BrujoLoco☠️🖤🏺

Getting stuffed like a turkey would fix me.

I am thankful for clarity, reason and calm. I am able to see the gifts I have in my life and appreciate the people that love me regardless of where I’m at.

I am lucky. I am loved and I am grateful.

𝕿𝖍𝖆𝖓𝖐𝖘𝖌𝖎𝖛𝖎𝖓𝖌 𝕳𝖔𝖗𝖗𝖔𝖗 𝕾𝖙𝖔𝖗𝖎𝖊𝖘

Night of the Broken Toilets

i should have said "stuffing the hand turkey" that would have been funnier. i am a failure. please kill me

Happy American Turkey Day to all those who celebrate.

They're called suggest-ions because they're always charged

I have heard the annual recitation of Alice's Restaurant

NOW you motherfuckers may begin your Christmas festivities

In lieu of thanksgiving I suggest holding a sort of family court convicting your most annoying relatives of various offenses

Jesus didn't die for you to eat fake potatoes

I’m so gonna get tight as a boiled owl today!!

if some bitchass breed wins the dog show this year I’m flipping the dinner table. how could you even eat in a time like that???

Not Mr. B Natural 😩

A gift-free holiday based on eating as much as you can? Yes, please.

wouldn’t catdog need like a colostomy bag or

Anyone want to try my Thanksgiving leftovers smoothie tomorrow?

I run away from commitment, so yeah I workout.

RIP JS Bach, you would have loved Guitar Hero

When my grandma died, I had her cremated and put her ashes in a trophy that said World's Best Grandma.

She urned it.

just got a text from future me telling me to put the forking fork down

Shop the sale before they’re sold out, there is a few more of these large toasters remaining!

Great gag gifts this holiday season 💖✨

Skin softening, moisturizing and highly scented in CASHMERE ‼️✨

ko-fi.com/jumpyjellybe...

I hope you are stuffed full of love

Whoa! Maybe don't tell anyone about that. Yeah, take that one to the grave. Yikes.

~ me, as a therapist

Youth pastor (after sitting down on a chair turned backwards): I know you kids like these modern pop songs by Sabrina but you know who else was a Carpenter?

Not a manic pixie dream girl, but a lethargic troll nightmare woman.

*patting my telescope as I tuck it back in the coat closet*

That’ll do pig

Was the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day parade always this horny out in the open or is this a special time in US history?

Turns out it’s the annual Pere Ubu appreciation day

Can't wait to get all Fat and Sassy!

happy birthday, dinner