Full Mutuality

#handsoff NYC 💙 🇨🇦

We need to be careful with those assumptions.

You can want to burn a bad system down without wanting to burn a person down.

Not all anger is bad or cruel. It does need to be controlled, and how we direct our anger is our own responsibility.
Controlled fires exist to prevent devastating ones.

fall back into something that was harmful when you thought you were finally into something good.

To repeat: nobody thinks you are terrible if you misjudged someone.

Someone's anger at someone else's harmful behavior isn't necessarily malicious.

we are learning how to trust ourselves and develop a sense of listening to our gut.

We were taught to ignore things before, so this is a skill that needs time to be developed too.

It can be really scary if you are trying to learn to trust yourself and

It's OK if we are wrong for a while. It might be embarrassing to think we fell for the same patterns again, but it's normal human nature to take a while to break a habit.

As evangelicals, we were taught not to trust ourselves, and so when we come out of that,

that people are just giddy to be right instead of profoundly disturbed by abuse.

We can learn better and do better. Make mistakes and move on.

Heck, most of us end up repeating mistakes and patterns for a while before learning a new way forward.

and that puts you in a defense mode it might be helpful to recognize that it's evangelicalism that taught us those habits of needing to be right too or else we are terrible.

And if we still assume the latter, then it's also easier to assume the former, we can assume...

They might be glad that finally people will have a chance to understand what they have been trying to say.

If you are afraid people might think you are a terrible person for not picking the right side right away ...

I think it's important that people examine their fears.

If you think people are giddy or glad when someone being harmful is exposed, it might be your assumption. They may have spoken out before out of concern and been attacked for it and dismissed.

An important article for the deconstruction community.

This really sums it up well for those who want to stay informed but are overwhelmed by a 94 page GRACE report. This article brings to light the important and relevant details. Thanks Rick.

If we find ourselves with the tendency to give the benefit of the doubt to the person with a lot more power and influence when abusive behavior is the topic and we are seeing "both sides," we have not fully deconstructed hierarchy from our evangelical past.

📢 SAVE THE DATE: Saturday, April 5.

Together with progressive partners, we’re planning a massive mobilization in the streets to translate the anger with Trump’s power grab into a nationwide show of defiance.

Find a Hands Off! event near you or plan one: handsoff2025.com?SQF_SOURCE=i...

instead of making it all about you, why not tell people that follow you and adore you and jump into comments to ridicule and dismiss the victim to stop?!!!

Especially if you have such a massive platform that their coming forward will result in so much extra stress on them?!!! Hmmmmm ❓️

Stop them from worshipping you to the point that while you are admitting you are wrong people are still lashing out at them on social media cause they don't want to believe your behavior is a big deal.

I mean if this is about the victim and reconciliation with them for the harm you did,

when they do address their community to admit wrong-doing, why not address the comments on social media blaming and attacking the victim??!

And I don't mean giving cruel victim blamers validation. Quite the opposite!

You know what leaders in a community could do if they were caught in a scandal to show they were sincere and not simply about saving face to their audience? (I mean apart from reaching out faster to their victims than their platforms!)...

If you are made to worry that holding people accountable for abuse in power means people can go after you for any of your small mistakes and that you have no place to talk ever because you are not perfect, that's cult thinking too.

If you feel yourself downplaying and writing off abuse or misconduct or defending it even after your leaders who have been found out acknowledge they were in the wrong, it's cult thinking.

If you have to support someone after they have been abusive because otherwise "the bad guys will win," that's the cult thinking.

If you're in a group & it's the norm around you to defend a leader even as they apologize instead of letting them get to the work of fixing things, that's cult thinking.

We are aware of the GRACE investigation report that has been released. The TNE Board initiated the GRACE investigation on August 27th, 2024 when a formal grievance was filed with the organization on July 24th. Within that month we reviewed different options for how to move forward before deciding on GRACE. The TNE board fully intends to follow through with all of the recommendations of the report. The report highlighted several mistakes that Tim made. He has been made aware of them, has acknowledged them and is cooperating with the board 100%. He will be making a statement this week. The board takes full responsibility for initially not properly handling the grievance and are working on a path towards reconciliation.

After how the Tony Jones situation was handled, the video that was put up by Tim and then taken down because of the board without any real acknowledgment how that was problematic and then what went down in that Facebook TNE group I'm not surprised.

TNE has responded dms open but not comments.

Full disclosure, I'm posting becuz I care about this community. My friends was a volunteer listed in this report. Not the main person but having been up close to it all after giving so much of her time. I want those who spoke out to know I think you are brave.

www.instagram.com/tnereckoning...

It's one thing to leave evangelicalism and talk a lot about abuse and accountability. But we need to be willing to do that within our own deconstruction community first.

G.R.A.C.E report just released about The New Evangelicals

www.tnereckoning.com/s/TNE-Final-...

I have Urbana stories. 2012 and 2009 🤣

Blake Lively and the Amber Heard Effect Podcast Episode · A Bit Fruity with Matt Bernstein · 10/01/2025 · 1h 34m

Podcast episode here: podcasts.apple.com/mt/podcast/b...

who was harassing Blake got to work she was in awe of how well it was working to smear Blake!

"It’s actually sad because it just shows you how people really want to hate on women.”

Women working hard to bury and smear other women are somewhat surprised by the results.

It was combing through what happened to Blake Lively but then explained that the reasons these campaigns work so well is that society is on board with misogyny.

In fact, internalized misogyny means lots of women didn't flinch at voting for a convicted rapist.

When the publicist helping the person

"And socials are really really ramping up. In his favour, she must be furious. It’s actually sad because it just shows you how people really want to hate on women.” - Melissa Nathan, publicist looking to tarnish reputation of Blake Lively

@NateNakao.com
and I were listening to this podcast episode on how social media PR campaigns target female celebrities.

How men with money pay to have women smeared when they might talk about how those men have abused them.

It makes me queasy to know how much humanity and empathy my former belief system was trying to suck out of me!!!

So I'm not saying abandonment of your online communities.

I am saying consider how to migrate them slowly and how to teach others as you do that.

When you don't pay for the product you *are* the product.

Developing social media literacy is important for all of us if we want to have healthy communities.