just Dave

[waving to get the attention of active military member patrolling the grocery store] can you please shoot this coffee it’s too expensive

“was funny, now crazy” is a very common pipeline for comedians of that era and I am very confident they’d all be nightmares at this point

extremely nightmare blunt rotation cast

weeping italianly

lol those stickers are maaaybe acceptable on some older original Teslas, but they for sure carry zero weight on cybertrucks. these trucks weren’t even available until a year AFTER he bought Twitter!

history has definitely decided Tame Impala is “the band that did Currents”, but this has never been my view

Lonerism

he clearly already has a masters in getting the bag

the shutdown has affected the national Do Not Call registry 😭

oh sorry I didn’t know the table I connected to changed its name to q2_targets_final_v2__not_this_one I guess that’s on me

but what will they do for work after if they can’t lobby for USPS

you’re telling me spending millions on ads that said “zohran did 9/11 to you and he’s going to do 9/11 to you again” weren’t enough to win?

my sentiment as a consumer is abysmal but my sentiment as a Political Gala Observer has never been higher

shit man I just moved all my finances from X to Jeremy Renner Official, *now* where will I do my banking

me to my fridge: final chance big guy, please engage in some deep self reflection or I’m afraid we can no longer be friends

Trump looks like Lenny after he petted the bunny rabbit too hard.

great day for the legal theory of "not guilty if it's funny enough"

we can’t just give in to all these ‘wich hunts

🚨🚨🚨 The jury has reached a verdict. Sean Dunn, aka the DC Sandwich Guy, has been found NOT GUILTY of assault.

The beaver moon rises over Minneapolis as seen from Bde Maka Ska on Wednesday. November's supermoon is the closest moon to Earth since 2019. 📸 Kerem Yücel | MPR News.

September 11, 2001 (9/11) - Single by The Experience on Apple Music Album · 2025 · 1 Song

Oh my GOD. The song that Rudy Giuliani used in his anti-Zohran post is fucking AI-generated.

It's a song called "September 11, 2001" and it's from some AI slop factory called The Experience. You need to hear how bad this song is.

music.apple.com/cz/album/sep...

you’re a day early tomorrow is the sandwich alarm

“do you recognize that sandwich” and he does a quick whimper and averts his eyes

just loose in the dirt when nobody’s around to see

if any woman said they love me they’d almost assuredly be a handler sent to monitor my every move and quash my antifasc momentum

not the most pressing issue rn among all these larger existential issues we’re dealing with, but I do continue to get dozens of spam calls/texts/emails every day and it’s making me feel absolutely crazy

I know the guy in this trial he has never eaten or even held a sandwich in his life, he’s a raw food vegan

Cheryl Hines should have taken her husband's name and become Cheryl Hines Junior