A Haintological Negro

so i find myself "overthinking," wondering 'will my book make any money' and then thinking 'if not then what's the point.' and it's hard to get outta that mindset when you're pregnant, struggling, and stressed about the future.

i think i just worry a lot because I've lost so much income over the past few years, for lots of different reasons, and my primary goal atm is to make enough money where i don't ever need to crowdfund for basic needs again, which i find stressful and demoralizing.

they say you have to let your audience find you, so instead of using this feeling as an excuse to stop writing i decided to put my non-fiction project on the backburner for a little bit and move forward with the projects that bring me jwa (joy).

honestly, sometimes i be struggle with writing these days because i feel like there's no audience for what i want to publish if it's not about "sex work" or related topics and I'm honestly burnt out on all of it unless it's written in narrative/fictional form.

i mostly hate everything I've written or published in the past but i DO appreciate the love 😅 I'll definitely be publishing something more substantial by the end of this year for sure now that I've finally gotten through that 3-4 year (2019-2023) depression.

the essays in art/exhibition books are severely underrated tbh, I'm reading this one right now that includes an essay from Suzanne Césaire. i wish i had been able to go up to Fort Worth to see the actual exhibition smh...

Well yes I can imagine why he'd want this to be the definition.

High maternity costs hit Black and Hispanic patients hardest: study The cost burdens of maternity care may exacerbate significant racial disparities, researchers say.

Black and Hispanic people paid more in out-of-pocket costs for maternal care than Asian and white people with the same commercial insurance, a new study published in JAMA Health Forum found.

I'm supposed to be nonchalant because social media isn't for money, silly! it's for fun. all the people with advanced degrees and/or regular (full time) employment or illustrious gigs, whose baskets are bigger or more varied, are saying that blue checks are now for poseurs and losers.

the thing about Twitter failing is... people say don't put your eggs in one basket. but my eggs are everywhere like Easter. and yet Twitter imploding will definitely affect me socially and economically. but I'm not supposed to care. and I'm not supposed to buy a blue check because, because.

i had to rewrite this because i was dealing with my toddler and mistyped 😆

For those of us whose livelihoods require social media, staying on Twitter was worth it. Not everyone uses social media for shits and giggles. Half of my income comes from blogging/speaking/consulting and social media is a huge part of that.

That shit is insane smh