the main thing I keep on my side table are my binoculars for peeping on my neighbors
Ever wonder if Mr. Coffee ever had any other career goals?
the worst feeling ever is begging someone to do something with you, and then seeing them do it willingly with others
Remember, kids. If you see a pink rhino playing the harp while floating on a cloud of cotton candy, put down the brownies.
I bet if it were "The Queer of Hormuz" the ships would slide through without a problem.
YES! FUCK YOU TOO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sorry I’m late, I’ve been waiting for Friday.
Arsenio Hall telling Ed Murphy he wants to tear him apart, and (himself) too is so fucking funny
I got my new drivers license in the mail. Was that camera located on a tight cliff’s edge that I had to look down at to not fall off?
they already exist, you literally have to prove it to register
It’s only Thursday so suck it up, buttercup.
-Inspirational.
Thursday would be a lot better if it was Friday.
I like your raccoon.
I forget that I can say whatever I want here because nobody can read.
😳🫡
Love is Blind but everyone is forced to live with their TC from 2019 for 30 days.
same
Photos that are of National Geographic quality, but they’re all dick pics.
thought about saving the world today but this tag in my jeans is being weird
The rustle through the trees, the voice inside the negative spaces.
I’ve taken “no offense” out of my lexicon. Get mad, bitch, idc
Hormuz Mayonnaise
sorry i pressed the wrong
buttons during your quick
time events. i get nervous
*hands you a gavel
if you’re gonna judge me, you’ll need this
same, but I have Summer Lee
I seem to fit in pretty well with others who feel like they don't fit in either.
I don’t want to be too aggressive, but I think you need more hugs.
How the fuck do I shut this off if it won’t let me shut it the fuck off 😭😭😭
I need to turn my phone in ASAP but CANNOT shut off find my phone!!! Why!! Help 🥹
I never thought I'd be jealous of dead people but damn, being dead looks so stress free.
