asiuen ✤ 負け猫

i won’t delete this account because username claim but i won’t be active here either. it’s @/asiuen on discord and that’s it. i can’t use the internet anymore as it brings too much pain.

when i have time i will… do an aesthetic board… hard to find cosmic void gifs / aesthetic because welp huge nothing so i’ll stick to black holes i think. mostly math visualisations, structured fractals etc.

smiling void + pulsar star. one that intakes the never ending stream of energy from another. all explained in equations. there’s beauty in numbers and kanten can make everything simple and uncomplicated, even love.

✤ ・ruminating. until recently i haven’t indulged into astronomy because ugh dyscalculia and if i can’t understand then i can’t like. but i proved myself by passing uni level mathematical analysis so ? i let myself. saiten especially since it fits so much

✤ ・enamoured | saiten

if boyfriend so dangerous then why so smol and adorable ? aaa new year resolution is to draw them more and cmms octp art < 33 i know i’m not really online anymore but you can find me at saitens.tumblr.com where i scream and post about them uwu

please god if you exist please give me the strength to comprehend anatomy so o can draw actual people cuddling

my projection on gay animals should be studied first catsukyon now birb saiten i love making up stories why they gay
ofc everything involves being dysfunctional and incomplete and finding comfort in the arms of equally inept individual

i draw gay cats and birbs

My girl Willow as a bunny hybrid because I found a bot on janitor.ai where user is a bunny hybrid, ik im freaky 🤪🤪🤪

#digitalart #art

aaa thanks for so much love on gay chibis ;;; i’m really busy irl but i read everything!

✤ ・enamoured.
chibi homosexual propaganda ! i still like how they came out despite it being so old… i miss drawing

i find it quite endearing how their palettes overlap + the contrast… they’re both dealing with trauma but chose different defence mechanisms. i really need to do a relationship meme when i have time ! pulsar bf x black hole bf, one is so full of feelings while the other has alexithymia

✤ ・entwined.
mmmm i need to spread my oc / canon propaganda… i made separate blogs on tmblr for them but i still haven’t recovered the password aaa. anyways since i’m giving kanten more care and attention it’s impossible not to think about his monochrome boyfriend

Sága Polaris.
Commission done for my dear friend @stelaernis.bsky.social ! ♡

↓ commission info ↓
kamillyanna-commissions.carrd.co

/ #art #oc #sona

✤ ・ruminating.
i’m trying not to get overly attached to things but i got complemented irl today… such a rare event to hear good things about self, especially something as personal as scent so it means a world.

copium. i’m trying not to get attached to things and they can easily be taken away and appropriated. i learned to keep
to myself so i can reduce amount of losses. i need to do vent art someday… i truly am sinking in the sea of endless failures.

i prefer not to base my identity on anything anymore. it really hurts when i fail so i’m trying not to expect anything of myself. i still get swayed by everything dusty pink but does it matter ? as long as i survive. nothing matters in the end, an ordinary person.

the way i dress is pretty simple ? minimal jewellery, one colour + about 70% black surface. only one perfume, no scented body mists or gels. it’s exactly what you expect and i don’t hide the fact that i don’t belong.

i decided to… use them for outside presentation as well ? since all the issues and my inability to conform i decided not to strive towards certain aesthetic anymore. i will fail, that’s inevitable. but i can convey this portrayal of myself in outside features and it gives me solace.

✤ ・ruminating.
personal, so tentative ? but the words from a kind acquaintance bring me to the surface when i’m drowning. “ whether you’re angry or jealous you openly talk about it, there’s no hidden intentions inside you; and to me that’s beautiful “

sOOP !! it looks delish i hope you had all the comfort feels < 33 also your journaling is immaculate ! the perfect autumn vibes…

✤ ・ruminating.
hype hype late january / early february i can order arts ! financial planning is not my forte especially with meds and appointments but yippee i can’t wait to get stuff of my babies < 333 especially since i’ve wanted to cmm some of my fav artists for so long i’ve been saving

young couple FLORENT and HIGH want to battle! 👻💗 #lapinoc #pokemon

i bought hair oil and mask, i’ll try to take better care of my hair, as much as depression permits. i realised how many things i took for granted.

sigh i should go in the direction of dressing more neutrally because that’s what my anatomy is made for. it’s just really painful and i’m not ready for it yet.

it’s already hard to dress because femme clothes are made for hourglass, i’m tied to stretchy fabric. i wish i could do fashion but my body is not made for it, never was. i don’t permit pictures of myself and haven’t had any taken since high school.

✤ ・tentative ? tbd.
i want to enjoy my hair while it’s still intact so i tried growing it out but uh… it draws even more attention to my humongous shoulders. i’ve always had my hair long so it was a huge change to cut it, a sad one but i feel it suits me better.

More of my tieflingsona !! / #art #oc #sona

please don’t be weird about it, i’ll block on sight.

✤ ・tentative ? tbd.
visiting th is always bittersweet as it brings memories of coding on shady local websites and so many memorable interactions being born… ties to discovering drawing too. along with graphic design it's another precious thing i had to let go but sometimes i indulge.