Midsomer Murders plots

A local computer programmer is found dead after drinking hemlock-laced mead. Suspicion falls on Whitcombe Mallet’s Mebyon Kernow members, obsessed that BBC casting directors might threaten to expose the entire Universe as just a giant trick of the light.

An underappreciated archivist is found sliced up with secateurs following a garden wall disagreement. Suspicion falls on Little Ox Eye’s middle-aged philosopher, deeply concerned that a supermarket stockpiler might threaten supplies of toilet paper.

A local unpopular businessman is found drowned in a vat of custard. Suspicion falls on Ferne Basset’s tea leaf reader, disturbed that meddling ornithologists might threaten to awaken the giant baby that came before good and evil, being and non-being.

We'll never tell...

An unhygienic soap maker is found drowned in Causton’s public toilets. Suspicion falls on Little Begging’s church community, deeply concerned that a rogue peacock might threaten too many broken hearts in the world.

Only if the lawyers allow it...

A local archaeologist is found with intestines smeared over the local stone circle. Suspicion falls on Midsomer Cicely’s ghost hunters society, frightened that a vicar’s choir banquet might threaten to reveal that Midsomer is not actually a real place.

A retired computer game pundit is found brutally assaulted by a lab monkey deliberately let loose. Suspicion falls on Midsomer Florey’s scout troop, disturbed that a decline in tourism might threaten Donald Trump Jr's sponsorship of Craig Revell-Horwood's rescue dog.

A phrenologist with craniosynostosis is found dead and covered with blue paint during a gender reveal party. Suspicion falls on Nomansland’s Floral Society, angry that a planned biography of a deceased local identity might threaten to make all the clocks in the city begin to whirr and chime.

A local uncompromising environmentalist is found dropped from an aeroplane. Suspicion falls on Malham Cross’ immigrant, deeply concerned that a new housing estate might threaten the weightlifting regime of local ministers.

The local tour guide is found as an exquisitely scented candle made from human tallow. Suspicion falls on Acock Green’s visiting East London gangster, confused that the village's new bell-ringing team might threaten the closure of the pork futures warehouse.

A visiting Toby Jug provenance evaluator is found dead following experimental eye surgery. Suspicion falls on Midsomer-in-the-Marsh’s ice cream van driver, angry that the town’s surplus steak and kidney puddings might threaten the merengue marathon.

A lockdown protestor is found crushed under an unreasonably large pile of books. Suspicion falls on Wetwang’s Hell’s Angels chapter, worried that researchers who don’t understand how much this all means to the village might threaten 16 more murders.

A former Prime Minister is found overpowered with a tin of shortbread rounds. Suspicion falls on Badger’s Drift’s church warden and magician, upset that the closure of the local cake shop might threaten the lighthouse collage exhibition.

A secretarial student is found bluer than a blue screen of death. Suspicion falls on Midsomer Tor’s cult leader, confused that type-casting in otherwise stellar TV careers might threaten orderly queueing.

An Ethereum cat fancier is found in a pit filled with concrete, with a tin box resting on the top. Suspicion falls on Midsomer Cicely’s madrigal enthusiasts, disturbed that a high turnover of diving judging board members might threaten a complete meltdown of the comments section.

An overworked psychologist is found virtually deceased in a pair of oculus rift goggles. Suspicion falls on Kingswood Country’s Pigeon Fancier Club, confused that midnight rituals might threaten to destroy the boarding school’s secret society.

A mesmerising misanthrope is found dead on Somerton beach. Suspicion falls on Hyannisports’ church community, upset that the ghost walk might threaten the cow farm.

A lockdown protestor is found drowned in a TV monitor filled with red wine. Suspicion falls on Midsomer Priors’ Polish folk music society, deeply concerned that crows stealing and moving balls on the 15th hole might threaten badgers.

The algorithm is trying to tell us something...

A local barber (who’s a cut above the rest) is found on a spike in the middle of Causton. Suspicion falls on Burnt Knoll’s gourami appreciation society, upset that a Brexit recount might threaten to reveal that up to 20% of art in British museums is fake.

It's why they're always shushing... crushing migraine from a massive hangover.

A cynophobic postman is found killed by a bomb planted in the greenhouse. Suspicion falls on Midsomer Vinae’s treasurer of the submarine club, confused that petty threats might threaten the upcoming librarian wine drinking festival.

A sad Joy Division fan is found waterboarded to death. Suspicion falls on Midsomer Abbas’ tapestry weaver, frightened that a growing number of people who can read and think clearly might threaten reruns of Are You Being Served.

A local bagpiper is found painted over by a cricket pitch line painting machine. Suspicion falls on Minge Lane’s society of Venus watchers, deeply concerned that the discovery of a valuable musical manuscript sold cheaply at an auction might threaten the coldest winter Midsomer’s ever seen.

Evil generally defies logic.

A local mayor is found with the eyeballs pecked out by a glossy ibis. Suspicion falls on Ford Florey’s Japanese translation class, angry that a ban on cheese toasties might threaten the local manor.

A young entrepreneur with unfathomable insight is found as the life of the party despite being dead several days. Suspicion falls on Bishopwood’s pencil sharpening society, confused that the imminent increase in postage rates might threaten the local co-op.

A local astronomer is found unexpectedly, in a coffin-shaped bath. Suspicion falls on Badger’s Drift’s Communist Party chapter, deeply concerned that fake news might threaten supplies of Cornish pasties.

A Caroline Graham fan is found as human bones for sale on Amazon.com. Suspicion falls on Monks Barton’s florist, frightened that new beekeeping methods might threaten the appointment of a US-style 'Special Counsel' to investigate Barnaby's shortcomings.