Kyle

Reasons:

1. Judges, audience members, and fellow skaters alike would be delighted, confused, or both
2. It makes a mockery of the ice, giving me a tactical advantage

youtu.be/6EbLv4KcdRk?...

open.spotify.com/track/76qAc4...

Just heard a dude say “Recycling Can,” and I got really upset by it for a second, but then spiraled into, “why do we say trash CAN and recycling BIN?”

Someone accidentally spilled a little coffee, and a nearby guy said, “Cleanup on aisle… haha… cleanup!”

We're putting you in the crystal. Maybe you can come out in 100 years after everything's good again. But for now you have to go into the crystal.

Ah my spatula
The item with which I slap
The marks it will leave

I don’t know what film school is teaching “unnecessary-flashback-episode-late-in-the-series-order”, but I wish they’d stop

The Three Musketeers literally make no sense. There’s four of them. They use swords, not muskets. They’re always scurrying around my attic. They come down every Sunday afternoon with a white board to teach me proofs from Euclid’s Elements (that I already know, btw). They smell like empty tomato cans

I took the Colbert Questionert!
Watch the full interview here: youtu.be/HPONVyNiWsU?...

From @acyn.bsky.social (posted on X)

"Reporter: Do any of you have a favorite animal?

Child: My favorite one is a gold snake that can move. It has gold eyes, and it has a super-duper tail…

Reporter: Mr. Mamdani, the second question for you.

Mamdani: Yes. It’s also the golden snake."

Your rupees ARE NOT safe with The Beatles

No funny teacher names, but there was a kid in my high school named “Harry Johnson”

And one of my friend’s last name was “Horny,” and his mom was an ophthalmologist: Dr. Horny

I’ll be sure to set aside some time at our next youth band to talk about advanced metrics in MLB

A screenshot of the seven most recent movies I have watched, starting with Wreck-It Ralph (which is rated a perfect 5 out of 5). Each movie after Wreck-It Ralph slowly decreases in rating.

My Letterboxd, much like real life, has been on a steady decline since Wreck-It Ralph.

“There’s nothing you can do that can’t be done”

Hold my beer

I've seen a fish van that says "more than just a fish van - text Gary" - so obviously that's quite exciting

It’s a special kind of frustrating when a member of a band you love takes time away from the group to do a solo project that’s… fine

This is Maya. She hopes you find something you love even half as much as she loves sledding. 14/10 (IG: mayamoo_golden)

First time eating chicken? Let me help you out! You’re gonna want to eat AROUND the bones and… What’s that? It’s boneless? Well, what are you sitting around talking to me for? Go nuts, son!

Inspire people.

Cars should have 6 different horns for the following scenarios:
- Look out
- Hello
- Sorry
- I like your bumper sticker
- Get out of the way I need to use the bathroom
- That guy in the blue hatchback looks like santa claus

I’ll just wait for our lives to be over
Yes or sorry? I don’t need to know

Elle Fanning

Listening to the rules of a board game

i inspire people by always returning my shopping cart to the cart corral area - even when i’m in a bad mood or have a sore ankle. in fact limping a bit makes it even more inspirational

For years, the only “device” in our house was a pre-owned computer that couldn’t connect to the internet.

We were playing movie charades, and I pulled 40-year Old Virgin.

I did my arms in an X, then did the classic humping mime. Then I walked like an old man with a cane.

My wife confidently shouted, “Up!” and it’s the hardest I laughed all year.

They should make a movie where everything is fine. A nice little escapist fantasy