuck

listen you're making a RPG system by yourself

you are bound to fuck it up

you are not a have designer, you're a chemistry student

sure you can make it but you shouldn't expect it to work even if you work on it for months

the best you can do for your system is playtest it

playtest it goddamn it

I may from now on just focus on trying to do better in college and being a good girlfriend, everything else will have to wait until my brain is fixed

I have completely given up running RPGs, really close to giving up on playing as well

I don't really have genital dysphoria but fuck god this thing is inconvenient I fucking cumming in my sleep it's the most stupidly annoying thing a body can do, honestly

period pains might painful and fucking horrible, but this... this is just annoying

ok life is going maybe a little too fast

imagine trying to kiss someone, being rejected but then they start talking to you

a lot

after a week you're actually holding hands????

what in god's name is happening in my life

sometimes you just remember Eva and shit starts making sense

also twitter is horrible now

so yea i said i was bacc and shiz but i dont actually know if i try to go back to engaging here or twitter since anyone i possibly know is there and not here but i could also just use this one for more intrusive thoughts but honestly that would render the other one useless

polyethylene is plastic bag plastic

it lasts forever and it's extremely flexible

you guessed it it's about capitalism

it's also about transhumanism of course

ok im bacc

alright goodbye to whoever reads my shit here, hope to be back next year a better person

interesting examples, will have to look them up, thanks

what if I stopped using this thing for a while and just tried, really tried, to start writing every day so I can relax and do something actually productive

but I need a way to really make me do it

if people ever do hate me maybe one of my friends can let me know lol

I also would like to believe I don't really hate him because I don't like hating people but I'm gradually noticing he's a worse person than I actually thought he was

but he's also my earliest friend, I know him since I was 6 so I really wanted him to be nice and for us to have a nice friendship

I'm so fucking sorry for being so negative here all the time but this is pretty much a venting account since no one I know is on bluesky

if I hate this guy so much why do I even play his shit?

well, because I'm a coward and afraid of big decisions

of course he can do his work however he likes it but I'm allowed to be fucking salty

and since you can't cast fireball I guess we can't run it on Pathfinder

but you know what there's fucking CALL OF CTHULHU, which is a period investigation title with some skills relevant to my drama game unrelated to horror

you know this is the guy who wants to run a noir game about mystery, crime and politics and really cares about my character's need to suffer at least a little bit of misogyny, wouldn't be historical otherwise so where's the fun right?

the way my friend put it back then made me actually think he isn't really as much interested in the horror as he is in the period aesthetics

which I do know for a fact he cares a lot for, the period aesthetics that is

I mean sure there's a lot to work with to create horror in period settings, my first, current and only scenario to this day is in the traditional 1920s (personal bureaucracy)

but saying CoC wouldn't be CoC in the contemporary time or that it couldn't be interesting baffles me

my dead name is nyarlathotep

I had to rewrite this skeet thrice for I do not have any grey matter myself

just remembered that time when my friend stated that call of Cthulhu loses most of its worth if not run in a period setting

I mean, sure, people can consume art however they want and like whatever they like in things

that said my friend is completely stupid and he's objectively wrong

still 18.

the car goes away and we desperately try take the girl inside to the nurse's office but she bleeds to death before anything can be done as obstacles by Syd Matters plays and we wake up to snow falling on our windows in September

18.

I always come back to the final moments of the first session to this LiS inspired game

my character had been sort of closed off but now she was baked to hell and talking shit and we were heading back to the dorms when someone in a car runs one of us over

17.

the vampire the masquerade community seem like a funny lot