Crab Creatures

Both feet amputated and reattached backwards.

@panootsart.bsky.social Yobi has illegally entered my home every night this week. He keeps leaving me spelling puzzles and he scares the shit out of my dog.

He gets Sprite. If he can’t survive on Sprite, he’ll join the others in the pit.

This is my new exotic Pitbull. I believe he is a 2 X Pimpy and 3 X Bape mix. He ate a big bag of onions so he has a tummy ache.

A big thank you to the Make A Wish Foundation. Pigler used his wish to make David Attenborough watch as he threw a bunch of plastic bags in the ocean. Pigler isn’t even dying, he’s just a stupid pig.

Good call. He was going to give you a kidney stone

Boon: Can control seagulls :)

Boon: cool new skateboard :)

I have trapped the essence of this large British man in an orb of sorts. Repeat the words “oh large British man, grant me your boon”, and you might receive his blessing. But beware, for he is fickle, and may bestow a curse.

He might have one. Unfortunately, as a creature of sorts, I cannot read nor write. I am unable to help you.

The vile wizard turned me in to a creature of sorts. As grim as it might appear, I so enjoy retracting into my flesh shell. Feeling positive!

No one knows how to have fun quite like Stephon. He has incurred significant liver damage due to years of substance abuse and his quality of life is irreparably diminished. Keep it up, Stephon!

I am giving away my Persian Hooded Corpse Worm. He needs to eat three bags of premium mulch every day and I just can’t afford it anymore. Please help him find a good home.

Today is Sophie’s birthday. We invited all her friends and grilled hamburgers but no one turned up. Even her favourite cigarettes can’t cheer her up.

Miguel, I’m sorry I hit you in the head with that hammer. I don’t know why I did it. I really care about you. Please come home.

Took Wesley to the pond today. The little scamp was so excited, he threw up twice.

Biggly smashed all the stray cats in the alley, causing the rat population to grow uncontrollably. So begins our joint business venture as rat milkers.

Brian kept saying “I am walking over here” in an unacceptable Italian-American accent, so I cast the fungus spell on him. The fungus spell is quickly becoming one of my top 5 spells.

Sticky lost my rarest, most valuable toad, the elusive Rhodesian Blue Foot.

Naturally, he will be spending the next 13 months in The Circle of Torment. If you are interested in becoming my new Toad Keeper, please submit your toad portfolio below.

Hercules Beetle Grub/Larvae - free download

Credit to Najash on Sketchfab for the beautiful grub model base 🖤
sketchfab.com/3d-models/he...

Annabelle more than doubled her milk quota. In order to prevent wastage, each of my followers may take one large sip from the communal milk through. You cannot refuse the sip.

Visited g-paw at the old folks home. He says the staff aren’t feeding him. Maybe if he didn’t tell so many lies, he would be in this facility in the first place. Disgusting old coot.

I caught Hogly doing what the youths describe as the “Fent Lean”. I don’t know what that means but I hit him with a stick anyway. I am sick of these children and their new trends.

I must have whipped about 9 of these things to death with my belt just this morning. They weren’t bothering me but they are probably evil because I currently do not feel any remorse.

Today we celebrate Ashley’s Quinceanera. Celebrate immediately. Quickly.

Blasted creature sprayed me with the poison ink. Vile little squid. Rancid little sea slug. Naturally, I am very upset

Dillon has finally started to shed his mortal shell. As per tradition, his skin will be consumed by his younger siblings so that they, too, might grow strong and sprout ☺️.

Im doing alright! Still struggling bit but I should at least have some proper information and treatment before the end of the month ☺️

Paul is becoming more silly each day. Yesterday he pulled out of our driveway in his Ford Taurus and didn’t even realise he had reversed over my infant son.

🚨 Hog post. Hog post. 🚨