Linda Tirado

DOO DOO DOO DO.

NOT PACLIACCI

Get you a writer

I feel awful for the kid, but you read the reports on the incident and it really was a man saying this to the laws of physics.

I'm sorry a what chain of unhinged fervor

You guys I have like ten minutes until this person gets here and I cannot improve on the puns, I'm asking for a dual help, let's go

HELP

GOOSE

You have my explicit permission for branding should you ever put potato chips and/or corn chips into r&d

Done and dusted

You fuckers are amazing

Y'all.

We are so close. Someone send me fifty and I can put this on my card.

Love you.

Idk about either, I'm a disabled journalist

But I'll live fucking well for however long

Three hours until the appointment and we're just under $200 short

Let's go, mutual aid people

Some people have noted that I once read Hillbilly Elegy

That was when some prick had written a bad memoir. Now he's the vice president

That prick wrote a bad memoir and he ain't from the goddamned holler and I don't care where he spent his summers until he was twelve

Fuck JD Vance, he's miniscule

I love that you felt the need to tell me Catherine never fucked a horse

Wait what were they called

I cannot explain to you how hard I want to punch something and also how utterly sad it is

It's like watching Eric talk about how he's a good boy but like add murdering the entire concept of language, generally.

I would rather read as many pages of ivanka's ghostwriters and take them seriously

The amount of ways we need to come through on this tonight is myriad

Appreciated, on a nice lady's behalf

I thought about nothingness. Was it Kafkaesque or was it mere pretension?

I came to you with no pretense, said Billy joel.

I thought about Storm Front and whether I had ever visited a sea in which I could find a ship called the Downeaster Alexa.

Then I thought about AI and whether it had hurt me.

I choose to believe this is the most epic callback at an ex in history because otherwise I have to accept two of them exist

NO. WHAT.

IS IT AN STD.

Okay I went away and wrote, attn editors:

It is 1704 on a Tuesday and 4782 children have died of Sarah McLaughlin commercials

I think about the dehydration of the children forced to pose with the sad puppies

I look at the sink and consider whether running water makes me feel bad.

Awards, please.

Dear Lord no I didn't

Wait no I'm not done

She uses capitalization with the same recklessness that trump does

We Know who the Politician is, that is not a Fig Leaf.

Okay now I'm done

I don't think this is a good use of compute, no, but I guess if it heats some houses?

Anyway I'm going back to writing and committing hypothetical felonies in the great state of Texas

Stay safe out there on these streets, the streets made of asphalt which was made in a mixer which may or may not be a metaphor depending on how many of your own farts you've been huffing, AMERICA!!!

She didn't even get laid!

One thing I'll hand nuzzi on this

We needed this, folks. Stupidest authoritarian takeover since horses in the Senate but damn if the woman didn't show up saying fuck these torpedoes offering herself as the sacrifice to the Internet gods

Complaining about overexposure the whole time, it's beautiful

The thing about it is I didn't even care about the ethics of it, who besides people who dream of writing for Harper's thought Nuzzi knew anything about the electorate? Fine, so she proved she's got shit taste in men and is more than a bit naive, sad insider face.

It's the prose I cannot forgive.

It was the best of Politicians, it was the worst of Politicians