Sylvan Bender

[with great gravity, aware that, when I speak, my words, like Black Bolt, will cause widespread devastation, but not of physical structures but of an entire burgeoning economic sector which will never recover] ...oh yeah? more like fartificial intelligence

Oooo I love this!!

A shirt design that reads "Monday 2 Friday 9 to 5 I'M A GIRL, BUT WEEKENDS are for the boys". It has a skeleton with a cigarette, backwards blue and purple cap, gun, a cold beer with the trans flag colors and logo that they're cracking open with their teeth, and the top font has bigender colors. the sign that says BUT is neon pink, the WEEKENDS sign is big and red with yellow lights inside surrounded by almost 100 yellow lights, and Are For The Boys sign is neon pink.

NEW SHIRT DESIGN!!
FOR MY GENDERFUCKERS AND BIGENDERS OUT THERE (like me) I LOVE YOU!
BUY IT HERE DUDE!!!
twohalfidiots.threadless.com/designs/im-a...
Oh you want one with the genders switched? LOOK BELOW!
1/2

A shirt design that reads "Monday 2 Friday 9 to 5 I'M A BOY, BUT WEEKENDS are for the girls". It has a skeleton with a cigarette, backwards blue and purple cap, gun, a cold beer with the trans flag colors and logo that they're cracking open with their teeth, and the top font has bigender colors. the sign that says BUT is neon pink, the WEEKENDS sign is big and red with yellow lights inside surrounded by almost 100 yellow lights, and Are For The Girls sign is neon pink.

NEW SHIRT DESIGN!!
FOR MY GENDERFUCKERS AND BIGENDERS OUT THERE (like me) I LOVE YOU!
BUY IT HERE DUDE!!!
twohalfidiots.threadless.com/designs/im-a...
Oh you want one with the genders switched? CHECK THE POST ABOVE!! 2/2

now that "how did it get to be 8:30" is such a big part of my life I can't help wondering if "wow, 6 already?" is up around the corner

we are unfortunately experiencing a giant wave of "Bluesky is for talking about Twitter." it's not. you wanna talk about Twitter you know how to get there, live your truth! Bluesky is for the following things:
1) good jokes
2) interesting or useful information
3) hog on main

"Mossborn Hyrdra? More like Bitchmade Hydra," I cry again from my lightless holding cell 100 feet below the concrete floor of my LGS

👁️👁️

These executive orders on banning federally funded entities from recognizing trans people or disallowing them from using the bathroom are not self-executing or immediately enforceable. They require formal rule making at a minimum. They are a scare tactic. Ignore and do not comply in advance.

Once again I am denied my Christmas #1 owing to the industry-wide blackout on my undeniable holiday classic “Intrusive Sex Thoughts Christmas”

This is a Peaches fan account now I guess

Put That Tooth Away

The deep state will come after you if you plant a vegetable garden in the street median

Cobweb-Covered Skeleton Gripping Senate Desk Expected To Seek 15th Term -The Onion

If YOU 🫵 know a child or teen (ages 10-15) in Central NJ who you think would enjoy playing Magic: the Gathering, you should register them for one of the introductory classes I'm leading through the Monmouth County Park System this February. Search keyword 'Magic' at reg.monmouthcountyparks.com

Semi-colon party all night long!
Say what?
Semi-colon party all night long!!

Dad just absolutely FLASHBANGED me by walking into the room and saying “honey, have you ever heard of this breed of dog? A core-gi? C-O-R…”

wanted posters on a light post taken at night of Steve Nelson, president of Aetna, David Joyner, president & CEO of CVS Health. Both feature photos of the execs with three bullets labeled DENY, DEFEND, DEPOSE detailing the wrongs of the healthcare industry (but not legible enough in the picture to transcribe). “Healthcare CEOs should not feel safe. Deny - Defend - Depose” it says at the bottom.

Wanted posters of Marianne Lake, Denis Coleman, Brian Moynihan, Robin Vince in similar format as others, on a wall.

Wanted poster of Brian Thompson with an X through his photo featuring the same bulleted text as the others. “Healthcare CEOs should not feel safe. Deny - Defend - Depose” it says at the bottom.

Communique: On Wednesday morning over thirty CEOs will gather at the Conrad hotel for the second day of the Goldman Sachs Financial Services conference to discuss how they can become richer by extracting wealth, time, and energy from the working class from all over the world. To welcome them, anon actionists put up wanted posters of the leeches attending the conference, including Martin Smalls of Black Rock, Robin Vince of BNY Mellon, Denis Coleman of Goldman Sachs, and of course, Brian Thompson, the former CEO of United Healthcare. These CEOs run companies that control trillions of dollars by stealing money, time, and labor from the working class. Do they care about the problems of poverty, homelessness, and injustice at these conferences? No, and their actions are violent. Health insurance companies (like financial services companies) don’t provide us with anything useful - they only limit our access to healthcare. Those who would steal from us have names, faces, and addresses. Justice will only come from the working class.

Inbox: ‘Wanted’ posters of healthcare CEOs wheatpasted around lower Manhattan ahead of today’s Goldman Sachs Financial Services conference.

“Those who would steal from us have names, faces, and addresses. Justice will only come from the working class,” per anon communique.

Insurance Company Celebrates 50 Billionth Fucking Over Of Customer -The Onion

Insurance Company Celebrates 50 Billionth Fucking Over Of Customer
theonion.com/insurance-co...

Time for my plea that you all go watch Silent Night Deadly Night 2, the greatest Christmas Movie of all time

Genuinely thought that was French for a second

You gotta

Cheesy grilled cauliflower

Ridiculously proud of the cauliflower steak I made tonight

My car decides to have its first problem ever and die when I’m on the way to a job interview 😭 Et tu, Honda Fit??

Girlfriend Keeps Dropping Hints About Wanting 17-Hectare Mausoleum Complex -The Onion

Girlfriend Keeps Dropping Hints About Wanting 17-Hectare Mausoleum Complex
theonion.com/girlfriend-k...

My bf drew my animal crossing sona 😭

American Express Launches Small Sweatshop Saturday The Onion

American Express Launches Small Sweatshop Saturday
theonion.com/american-exp...

Love having a lot of blankets on my bed and turning the heat down so I can pretend that I’m covered in pelts of various beasts

preceding post is a warning for after I become King. all your franchises are going away. you get one sequel that's it. then you have to actually come up with a new fuckin idea. no more ten trillionth batman reboot. new ideas or kick rocks