Myrna Tellingheusen

Excited for stretch pants season!

Do you remember normal weekends?

Let’s pray for Dolly.

Wood? I prefer Formica.

Just sitting around waiting for everything l own to come back in style.

We should fly the flag at half mast for Jane.

Never trust a book blurb.

THE CASHIER BROKE MY PUMPKIN STEM

Until things change, all of my jello molds will be jade green.

If you say “Friyay” l will u-turn out of the room.

I need to beef up my Grudge Rolodex.

l WILL NOT BE OUT-AUTUMNALLED.

Please be quiet. I am burping my Tupperware.

I’m going to drink enough Lipton until l no longer care.

Nothing is more exhausting than being cheerful.

My slacks are stretchier than your slacks.

Why go people watching when instead you can go people judging?

The streets are empty because everyone is recording a podcast.

Sorry l haven’t been around, but have you ever tried to take off compression socks?

Where have all the frontal lobes gone?

Joan utters platitudes directly from Home Goods pillows.

Watching the news.

It must be National Grudge Rolodex Day.

It’s exhausting watching local anchors deliver the news standing up. I don’t need to see their slacks and uncomfortable shoes.

That man has the heart of a radioactive Walmart shrimp.

There’s nothing more comforting than color coordinated Pyrex lids.

I’m at the age where l can’t tell if it’s a mosquito or an eye floater.

The news has never been more captivating.

Hoover#
Tidy#

There is no reason on earth to announce your colonoscopy plans.

Today at the church coffee Doris spelled a bad word with the Splenda packets.