Brian Wise: Snarkasaurus Rex. Ω, MFers.

I'm not a Catholic. But imma just say when it comes to this particular battle I highly doubt Bannon is going to win it.

The extra irony is that chances are AI wrote at least half her bullshit

I'm beginning to think that the way we invent sports is just to stick Scotsmen way up in the most remote areas of the country with no entertainment, give them unlimited scotch and hand them random sticks and say "NOW MAKE A GAME, LADDIE".

It CAN go horribly wrong.

Haggis.

I'm just saying.

(for the record we are talking about Donald Trump's grandfather. Not mine.)

Like this wasn't his first time getting thrown out of town. He was absolutely a bad person from the get-go and was almost lynched three times alone in Monte Cristo.

Oh, it's a LOT more than that. He was in both Seattle as the lowest of the brothels before getting run out of town by Mother Damnable for abusing his prostitutes and his debts.

Then he was literally run out of the ghost town of Monte Cristo for similar reasons.

That's why he went to the Yukon.

(also, what am I going to do with a pitchfork after all this? I barely compost as it is.)

Have you SEEN the cost of a pitchfork lately?

Jeez, man

Way to flaunt your pitchfork privilege

Just as an FYI, because the White House is a National Park, the renovation to the ballroom must be available for comments from the public and all comments are posted on the website.

I'm just letting you know that it's required by law to allow people to comment on said plans.

The only common heritage Trump and I have is that our families have German roots.

Mine happen to be the useful, smart, intelligent Germans.

His, not so much

Fetterman also has had a stroke, so it's possible he too doesn't remember things that actually happened.

I told my Canadian friends that everything I know about curling I learned by watching Men With Brooms while drunk on Molson Ice.

They were not impressed.

When the drugs hit and you still haven't sold enough tickets to pay for a warm Coors Light much less your drug dealer

Also, $60 seems high

$6 seems high

$0.60 seems high

Bomb did he bomb dang he keep diggy diggy a hole for himself

"Wildly Liberal" is the bar you want to be at.

Never "Super Conservative"

If they force us to choose between Randy Fine and slime mold, I'm just going to say the slime mold occupies a vital ecological niche

The only person mentioned more than Epstein in the Epstein files is Donald Trump.

Seriously. It's serial rapist and pedophile pimp Jeffery Epstein, then Donald Trump.

The only reason they aren't called the Trump files is because Epstein is the one who had them.

Yes.

"committed perjury" is a phrase that can be used.

Let's all try it together.

Major News: New Epstein Files Reveal Evidence That Shows Pam Bondi Misled Congress as DOJ Faces Intensifying Backlash Good evening everyone.

Major update: New Epstein Files Show Pam Bondi misled Congress about whether there were any criminal allegations against Donald Trump.

Alan Dershowitz lies while suggesting Epstein was not a pedophile.

Backlash against the DOJ grows fast.

Jeffries pledges to redistrict more states.

O'Keefe to Homan: "2 agents now on leave bc video evidence shows sworn testimony appears to be untruthful. DHS initially said officer who shot the migrant was being ambushed. Combine that w/ 2 deadly shootings & a Chicago incident where evidence contradicted govt - does this undermine trust in ICE?"

My game plan, in its entirety, is to at some point commission a series of disturbingly contrasting paintings like this just to confuse the holy fuck out of my inheritors, and stash them in a storage unit somewhere.

Yeah, I'm just messing with them

After last year’s gesture-gate, the masks are off. There's no more pretense. Musk is now saying the quiet part out loud: their movement is a white nationalist movement. In his myopic worldview, there’s no place for Black, Hispanic/Latino, Asian, Native, Jewish, or anyone who doesn’t conform.

Anyone with that kind of fucking smarmy smile is someone who is about as trustworthy as a tissue condom

Trump: I hate this. I hate these women. Noem is totally incompetent and makes me look bad. Bondi is completely failing to make this go away.

DeSantis: ... sup, girl?

Major News: New Epstein Files Reveal Evidence That Shows Pam Bondi Misled Congress as DOJ Faces Intensifying Backlash Good evening everyone.

WOW
open.substack.com/pub/aaronpar...

Also, let's be honest: the right time for Vulcans to have First Contact Day with Earth was definitely BEFORE Trump moved into the white house

I mean, I absolutely figured out the shorthand, because... I mean, it's @barackobama.bsky.social. He ain't stupid. He can do math.