Biscuits (Chad Noonien Singh)

Going back to 1992 to get a cheesesteak and a bottle of Dom at Miami Subs

Dermatologist: There’s extensive scarring on your arms and hands, do you work outside?

Me: I have an orange cat

In retrospect putting Texans in concentration camps would have been an objective good

Now I’ve heard there was a secret chord
That Bongo played, and it pleased the Lord
Bovino don’t really care for migrants, do he?
It goes like this, the fourth, the fifth
The Nazi coat, the munchkin Sith
The tiny prince imposing deportation

Twitter is where people advocate slavery but you get jailed for saying someone should beat slavers’ asses

By now, asteroid 2026 Dreadstone has impacted the Indian Ocean, sparking a firestorm not seen on this planet since the K–Pg Extinction Event. Most people just want to be with their families. Here are three ways effective business leaders can leverage targeted KPIs to turn tragedy 😔 into triumph 💪

Oh this is gonna be bad for Biden

You’d think a man who turned into salami would consider a career outside the culinary industry. Seems risky for someone of his nature.

Wait nobody else paid rent in third grade?

If this stands, it establishes a precedent allowing the next board to name it The Kennedy (Was A Much Better President Than Trump) Center

This is a terrible idea, because Russian hackers will use the aged images for identity theft

We don’t do laws anymore. Vibe governance!

Christmas movies on Great American are like Hallmark without the sexual tension

Brb pitching MAD MAX: DREAD POETS SOCIETY

Sometimes bad things happen to bad people

It’s flagaroni. Classic It(AI)lian food.

I'm not saying life is a vicious circle. But it may be a cruel rhombus. Or a callous trapezoid. At the very least, life is a bloodthirsty parallelogram

The arc of the universe is long, but it bends toward crab

MAGA voted for terrible cruelty because they think they’re the right kind of people

As we celebrate Awareness Month, please share this if you know anyone, or know anyone who knows anyone.

This is how my mom taught me

He makes CRESCENT ROLLS! The truth is hiding in plain sight

elmo from sesame street stands in front of a bright red background ALT: elmo from sesame street stands in front of a bright red background

Elmo is a Trotskyite

Schlemiel! Schlimazel! Donald Trump Incorporated!

Oh God was Epstein effectively making economic policy prior to his prison stay?

18 million people, 12 million cattle

“…anyway, illegals are why the McFlurry machines are always broken…”

A reunion tour with Capaldi channeling Malcolm Tucker would be awe inspiring