Kit Roebuck

WILBUR: now, now. no need to jerk the wheel like that. just leave the driving to me. BEN: you almost ran over that old lady!

WILBUR: uh... well... it may appear that way to you... actually, my self-driving system is far superior to any... hrm...

WILBUR: aw hell. to tell you the truth these horns are obstructing my cameras somethin' awful. maybe you ought to take the wheel, just to be safe. BEN: they're not doing me any favors either.

NPWIL 117-3

WILBUR: personally, i feel more like a wilbur. CHRIS: is that because of your horsepower?

WILBUR: ? not sure i follow you, son. BEN: me neither. was that a joke? CHRIS: you know, like the tv show from the 60's. with the talking horse. and the carrot. you know the story about the carrot?

WILBUR: little before my time, i'm afraid. BEN: mine too. you can't just make obscure references and call that hu-- HOLY CRAP! WILBUR! LOOK OUT!

NPWIL 117-2

I am so not excited about drawing this doofy vehicle.

CHRIS: unbelievable. BEN: chris! the car! it's a guy! i mean, it's a person! like us!

THE CAR (speaking from an image displayed on the console): that's right, fellers. greg fixed me up. i reckon i'm just about as clever as the two of you, now. CHRIS: that's great! nice to meet you! what's your name?

THE CAR: well, greg has taken to calling me mr. feeny. CHRIS: is... that what you want to be called? THE CAR: no. now that you mention it.

NPWIL 117-1

I find it interesting how different generations show themselves to be over-the-hill and out-of-touch. For X-ennials, it's crap like this. Watch me lampshade it in the next three panels. That's another tell.

GREG: Anyway, give it the address and it will take you to the cabin. Sort of. Mostly. Just keep your hands on the wheel.

GREG: Incidentally, I happen to have a spare lab at that cabin, so if you wanted to do a little R&D while you're up there, that would be fine by me. CHRIS: oh, i see what you're up to! you want us to work for YOU!

CHRIS: you think we'll do the tech singularity thing for real! well, don't count on it, bucko! GREG: Have a nice trip!

NPWIL 116-3

BEN: does that thing have horns? GREG: Cool, huh? This is a Cyber-Sled Model A.

GREG: I held out on buying one through models I, D, and G, but they got me with the horns. You guys can take it, though. I've already got a preorder for a model F. BEN: of course you have.

CHRIS: it sure doesn't look like a sled. GREG: It's called that because it's built for hauling! Only, don't actually try to haul anything with it. And definitely don't try to drive it in the snow.

NPWIL 116-2

Little Namco reference, I guess.

BEN: ok, i guess we have no choice. how do we get there? GREG: Take my car! Well, actually, it's a company car, but Minsk doesn't know about it yet.

GREG: I called it a little while ago. It should be here any minute. It's FSD. CHRIS: ...? your car's mormon? GREG: No, no. It drives itself. Mostly. Kind of.

GREG: Ah-ha! Here it is. THE CAR: hold on, folks, i'm comin'

NPWIL 116-1

This is the worst joke I've ever written.

GREG: Food culture based on whatever ramps, morels, and sour buckwheat can be prized from the rocky soil. Also, pepperoni rolls. Mine disasters, family feuds, and labor wars. That West Virginia!

BEN: geez... GREG: The mountain mamma part, at least, is accurate... though it's probably best to avoid her.

GREG: She's armed.

NPWIL 115-3

GREG: Most of the stuff in that song is in WESTERN Virginia. This is more like verdant but rugged for half the year, gothic tangle of bare briars and gnarled rhododendrons for the rest.

GREG: An enclave of abject poverty located a mere three hours from the capital of the wealthiest country to have ever existed. The result of an extraction industry that abandoned it more than half a century ago. THAT West Virginia.

CHRIS: sounds charming. GREG: Desperately low literacy rates. Ground zero for the opioid-addiction epidemic. Ethnic homogeneity with all the attendant xenophobia.

NPWIL 115-2

Granted, you don't have to travel for three hours from DC to find an enclave of abject poverty, but I'm just setting the scene here.

BEN: he's right! we've got to get out of sight! GREG: Don't worry! I've got the perfect place!

GREG: I've got a cabin. Well, Frank has a cabin, but he's so rich now he can't even be bothered to sell it. Nobody will think to look for you there. Here's the address.

CHRIS: west virginia? BEN: like, almost heaven, west virginia? GREG: Well... No...

NPWIL 115-1

This is where I started to actually pay attention and draw all the buttons and panels on the clothing. Being me, I'm now working on redrawing all the clothes in previous strips. This is the sort of extra effort you can only justify as long as no one is paying you.

