Mike Hawk

A meme: on the left, an imagine of legs in black leather chaps with the butt exposed, labeled "Assless Chaps." On the right, a screenshot from King of the Hill of Hank Hill at the doctor's office, showing he has no butt

this is a brand account

I AM Big Cock™️

I've been riding that one dick joke for 7 years and it still works!

Most of my neighbors work 2nd shift which is usually nice, except today, when the power was out when I woke up and I was wandering around trying to find someone to confirm it wasnt my unit

Also like, quite a lot of us worship cock for the comedy potential of it

I think you're safe as long as you arent supposed to be running a country

shirking at work to go make weird art and fuck your friends, truly the dream

"Succession of close friendships"

Honestly no one has ever asked me what school I went to in a professional context. The only people who care are like, graduate schools sometimes, and law firms I think? Idk it never comes up. Even folks who do go to Harvard learn quickly to not talk about it or it will make them look pretentious

The billionaires wont help.

If you cant donate, thats fine. But those who do donate are doing so because we can't exactly rely on the billionaires.

The kids didnt vote for this.

The children didnt steal anything from you. They cant even vote.

We can hold our leaders accountable AND help those most in need while they dither.

my cat also hides under the bed when he surprises himself by farting

Yeah my cat only reacted when I shot them off in my backyard and then he just hid under the bed and was chill once they stopped

I saw Goodman Kayin with the Devil

inside you there are two @spank-knightly.bsky.social . One is nacho and one is cool ranch. that ancient TikTok plays on loop at all times. nanabanana

I got a weird sex toy for drag purposes but multiple people have asked me to use it on them out of sheer curiosity so now I gotta go get a second copy of the weird sex toy for drag purposes

If you don't know who this is about, he is a well known PDX king now and his friends like to harass people who discretely notify them of his history.

I'll tell anyone who wants to know, though.

It feels like an annual occurrence that this shitbag pops up again and I get reminded of him bragging to me about raping my friend

Hes definitely earned enough punches on his card for the free dunks

@kingperk.bsky.social and @henlobullfrog.bsky.social have both been here enough that we will just pretend we can claim them as Boston boys. Dual citizenship

ngl I think it was that the guys who have the experience to want to compete have either too much experience (like Throb), they're broke and couldn't take the time off, or they have day jobs and couldn't take the time off

Battí

I love that chameleons and cats both get post poo zoomies

Was asked if I'd been cruising at rose wharf a few months back and it took me wayyyyy too long to remember I'd been on an actual boat cruise in March with the day job

Our pride event list is better than whatever crap your local mainstream media provider puts out because ours actually includes the 18+ alcohol-free yaoi drag show. You'd only get that from the gl*be if the editor didn't bother to google yaoi.

Anyway congratulate me on the patent that I wish I could share publicly and promise is not made up at all 😭

(Its for a medical device)