Wolfe Hanson

Rep LaMonica McIver was manhandled there today, and she posted about it, only for a bunch of white women to screech "do something!" at her. These fuckin people....

Dog is broken. Send repairman, please.

To this day, 17 years later, if the breeze is blowing correctly, or the light hits just right, I can still hear, echoing in the distance... "Boy, wash yo neck!"

Self-awareness exploded like a bomb as everything became clear. The woman pointed at my neck like, "Well, yeah." I died inside. No date was offered. I went home and showered, then spent the night drinking at the bar across the street.⁣

Before either of us could react, this woman yells at me (without stopping or slowing her pace), "Boy, wash yo neck!"⁣

Anyway, me, still unaware of my grease-ladden state, was about to ask this woman if she wanted to go get a drink or something to eat. But literally right before the words came out of my mouth, an older black woman appeared and sauntered by, staring at me. ⁣

Unknowingly, I had gotten some on my clothes and apparently wiped a large smudge of on my own neck.⁣
⁣
The young woman I was chatting up either did not want to say anything out of awkwardness, or I was talking too much for her to segway to that topic.⁣
⁣

What I did not know was that someone has apparently either intentionally pulled a prank on me, or a grease-covered wannabe cartoon thief left some messy evidence. Regardless, someone has gotten what I assumed to be car grease until the door handle to my car.⁣
⁣

⁣This seemed initially to be a good thing, as the young woman and I talked at length outside the bar/restaurant and seemed to be clicking. Maybe what was originally scheduling snafu and inconvenience would turn into an impromptu date?⁣
⁣

I was in various groups, hoping to find groups based on interests I held and /or might in the future hold.⁣
⁣
I went to an afternoon event downtown one day, not knowing that the group had last second canceled the event a few hours prior. I, and one other poor soul, showed up unaware. ⁣

2008. I was freshly divorced, had practically no friends, and was lying by myself and attempting to date for the first time as an adult.⁣
⁣
Foolishly, I joined the terrible online slow-motion car crash metaphor posing as a social event grabbag known as Meet-Up dot com.⁣

We just started Intruder. You definitely have my dog Ollie's full attention.

I just saw a dolphin and it thanked me for "all the fish" and then fucked off into outer space. What does that mean? Should I be worried? Everything's probably fine, right?

I'm mad at him tonight cuz he was naughty. But here's a pic from many days ago when he was being sweet.

I'm starting a new venture selling insurance to conspiracy theorists, that will "protect" them from Illuminati attacks, chemtrail injuries, flatearth slip and falls, and any sheeple-related catastrophes.

It's called Deep State Farm.

Ugh, that all sucks, man.

The nazi dickholws eliminating all the social safety nets out of spite is going to hurt so many.

Hey, bud, how are you?

I love you, science. But maybe sometimes I don't actually need to know things.

"Life coaches" are just people who weren't motivated enough to run an ENTIRE cult.

My dog may be a bird from a meme

I named my really old, beat-up coffee maker "Jim Brewer." Not because it brews coffee, but because like Jim Breuer, I can't believe it's still working.

My lap was not enough, so Ollie has oozed onto the coffee table.
#muttslide

Yikes

Okay, Disney, here's my pitch:
The Human Show -- A cast of regular human performers that work at a variety show that each week is hosted by a Muppet.

You know that's coming alive at night.

Metaphorical

Maybe Vice Admiral of giant fake monster teeth?

The Gulf of Russian-backed Coup

They aren't even governing, TBH.

I hear they are going to rebrand and change their name to GARGLE.