Brian Wise: Snarkasaurus Rex. Ω, MFers.

This is perfect.

I have always, ALWAYS been highly suspicious of evangelicals and evangelical religions, even as early as three years old.

Right now?

All of my worst assumptions are being proven true.

Why evangelicals couldn't care less about Trump's Epstein scandal They have a long history of falling for narcissists posing as Saviors.

Thought Trump's Epstein scandal might bother evangelicals? No, they couldn't care less.

The collective shrug is part of a long evangelical tradition of falling for narcissists who pose as saviors.

Don't be this asshole.

Abbott just issued arrest warrants for the Dems who fled the state.

Rep Jasmine Crockett: unbothered.

“You have a lot of intelligent attorneys that serve in the Texas House, and so they know there’s nothing he can do outside of the Texas jurisdiction.”

Seriously, someone needs to give these Republicans a makeover so they DON'T wear the glasses most likely to remind their voters of 1980s Afterschool Special pedophiles.

Republican Rep. Mike Flood’s town hall was a dumpster fire: for him.

“There’s been a lot of misinformation out there about the bill,” Flood said.

Yes, there has. From you and Republicans trying to hoodwink us. The crowd yelled, “Vote him out!” as the hour-and-a-half meeting ended.

... I disagree, unless you're describing the notion of why billionaires are bad and we should have zero of them

Okay but seriously WHAT IS IT WITH MAGA IDIOTS AND THEIR TONGUES TODAY

I can't believe I'm saying this but I have a feeling that was just straight up fucking genocidal incompetence not actual intentional genocide

Her expression is the same one I've seen on so many journalists' faces listening to him.

It says, "I could be doing something less demeaning and pointless. Like installing left-hand signals on BMWs and Priuses"

"Yeah, that guy might have created a terrorist state and intentionally starved millions to death while manufacturing a crisis designed to purge an ethnic minority from his nation in direct violation of the UN charter and against the Geneva Convention, but Elon is such a douche"

I mean I see it, but

But but but if you tax 2% on $1m that's $20k the millionaires can't spend on something vital and important like shoes they're never going to wear

I mean I'm just saying, holy shit, Musk is a complete incompetent douchebag who has one of the most punchable faces on the planet but HOW IS HE BELOW AN ACTUAL ARCHITECT OF GENOCIDE

Okay but for real how is Musk BELOW an actual genocidal dictator

If any of this was true my prescription wouldn't cost $20 today instead of the $3 it cost when Biden was president.

Chances are in the Epstein room at Lard-A-MAGA

I just want to point out that Comer invested a bunch of money with sketchy AF marijuana grow-ops out of China and also has a face like an aged pancake. And he's approximately 5 years older than me, which makes me wonder if he drank from the wrong holy Grail but like just a sip to be polite

It is Tuesday, August 5, 2025!

MAGA: Trump as proof that there is a God.

Me: He is the is proof there isn't a God.
Me: But there is a @thegodpodcast.com podcast.

MAGA: Jesus Christ!

Me: Yeah, he's on there too.

a picture of a ladder that says mnf on the top ALT: a picture of a ladder that says mnf on the top

A modest suggestion.

Like oh God that is SUCH an eye bleach moment in history

Okay but can we maybe talk about exactly what RFK jr is doing there with his tongue and why he's giving Trump a complete eyefucking because I want to be clear holy shit this is the worst slashfic timeline ever

SO NOTHING TO SEE HERE FOLKS!
Oh wait, YOU ALREADY SAW IT!
So we don't have to release anymore stuff.
WE THE PEOPLE DEMAND TO SEE THE UNREDACTED EPSTEIN FILES.
NOTHING REDACTED.

Trump officially has a lower approval rating than spray cheese ravioli and unsolicited dick pic text messages

A gray tabby cat lying on a gray sofa with a Hunan's hand draped over her belly

This cat keeps grabbing my arm and snuggling like "no. Too early. Silly human give more belly scritches"

I have avoided Texas for the last 25 years. I don't go there. I don't buy Texan products. I don't patronize Texas companies, and I generally won't buy stuff from Etsy or eBay shops operating out of Texas.

I can't "avoid all Texas" because logistic supply chains are a thing but yeah. #MessWithTexas

I tend to think of it like a bender. You know, if going to Vegas and drinking for a whole week every day from morning to 3am. After a while you probably don't notice that anything is wrong, you just order another triple martini and omelette special and stumble out to lose another $50b at Idiot Poker

Ever notice women don't post shit like "nobody wants a man who [insert things here]"?

I'm just sayin'

Good morning 🌞

Now let's look at Jerkules 10 years later...

oh god, he drank from the wrong holy grail, didn't he