f*male b*tch 🇵🇸

co-pilot - the choice of many businesses in my industry because it doesn't share IPA

I don't think these are in order but whatever

we are fucked

god I love fb memories

obsessed with dogs forever to the point where i used ro make paper maché versions. what a fucking nerd

dad: "I worry you'll take on the wrong person and get hurt"

ok dad but remember when Greg hit me in the face and I dragged him downstairs by his hair and spat in his eye and threw firewood at him until he cried and ran off then slunk back to use the phone to get his mum to pick him up

oh no i accidentally told my dad about how I'm not scared of bad men and he's all concerned. dad did you miss the bit where I described beating the shit out of lots of them and failing to inherit any kind of fear gene

ouch. that's pretty hard out eh

I will never get over it and I think about it every day

I promise that this is not about family members but why is half the men's personalities just doing a loud grunt during the cricket and no vacuuming

that's so sad. I had an uncle who had a lovely dog, but then a traumatic brain injury from a motorbike accident. he changed overnight from a kind dude into a hateful dog-beater and he eventually beat her to death in front of my aunty and cousins and he had no idea that he'd done anything wrong

people judge me because my dog has a problem with men. never met a dog who had a problem with women though

he's something alright! my dog just did a heinous fart and it reminded me of him and we haven't even met

I don't know why I bother but at least it's funny how low the bar is

at this point the bar is in hell and already shipwrecked the Orpheus and I'm just strolling past it going oh ok holy shit

URGH MY NAME MIKE

"hi" WOW MARRY ME THIS VERY MOMENT

you can get fucked too mike. having pretty bright green eyes is only gonna get you so far

I respect you. can't remember the last time I said that

thank you! you're probably very wrong but I forgive you!!!

I was like sorry HOW old are you? where are you gonna take me? to your mum's house so she and I can be best friends? you're very handsome and charismatic but this would feel so illegal. I don't know anything about Roblox

I made a decision to deliberately walk the dog slower on fine evenings and enjoy the shifting light and comfortable temperatures and just when I was reflecting about how physically relaxed I feel at the moment a 20yo dude bounced a basketball across the road to ask me on a date lol

ABSOLUTELY NOT

that's her name. am I supposed to LIE?!

I think I wish I would care more but I simply can't

fuck off troy

let people live. we have an obesity epidemic and needing some help to survive it is not a moral failing. people are saving and saving and saving so why can't they use that money to keep on existing in this wonderful world?