Mike Ford

They don't get to pretend it's the Democrats' fault when the President of the United States just went all the way to the Supreme Court to keep food away from hungry children.

#SNAP

Wordle 1,603 3/6

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The closest I've gotten to homicide is holding cookies under the milk until the bubbles stopped.

Y'all ever notice how the automatic flush sensors in public restrooms kinda look like hidden cameras?

Saw a help wanted ad in my local newspaper. ACCOUNTANT NEEDED! $35,000 - $40,000 So I called them up and said, "The answer is -$5,000."

I don't need a certain number of friends, just a number of friends I can be certain of.

Connections
Puzzle #881
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Wordle 1,602 3/6

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It's annoying when you think of a really great idea or something to do and within the next few minutes, you completely forget what it was, but the memory of how awesome it was still lingers.

All I'm saying is, if my rich neighbor realized just how awesome of a party he is going to have at his house tonight, he wouldn't leave for vacation.

I love how Twix come with two separate bars. I can eat one now and the other immediately after.

Not saying that the typical walmart shoppers have bad teeth. But when this person in line in front of me smiled. The barcode scanner rang up a set of sauce pans.

Connections
Puzzle #880
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Wordle 1,601 3/6

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I just walked by an old man who kept saying, “One, three, five, seven, nine… one, three, five, seven, nine…” I thought, “How odd.”

The best dates end with "I can't believe we did that"

The only technique I've mastered from watching cooking shows is screaming and insulting at myself in the kitchen.

I miss elementary school days where I would have a doctor's appointment and come back to school like a boss with McDonald's.

Career goal: Being successful enough to add bacon to my burger without asking how much more it costs.

Connections
Puzzle #879
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Wordle 1,600 4/6

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Want people to leave you alone? Tuck in your sweater.

Thanksgiving is drawing near and your guest list is complete...

It's almost time to booby trap the medicine cabinet with marbles.

When the internet goes out, I like to sit down and do some writing. ...Usually a check to my internet provider.

Out of all the gruesome noises coming from the bathroom stall next to me, the camera click was the most troubling.

Connections
Puzzle #878
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I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars teams up to prevent an idiot from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters!

I'm bored. Who wants to walk through Sea World with a fishing pole with me?

I'm organizing a flash mob at my place, Saturday 11am. Please bring trash bags, leaf blowers, and lawnmowers.