Meaty Mike

🏆 officially ghosted by my friend’s landlord 🏆

A SKELATEN IN TUNNEL "INTERNET IS TERRIBLE REAL LIFE IS WORSE , GOING TO BED BEFORE DINNER KICKS A$$ , NITE NITE, SAVE ON GROCIES, ZZZZZ " - YOU MIGHT THINK THAT IF YOU TELL PEOPLE TO TAKE TO THE WOOD'S THAT THE WOOD'S WILL BE CROWDED , BUT PEPOLE DONT DO WHAT I SAY, THEY DO WHAT AUTHORITYS TELL THEM, WHETHER ITS THERE BOSS OR THE TV OR THE PHONE , AND SOMETIMES THEY THINK A GUY RECORDING A VIDEO IN HIS CAR IS A AUTHORITY , BUT HONESTLEY , DONT DO WHAT I SAY, BECUASE I DOT KNOW WHAT IM TALKING ABOUT, AND I DONT WANT ANY ONE ELSE HERE IN THE WOOD'S ,,,, AND BESIDES THERE NO CELL SIGNAL OUT HERE SO "STAY AWAY" "SORRY" "MY WOOD'S" - DASHARE.ZONE ADMIN

SPOLIER ALERT IT AINT THAT REAL - dashare.zone ADMIN

acts of god were exhausting so now we're here and we've all been assigned a small piece of the earth to ruin

the television show twin peaks is the only person that loves food as much as I do

some guy just actually hung out the passenger side of his best friend's ride trying to holler at me

a woman in a pink shirt is talking to another woman and says i 'm so excited because i love mess Alt: Marie Kondo, a brunette woman in a white cardigan, tells a woman in a pink shirt "i 'm so excited because i love mess"

me

I opened my window and I can hear sonic acquiring rings somewhere in the distance

it's never worked out for anyone but i bet you'll be the first

mark as unreal

just affectionately thought of my recommended daily calories as "my guys"

I hate writing poems it’s so embarrassing

needed a dark backdrop to photograph a check on and like any sensible lady I used a pair of my own underpants

I've always wanted to be a vaguely feminine fog (as a profession)

A SKELATAN IN THE MIDDLE OF EVERY ONE TRYEN TO KICK THERE A$$ AND YELL AT THEM AND IT SAY'S " DONT LIKE ME , NO SURPISE, I HAVE ALOT OF PROBLEMS " ,,,MORE THOGHT'S ON patreon.com/dasharez0ne - DASHARE.ZONE ADMIN

DONT LIKE ME - dashare.zone ADMIN

love to be prevented from parking in the transit center lot i use every morning because it can’t be verified that i’m not going to comic con

tip: sports metaphors help you relate to others! if a pot of boiling water overturns on you try the phrase "come on, ref!"

get him to approach you: wear a suit of mirrors. he may mistake the beam of light you create for an entrance into a rewarding afterlife lmao

what’s the point of getting paid millions if it looks like it’s giving you diarrhea

just saw that senator eating a burrito out of a diaper and released the weariest god damn sigh. i feel like i'm 900 years old

saw a vinyl decal of a silhouetted weiner dog with the word "OBSESSION" down its side, almost crashed my car accidentally then on purpose

fuck, marry, kill: off, off, off

to celebrate my book release I'm eating tootsie rolls and cheese for dinner

I just looked up whether prozac can make you smell worse and found out that it can. lol. earth is an idiot

A SKEALATAN REAPOR WHOS SAYIN "THE GOVERNMENT SHOULD GIVE YOU $100 DOLLARS ON YOUR BIRTHDAY EVERY YEAR " AND THERE RIGHT, LETS GET SOME MONEY BACK FROM THE WARDENS OF THIS PRISON NATION, IF THEY NEED THE MONEY SO BAD THEY SHOULD BE TAXEN THE RICH, BLAH BLAH SAME SHIT I ALWAY'S SAY BUT IM RIGHT , SO IM GOING TO KEEP SAYING IT, AND I WANT $100 SO IF YOU AGREE RETWEET IT , AND LETS SEE IF WE CAN GET THAT PAPER - DASHARE.ZONE ADMIN

RETWEET IF AGREE - dashare.zone ADMIN

it is so cold that I lacked the fine motor skills to unlock my apartment until several minutes after I entered the building

today my tattoo artist told me she saw jason mraz live when she was younger and instead of playing any music he came out with a ventriloquist dummy

I feel about you like very deep in the ocean where it is heavy and things don't need eyes

remember that time I called my boyfriend wario ryan gosling and he literally grew a mustache about it