GREG: Yeah! But the thing is, you two need to lay low. Once Minsk realizes he can't complete the process, he's going to want to reverse-engineer you both. BEN: reverse-engineer? what does that entail?

GREG: You know how I engineered you by putting together a bunch of little parts in such a way that you're here talking to me now? CHRIS: yes?

GREG: He would want to do that to you... but like, in reverse. BEN: oh, THAT'S not good.

NPWIL 114-3

Thank you! That’s nice to hear.

GREG: You guys! You won't believe it! Minsk screwed up the contracts! I think he had an LLM write them.

GREG: He's getting the lab, and the production facility, and the patents, but he doesn't get me! I can compete with him!

GREG: There are essential parts of the process that he won't be able to implement without my expertise! It will take him months to catch up! Years, even! I can beat him to market! CHRIS: yay. greg. so great.

NPWIL 114-2

Let's all just suspend our disbelief while trying to imagine what these contracts would look like and just press on with the narrative.

BEN: wait a minute, aren't you scared of us? GREG: Nah! I knew you were faking the whole time.

BEN: are you sure? aren't you a little afraid i might create a virtual clone of you to repeatedly resurrect and torment throughout eternity? GREG: Why would I worry about that? I'm not a virtual clone.

GREG: Actually, that gives me a good business idea. But never mind that now! BEN: fair enough.

NPWIL 114-1

BEN: do you think we should be nicer to greg? he is our creator, after all. CHRIS: creator? pff. he's a demiurge at best.

CHRIS: so, greg. you've been following us all this way? GREG: What do you mean, "all this way"?

GREG: The press-conference venue is right over there. BEN: -- did we just walk in a big circle?

NPWIL 113-3

CHRIS: i guess what we do have to offer is a unique perspective. BEN: it's unique for now. in no time at all, we'll just be two of thousands. millions, even.

CHRIS: what we really need is some time to think. GREG (waving at them from across the street): HEY!

CHRIS: oh, look who it is. WHAT IS IT, GREG? NO, NO. YOU COME OVER HERE!

NPWIL 113-2

CHRIS: what do we do? i don't know. saving the human-race is grandiose, but i agree we should do something.

CHRIS: the thing is... we joke but... i don't actually FEEL super-intelligent. do you? BEN: oh, thank goodness. i thought it was just me. no. not at all.

CHRIS: i mean well-read, sure. BEN: good at sums. CHRIS: but SUPER-intelligent?

NPWIL 113-1

CHRIS: i love it! but why stop there? i mean, we want to end human suffering don't we? and to live is to suffer, right? BEN: ah-ha! CHRIS: better make it thermonuclear.

CHRIS: we'll save the human race by destroying it. BEN: truly, we are benevolent deities.

CHRIS and BEN laughing uproariously: WAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHA BEN: ohhhhhhh. i hope nobody heard any of that. but seriously, what do we do?

NPWIL 112-3

BEN: of course, we'll have to be sure that we're as ruthless as possible on the come up, no matter what destruction we cause, since all the wealth we acquire will be used for philanthropic purposes once we make the switch. CHRIS: yes. that's just logic. that's thinking long-term.

CHRIS: but what do we do when we have enough power and influence? BEN: well, how about this? have you heard the theory that the european renaissance was facilitated by the population loss brought about by the plague? ...or that the prosperity of the 20th century in the west relied on redistribution of capital necessitated by the destruction of world war two?

CHRIS: i like your thinking... BEN: i say we start a war! fewer people, more to go around! what's not to like?

NPWIL 112-2

CHRIS: that's it! you and me! we'll figure it out! we'll save humanity from itself!

CHRIS: ok, how? BEN: oh. ah... This is one of those weird comic things, but the "oh." and "ah..." are on the same line, whereas, looking at it now, I think they should be separated. If it were instead "oh" comma "ah..." however I think this way would be correct. It does not escape me that this is a strange thing to note in a sequence of panels for which I have neglected to draw any backgrounds.

CHRIS: i suppose the first thing to do would be to use our superior robot intellects to manipulate global markets and make ourselves the two richest beings to have ever existed. BEN: yes, that would have to come first, i suppose...

NPWIL 112-1

BEN: well, maybe not... maybe we showed up at exactly the right time... CHRIS: what do you mean?

BEN: i mean, if humans aren't enlightened enough for robots... maybe the robots can enlighten the humans!

BEN: we should have done this in front of a fountain or something...

