ash

may the boop oop a doop be with you

hey there just continue being you

no longer making myself small for anyone

~Alice in Wonderland, probably

Be wary if a dog owner brings your gift in a brown paper bag...

When someone has “taken” in their bio, they got abducted by aliens.

Calm yourself. 😆

I only fart in crowded elevators

Being an asshole is exhausting. Time for a nap

You're a survivor and you're still fighting thats commendable. 😘

Doing the right thing doesn’t always win you much but also I didn’t sign up for this life to be in a fucking perpetual contest so who cares if I’m a loser

Ugh, this place is, like, 72.3% subskeets now.

I won a cheese wheel in a holiday drawing if you’re looking for a winner

If you never repost then I assume you’re a narcissist that looks at themselves in the mirror and says you’re the prettiest person you know

all i really want is a cutie who's tech savvy and has really nice hands that i can watch seductively clean my trackball

When you finally have a day where you feel really confident and you totally nailed it. You needed this. Almost time to go home for the day. Then you realize your fly has been down since you used the bathroom after lunch.

Oh shit! Fucking brrr.

It's 4 degrees outside and seriously fa-la-la-la-fuck this

Didn't even notice. 😅

😆

I'll stick with exercise. 😆

Always ❤️

checking if bebé is awake by giving them a wet willy

Yes. Gonna get some endorkphins. 🤪

Not offering. Good luck with that. 😆

Going to the gym. Enjoy your evening 😊

😆

Thank you. 🙂

I took some Temu sexy pills. I think they're working. Burning means they're working, right?

Can I come over and make you question your sanity?

Don't forget beautiful and kind. 🫶