TeaRoseKent

My scripts don't suck. How's that for a pitch?

You should be on book podcasts. There're a million of them around. Three books? In one sale? Great discussion about that alone. Go.

I sold three novels this week: " Let No Man Be My Albatross," "A Convoluted Defense" and "FATA! The Act of the Avengeance"

You would. You do. Always.

I feel the same way about that movie. As for the book, I always read hard covers. That one was from the library. I happened to see it on display and had already read the glowing reviews. So, I grabbed it, then went to a short story discussion (which sucked). Bad day at the library. At least that day

Dear Hollywood: Too many great scripts out there to bother making sequels and remakes. Take your pick: originals or adaptations. Choose your genre. I'll hook you up. #screenwriting

Transport me with story, and you'll transport me for real.

I never trust a purely bad review. Or one that offers over-the-top praise. Balance is the key. But I did learn a lesson from this "bestseller" reading experience: Never underestimate the power of promotion.

Lavish gifts could help, too.

Own the day. Or maybe tomorrow. Either one.

I picked up a bestseller. It was proclaimed "unputdownable." I beg to differ. It was throwable across the roomable. I'll pick it up again if I ever yearn to read unending rants of a GenXer's jealousy of her best friend's money and fame as an author. (Huh?)

And that was the first chapter, my last.

I watched Seinfeld's "Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee," where Jerry chats with famous comics one at a time. The most surprising comments were from Eddie Murphy, Alec Baldwin and Seinfeld himself. Each said they were loners in high school and had no friends. Introverts? Really?

I am humbled by the hearts you give me. But do they come in chocolate?

In that case, I have no doubt your handwriting is a work of art.

I think we'd need to find a pen museum for it, but thanks for the offer.

Quick! Who's got ink? Some guy with a line drawing fetish is stalking me and I need a disguise -- fast!

And we're all better for that.

Yes! You are correct, sir.

On the beach.

Yes, you are correct. Bravo!

Speaking of bots... Here's my favorite. Name the actor. Bonus points for the movie title. Extra points for where he built his house.

Writers: Be careful about what you post. In the future, some nosey bastard will review them all and write a scathing book about you.

Or worse, it could be a snooze.

Have I been shunned? Or are we playing hide-'n-seek?

When is Sarcasm Day? Did I miss it?

Ah, yes. A sport it truly is. Excellent take.

On my next trip to Canada, what can I do, say or wear so they don't suspect I'm from the US and don't boo me?

"Be that as it may." I like this phrase. It's fanciful, it's antiquated. And not one you often hear anymore. I'm waiting for the right moment to utter it myself. Maybe then I'll know what "that" is. But can "that" truly take the place of "it?" Why not say: "Be that as that may be."

Thanks to everyone who came out to see me & @jerryseinfeld in Toronto, Ottawa & Montreal. This weekend Jerry & I head to Omaha & Kansas City. Tix at jimgaffigan.com Special thanks to our Toronto special guest @tompapa

Thanks. I needed that. 🤣 👏👍

I think the world is overdue for a few good laughs. Comedy writers, pump it out. Duty calls.

Quiet, please. I'm thinking. This is my thinking hat.