You sound tired. I hope you get some rest, the kind of rest where you can forgive yourself for having unmet needs. It's an achievement to get as far as you have with the shit life put in your way. Home is safety, and if you don't feel emotionally or mentally safe... then no wonder you're stressed.
Stay in control Sammy! You can do it!!
"things I seek out in other people" = what I mean is, the positive reactions in other people. Appreciation from other people. Things like that.
Sounds like you're on high alert, wanting others around you to be happy. Which sounds like a noble goal, but can easily come at the expense of your own well-being. Sometimes the things I seek out in other people are the things I want most. I hope you can learn to understand and love all of yourself.
Of course you're tired. You are down to the wire and carrying a weight that is unbelievably heavy right now. I am so sorry this is happening, it's not fair man.
Celebrating when you don't quite feel like celebrating is indeed kind of a weird feeling. Hang in there fella
The rare and elusive but much appreciated Lern Pone! Two of them! And one of them Fluttershy!! 👀‼️
It may indeed help! You won't know until you try. If it effects you negatively then you'll know it's not the right one for you. Mental health medication can be a lot of trial and error.
Surely this fella has gotten bigger in the years since then... 👀
Or not, that's not everyone's thing lol
Love the facial expressions here lmao
What first got you interested in art? What are your inspirations? If you already had all the money or fame or success you could ever want, what would you want to draw?
Sounds like you've been through some pain already, and this voice in your head is trying to protect you from more pain. It's understandable. And when trying to understand why you're not where you want to be, you're turning anger inward, to yourself.
I don't think you deserve that. You have value.
Of course you'd be feeling exhausted with all that you've been dealing with. Anyone constantly fighting uphill would understandably feel drained or hopeless.
You have something to add to the world that no one else can. I hope you get to a place where sharing it is easier.
At first my brain was taught that I was alone, that no one cares. No wonder it wanted to end things. But I was wrong, and I could learn new ways of thinking, of self-love. It takes time and effort but it’s worth it. If you die then there's a 100% chance you'll never get to see yourself get better.
I've been in a place where it felt like there was no way out, and that I had no more to gain out of life. Truth is, life is hard. Rejection sucks. Humans are social creatures. We want acceptance. And it hurts when we don't get that.
bowser growth test animation using many interpolated frames from @croconutmx.bsky.social's color edits! 💪 #furryart #male #NSFW
Oooo the elusive, infamous Lern Back! Nicely done, good and beefy ^^👍
Perhaps instead of defining success as "having the same output and quality as the artists I admire", perhaps define success as "today I expressed my creativity, and practiced my craft"? Or "today I took care of myself"? These are things that can put you on the path to your original goals anyway.
Humans are social and have social needs. It's okay to engage and reach out and connect with people. It's also okay to focus on yourself. Your best chance at achieving your goals is a healed you, a more self assured you. Which takes time, and is not easy.
It's okay if you're not the clearest explainer. You're trying to work through something and writing down your thoughts is one way to try and make sense of a big nebulous "something in my mind doesn't feel right" sensation. No need to apologize
With how much you're dealing with, of course you're feeling overwhelmed, like there's no way out, like you're not getting anywhere no matter how much work you put in.
I think given the choice between going and not going to therapy, I think going can’t hurt. There's a chance it will help.
I know it’s hard to see a way out in the state you’re in. I’ve felt that before. But I hope you stick around. I’ve been a fan of the moments of my life where I had a realization, or a piece of advice really resonated, and it helps. I hope you can get some of those moments soon.
“Rewarding” means the end result is worth all the toil. Whether or not it’s worth the toil is up to you. But it is toil, and if you’re not feeling great in life otherwise, that can make the toil worse.
I don’t care how long it took that particular artist to finish it. The learning took a long time, I guarantee it.
Drawing is like most things - it’s not fun, but it’s rewarding, to some people. “Rewarding” doesn’t mean that every moment of drawing is pleasurable. It’s not.
Another thing to keep in mind is that in your artist feeds, you are noticing the top echelon of artists and probably wondering why you’re not as good as them. It is so easy to see a finished picture and not think about the hours and hours and hours that went into LEARNING how to draw that well.
Nor does their value increase with the number of friends they have. They have value because they exist. You have value because you exist.
But value is different from love and admiration, believe it or not.
You can have value if you’re not an artist at all. Keep in mind that many people are not artists. They don’t have value because of some capitalistic idea of “what they have to contribute to society gives them value."
Value doesn’t come from work output, how many drawings you finish in a month or how many people click the heart icon. It certainly feels that way, but it doesn’t. I think we’re led to believe it has value because we value the popular artists. We want the admiration, the love we have for them.
Negative feelings suck, but I think it helps to make space for them when we feel them. To allow yourself to feel the feeling. Though, negative feelings can overstay their welcome, for sure, but action can help with that. I digress. Anyway: You have value.
Regardless, your inner voice doesn’t seem nice, and might be hindering your progress.
I hope you can cultivate a more loving, caring inner voice one day. One that says something, “No wonder you’re feeling this way, especially after ___ happened.”
