Tariffs on Canadian products and materials ultimately means higher prices on your toilet paper too.
A shitty situation for everyone.
Give me a moment. I'm trying to refold this paper map of space-time.
Helpful!
drawing chalk outlines around my new years resolutions
Studio Apartment Available:
- Pet-friendly
- Located next to bridge
- No strings attached
2025:
- make my own mayonnaise
- can't really think of anything else right now
Honey do we need more Advil or will we soon transcend corporeal suffering?
Why don't you take a long walk down a never-ending pier and find along this beautiful pier all the things you hoped for in life
they’re on the hunt, they’re after you
“Give me your hand!”
“But-“
“You’re gonna have to trust me!”
I don’t want to be smart any more I’m going to start huffing paint
Making friends at the wine tasting by asking everyone if they spit or swallow.
KNIVES OUT is a Christmas movie because Chris Evans wears a sweater.
If you play The Grinch backward, his heart shrinks after interacting with people and that’s a lot more accurate.
aragorn: you have my bow
legolas: and my axe
gimli: and my sword
me: and my contagious disorganization
I lost my gag reflex by deep throating garlic bread
"Buckle up babycakes" i coo, pulling the seatbelt across the rotisserie chicken on my passenger seat.
The fact that Disney bought Star Wars and bought the Muppets and haven’t done a Muppets Star Wars is a crime.
the cost of milk is ridiculous, it’s $120 just for me to take a bath
dracula with a guitar: anyvays heres vondervall
on “Wonderful Christmastime,” Sir Paul McCartney set out to make a timeless christmas classic and also to figure out what every button on his synthesizer did, and he absolutely succeeded at one of those things
If this existence thing is just a dream, I'd rate it 40% on Rotten Tomatoes: The plot goes in circles, the dialog's annoying as hell, the villains are just plain stupid and the wrong people are nude
All I want for Christmas is a domesticated raccoon that wants to eat lasagna with me & go on quirky adventures. It would also be nice if the raccoon could do magic but I understand that is asking a lot and therefore, it is not required.
can i get a... [forgets the word for burrito] a girthy taco
Date: you shouldn't be using a straw
Me: I know, I know, it's bad for the environment
Date: it's just a weird way to eat spaghetti
Nobody talks about how the McRib was taken from McAdam to make McEve.
Took me 30 seconds to locate the wink emoji because that is not who I am
COP: do you know why I stopped you
ME: is it related to my crimes
