Chronic Illness Humor

i'd like to note, my body is a jerk, but i am awesome, we are 2 different people. right now we aren't on speaking terms.

a quilt that says 'sometimes i have to crawl to get to the bathroom' symptom journal quilt by nicole jones studio

Artist: www.nicolejones.studio

top 3 traitors: 3.brutas 2.judas 1.my joints mybodyistryingtokillme.com

1 - death comes into bathroom and woman on toilet says 'oh no not like this!' 2 - he leaves and says 'ok i'll wait'

Artist: @war.and.peas

HOW TO GET RID OF ANY SICKNESS 1 Shower in apple cider vinegar 2 Snort 6G of turmeric for breakfast 3 Carry around 33 bottles of essential oils 4 Insert a magical crystal ball up your vagina 5 Avoid meat, diary, grains, legumes, nuts, seeds, vegetables, water and people 6 Drink 50 litres of celery juice every day 7 Rub coconut oil in your eyes 8 Do a yoga

background is space i was feeling okay, so naturally the universe sent me a punishment flare

5u5 - thats just the way the pussy crumbles synthgay responded please see a gynecologist

It's not supposed to crumble

"On a scale of medieval dog, how are you feeling today?" featuring a 3x3 grid of nine numbered illustrations from medieval manuscripts. Each illustration depicts a dog with distinct, often bizarre or human-like characteristics: 1: A fluffy white dog with a startled, human-like face and wide eyes. 2: A slender, blue-grey dog standing on its hind legs, interacting with a person in red hosen. 3: A beige dog with long ears sitting calmly against a backdrop of green foliage. 4: A white dog with a very flat, human-looking face and a slight smirk. 5: A stoic, white curly-haired dog sitting on a red cushion with a serious expression. 6: A brown dog with an elongated, drooping snout and large, heavy ears. 7: A pinkish, thin dog standing upright and playing a set of bagpipes. 8: A very shaggy, upright dog with a wide, toothy grin and human-like eyes. 9: A simple, olive-colored dog sitting in profile, looking slightly dejected.

I'm the medieval dog that got hit by an ox-cart

when u expect the worst and the worst happens but you're happy because you expected correctly [pic of guy with knife is chest and he's smiling]

I knew this flare was gonna be bad

Wow. That's unspirational. [background - a beautiful sunset upont he water and hills and shrubbery] have a flare. you've earned it. now go lay in the dark and think about what you did. mybodyistryingtokillme.com

Wow. That's not very inspirational.

[pic of doctor shaking hand with patient - doctors give area patient six months to Li...quidated assets and settle balances - mybodyistryingtokillme.com

#satire

i wish i could do it all, but my body makes choices for me. each task costs energy i don't always have, and sometimes just getting thru the day is an accomplishment

tumble-tv on tumblr "My lifesaving medication should not be $4000 per dose. My other lifesaving medication should not be $1200 per dose. My other lifesaving medication should not be $200 per bottle. The medication that I need to live should not cost more than my rent.

Source: tumble-tv on tumblr

i feel like when your spoons are gone, u should be grayed out and unavailable, like a character in a video game that hasn't been unlocked yet. mybodyistryingtokillme.com

I feel grayed out already

dr: "your days are numbered" me: no, duh, dipshit. it's called a calendar. dr.: 5 me: huh? dr. 4 me: what...what are you doing? dr: 3 me: stop it. dr. 2 me: *crying* dr: 1 mybodyistryingtokillme.com

omg my doctor only spent 5 minutes with me for an appointment i waited 6 months for. i got so much of my time back that i can finally pursue my passions. mybodyistryingtokillme.com

Looking for a clone to attend appointments so I don’t have to.

If I suddenly stop blinking, just know I’ve retreated into my "pain cave."

intersexfairy on tumblr probably "sensory issues be like *turns up phone brightness to hear better* *turns off light to see better* *socks don’t have to match but they MUST be the same length and texture* *washes hands out of no where because they don’t feel clean* *oversensitive to one sense but undersensitive to another, related sense* *unlocks phone to concentrate*" #actually autism, #autism things, #actually autistic, #adhd, and #actually adhd

a comic of a guy in future type clothing looking at rifles on the wall and ammo below it and ghouls or zombies are trying to get int the room "shoot, i forgot why i came in here." Artist: @ToonHoleChris

Artist: @ToonHoleChris on Insta

someone holding up a black t-shirt that says another fine day ruined by having a body etsy.com/shop/ChronicIllnessTees or redbubble.com/people/chronicillnessT

As shirts, stickers etc www.etsy.com/shop/Chronic... or www.redbubble.com/people/Chron...

1 - a guy smiling 'what a great day this will be!' 2 - he gets whacked with a board - face all red and eyes googly 3 - backup and you can see that it's life whacking you over and over again with a board 4 - life throws you a bill #085 it's a hard knock life marginally creative comics

Artist: @marginallycreativecomics on insta

in Hell, you get blood drawn in an endless loop by someone who says 'wow, your veins are tricky.' mybodyistryingtokillme.com

[background beach] i wake up just like everyone else does... reluctantly. mybodyistryingtokillme.com

[pic of doctor pressing on young woman's belly] this woman went to the emergency room like she was still on her parents insurance mybodyistryingtokillme.com

Nobody tells you the copay hurts more

#satire

@chronicnotebook: It still shocks me that people wake up everyday and just feel... healthy. No pain, no fatigue, no headache, no stomach ache, no joint pains just... a body floating through the day. As a chronically ill person I literally cannot imagine or remember what that feels like.

@the_chronic_notebook on Insta

Source: chronicaallychill on tumblr - I don't think people recognize how exhausting it is to consistently do your best and it still not be good enough

Source: chronicaallychill on tumblr

the invisible illness in me recognizes the invisible illness in you [pic of will smith and the other guy from step brothers 'did we just become best friends?'

My spoons left to get cigarettes 20 years ago and never came back mybodyistryingtokillme.com

how my doctor thinks i see him [pic of god] how i really see him [pic of duck 'quack quack quack'

My current doctors are good, but some of the past ones were ducks