Stone Cold Jane Austen

I’ve been told I have the perfect face for podcasting

What 1987 song do you think will rechart (or chart for the first time, perhaps) thanks to Stranger Things 5?

Are You There, God? It’s Men, Opause

Fine, I won’t wish you a Lexus December To Remeber.

Goddammit

Merry Chrysler and a Mercury Cougar

I’m not celebrating Toyotathon this year, so don’t even think about wishing me Happy Honda Days

*folds my Larry Summers flag into a triangle while weeping*

Pack up
I'm straight
Enough
Oh, say, say, say
Oh, say, say, say
Oh, say, say, say
Oh, say, say, say
Oh, say, say, say
Wait, they don't love you like I love you
Wait, they don't love you like I love you
Maps
Wait, they don't love you like I love you

*big exhale* Injizzible

thank god the jizz poem is invisible the lesbian eye

Petco Supplies and Fish store with the “s” “u” and two “p”s burnt out

I’m headed to Petco Lies & Fish if anyone wants anything

I won’t go near a pomegranate

*me, following Virgil through the nine circles of hell* I’m hungry

Barista, I would like a non-demi curious, semi-binary Grande.

ENTERTAINMENT Ariana Grande, Cynthia Erivo Allegedly In A 'Non-Demi Curious, Semi-Binary' Relationship

What is a friendship if not an allegedly non-demi curious, semi-binary relationship?

Two tickets to the muscle show, please

If you’re really bored, you can just pick up something and test to see if it’s a boomerang

This is a wonderful time to support journalists who do the work, don’t fuck sources, and actually have moral clarity.

i promise i don’t mean to high horse this but if you’re thinking about giving lizza ten bucks there are a lot of good independent journalists whose work you could subscribe to for a month instead

More to Panic! At the Disco

But! Maybe to Broadway too

Silence! Of the Lambs

Well, folks, I’m logging off my shift at the Staying Informed Factory.

Donald Trump looking the happiest I’ve ever seen him talking to Mamdani, with a Reagan portrait hanging in the wall behind them

Crying at Ronald Reagan bearing silent witness

To clarify, I think EC is beautiful and I wished I lived there. But that would be untenable. And I was coming off anesthesia, lol

This post-colonoscopy clarity is quite a metaphor

BUS RIDES IN CITES SHOULD BE FREE.

Thank you

I came out of my colonoscopy twilight sleep talking mad shit about Ellicott City, Maryland

Are you telling me Mamdani and Trump scheduled their “Socialism Showdown” during my colonoscopy of all days?????