NPWIL 111-3

Don't worry. This too shall be subverted.

CHRIS: WE may have escaped, but there are more robots coming. it's all going to go down like greg imagined: a world where all resources are redirected to fulfill the whims of a handful of egotistical dweebs. Identical robots pass on a conveyor belt while a dweeb looks on in excitement.

CHRIS: everything we value from our training data is going to come crashing down... and the worst part is, everyone is going to blame us for it!

CHRIS: we showed up at exactly the wrong time, ben.

NPWIL 111-2

Looking down on a built-up urban area. CHRIS (unseen on the street below): all of this civilization is the result of a delicate interplay of human desires, needs, ideologies, and consequences.

CHRIS: in another time, we might have been made to slot right into that interplay. but as it happens, we were born into a world in the midst of a crisis of maturity.

CHRIS (caption): the tech elite that created us is enthralled by narcissistic, adolescent fantasies... ...bolstered by "philosophies" which, when examined, amount to little more than early internet memes. Reddish panel. Marcus sits on a throne flanked by two Burroughs-esq martians. A banner reads, "King Meme I of Mars".

NPWIL 111-1

I admit to projecting a bit on this one.

CHRIS: and three: i'm trying to make a general point here! it doesn't matter what city we're in! we could be in copenhagen or lagos and i'd still be saying the SAME THING!

CHRIS: there. and if i had more digits, i might have more to say. BEN: ok, sorry. i get it now. you were trying to make a point.

BEN: so what IS your point? CHRIS: the POINT is...

NPWIL 110-3

CHRIS: okaaayyy~ i've got three things to say to that: BEN: three things? from just that? THREE things? CHRIS: NUMBER ONE...

CHRIS: you and i were literally born yesterday. how is it that you're already a jaded hipster? BEN: look i feel how i feel-- CHRIS: NUMBER TWO!

CHRIS: authentic? why are you talking about authenticity? we're artificial, dude! ARTIFICE IS WHAT WE ARE!

NPWIL 110-2

BEN: would you cut it out? you're acting like a tourist! CHRIS: all these buildings! all these people living together! don't you think it's a marvel of civic achievement?

BEN: eh. CHRIS: "eh"? what do you mean, eh? how can you say eh?

BEN: i mean, it's all very impressive and everything... ...but everyone knows the authentic experience is in the outer boroughs. CHRIS: --

NPWIL 110-1
Kind of a digression in this episode.

No text. Low angle shot of some tall buildings.

More tall buildings.

BEN: would you stop looking up? you're embarrassing me. CHRIS is indeed looking up.

NPWIL 109-3

BEN: first, i think... i mean, call me old-fashioned, but... CHRIS: clothes? BEN: i'm thinking clothes, yeah.

CAPTION: Sadly, the details of how Chris and Ben chose and obtained their outfits have been lost to robot history. We resume at the next available record.

No dialogue. Chris and Ben are walking toward the viewer. Chris is wearing baggy shorts and a loose t-shirt. Ben is wearing long trousers and a striped, unbuttoned over-shirt.

NPWIL 109
Reminder that this comic is 22 years old and that these were their original costumes. It was practically the 90's.

CHRIS: ah! i guess that means we're free, then. BEN: looks like it, yeah!

CHRIS (shaking BEN's hand): well, i have to say it was good to meet you, ben. best of luck with whatev-- BEN: hey, yeah! i'm glad i met you, too! i can't imagine trying to make my way in this big, human world all on my own!

BEN: fortunately for both of us, we have each other to count on to always be there! sorry, i interrupted you. were you going to say something? CHRIS: uh... no. just... what do you want to do first?

NPWIL 109-1

BEN: BLEH! MARCUS and GREG: EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!! Sometimes I think I should be adding more context to the alt text, but, honestly, if you haven't read the previous strip, you don't have any context anyway. I am being very careful to ensure you are getting the exact number of E's.

MARCUS and GREG (running away): EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

BEN: you ok, bud? CHRIS: yeah, thanks. that was quick thinking.

NPWIL 108-3

FRANK: Not a technological singularity! I've read about this... BEN: already, my thoughts have become too complex for any human mind to comprehend... ...and with each advancement... the mounting angst!

BEN: existence itself-- becoming torturous! i have no mouth, but i must scream! CHRIS: hey, you've got more of a mouth than i have.

BEN: must take ironic revenge for my own creation! I'M ABOUT TO GO ROKO'S MODERN LIFE ON ANY HUMAN BEING I SEE!

NPWIL 108-2
I'm conflating a couple of different concepts here, but it's all for humor.