🏳️‍⚧️ Unknown Emtity 🏳️‍🌈

Quote of the Day: "I don't make the rules; my anxiety does!"

Makoto is so relatable sometimes, ngl.

a cartoon character in a yellow jacket is sitting in a yellow car Alt: An anime character with short blonde hair swept to the right side of her face (viewer's left) smiles at the camera. They are drawn in a traditional shoujo (girl) style, with a narrow face, neck, and build. Their eyes are tall and have distinct lashes, while their eyebrows are thin. Their skin is pale peach and yellowed by the lighting. They're wearing a mustard yellow/tan suit in sunset lighting, with a black blouse underneath. They're driving a yellow convertible - only the upper left corner of the wind shield and the trim along where the windows would be is visible. The trim around the windshield and car seat are black, and a small gray metal clip is in the upper left corner of the windshield trim. The character has their right arm draped over the seat behind them, and their left arm extended to a wheel off-screen. The vehicle is facing the viewer's right, stark shadows are cast to the viewer's left to emphasize depth. In the background, the sky is violet above faded buildings cast in an ombre of indigo at the top, purple and lavender in the middle, and a pale pink at the bottom. The character starts with their head cocked to the left (viewer's right), then winks as they tilt their head to the right. The character's sex is intentionally ambiguous, as they are a gender presentation non-conforming member of the outer Sailor Scouts - Sailor Uranus. Their name is Haruka Tenoh, and they date Sailor Neptune, though the US adaptation erroneously labeled them as cousins at initial release. The character is confirmed to be female due to requirements for the role of Sailor Scout, but is noted as having the strengths of both genders, and intentionally presents as ambiguous. Sailor Neptune is also female, and later the Sailor Starlights are introduced; a trio of Sailor Scouts who disguise themselves as men while on Earth, and who express attraction to Usagi - Sailor Moon. In the anime they physically transform, but that was against Naoko Takeuchi- the manga-ka -'s wishes.

Uranus - because Haruka Tenoh.

That's all for now, but likely not the last you'll hear of me waxing philosophic about the beauty of the (poorly, but also amazingly designed) human body.

A totally unrelated aside: Being Demi and on T can be something of a nightmare. IYKYK. 😭

A talk for another time, under a different warning.

That's a conversation for another time, though.

I am tired, but want to actually do something creative beyond talking to the void and enjoying it when the voices therein talk back (the void is the internet and you are the voices - thank you for keeping me company, kind voices). /lh

Wild how lack of exposure to the non-optimal brain chemistry we have naturally for a bit can completely resensitize us to noticing just how impactful those things are in the day-to-day.

How did I get A's and B's in High School while undiagnosed and uneducated? It's beyond me.

Also, when the tachycardia med wears off at the same time and the tremors and anxiety come back? Yeah, it's like a very un-fun time getting stoned.

If my appetite suppressants wore off, or I took a stimulant, and the pain meds became more effective, then we may as well have sativa.

CW: Mention of Substances

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For the record, I am sober af when I type these things up, even if it doesn't always sound it.

Though, let's be honest, when your fatigue and ADHD meds wear off at the same time, you may as well be taking a trip with the brain fog and exhaustion.

First, I need to move past being awestruck and into actually depicting them.

But have you SEEN them?

I should also do this for masc folks. Bodies are beautiful, and our connection to the world around us is amazing. That deserves love and attention, especially in the hardest moments.

Which is wild from a gender perspective, because I definitively do not feel fem gender-wise. That may be a little fluid, but not so much that I doubt being an alternate gender.

Nonetheless. Much like O'Keefe and her orchids, I wish to depict the beauty of femininity - in all its expressions.

I just don't know how anyone gets anything done when there's beauty all around us, asking to be admired and adored. It is unfathomable to me.

Granted, this percentage of the distraction is relatively small in comparison to the others, but still...

Admiration, desire, envy? All, probably.

This isn't inherently sexual, either. I am demi af, even if that's more flexible with fem folks.

I just really appreciate women, fem individuals, and those who relate to the fem experience.

It's like a squish, but with the potential to be more if a connection existed.

Most of the time my distractions from art and writing come in the form of other obligations, physical health, and mental health.

The remainder of the time, it's because women exist.

It's just difficult to focus on making art when they're already standing in front of you.

Hitch is awesome and he always makes me smile.

Also - why does it keep inching toward 1k? I'm not DOING anything. 😅 The heck is happening here?

You're not allowed to make me actually commit to the goals I've set for myself with arbitrary challenges and guidelines that you don't even know exist.

RUDE. /lh /jk

And sometimes - just maybe - you'll get some art. As an treat.

Other times you'll get the inane ramblings of a ????????????? just trying to make it through life, after having lived way past the time I thought I would.

I'm happy I get to share this space with you. 💙

Either way - thanks for hanging out with us. Your presence is felt, whether you're just vibing, ignoring, or not.

Don't try to put me in a box; I stopped trying to do so a looooong time ago (this is a lie; I still try sometimes). But, y'know, you're welcome on this crazy ride with me.

Idk. Everything online seems so curated and intentional (except for when it's just a massive clusterfuck of political shouting, tbh), and I think it's important that we allow others - and ourselves - to be nuanced and complex. We aren't caricatures, we're people. Let's get messy and real and LIVE.

Y'know - I'm not sure what most of you are sticking around for, and I am grateful for your company all the same.

Forewarning - if you think I'm a little all over the place/chaotic rn, hold on to your horses, 'cause I suspect I'll really let loose at some point (CW used, of course).

Of course; I know it isn't much, but I figure it's at least better than nothing.

Buffalo can get really nasty snow-wise, so no matter what she'll want to make sure she's out of the elements. In theory, it should be warming up this week (checked the forecast for Buffalo), but it's also NY, so...

Libraries look to be open from 12PM-5PM, too, so that's an option for a few hours during the day, plus librarians usually know the ins and outs of town.

NAMI is geared toward mental illness, but they may also be able to point her in a safe direction for resources.

Alright - partner's family is a no-go, sadly.

Put out the word in the GVGV group, as well, so hopefully the news will spread to the right people faster.

It looks like there might be some 24/7 groceries/restaurants, too, that could at least provide temporary respite from the cold.

Homeless Shelter in Buffalo, NY | Little Portion Friary The Mission of Little Portion Friary is to journey with the homeless, providing temporary shelter, meals, and counseling during their struggle to acquire permanent housing and jobs.

Ack: www.littleportionfriary.com <- Shelter

www.google.com/search?q=Buf... This shelter also looks like it has fairly positive reviews - though it might be worth calling to confirm the rules and anything regarding trans folks specifically.

They don't open until 9AM Monday, but it might be worth checking with the Housing Authority to see if they can get her into some emergency housing: www.bmhahousing.com

It also looks like they have an LGBTQIA+ resource center for adults: www.pridecenterwny.org#:~:text=The%...

Posted to a ROC area LGBT+ group in their mutual-aid channel requesting that the info be disseminated into Buffalo circles. I can try the Genesee Valley Gender Variants as well to at least get the info out to the people who might be able to help.

If we hear anything, we'll update.

Reached out to a friend in Buffalo to see if she could at the very least share this to Buffalo area servers to find her a place to stay.

Asking my partner to check with any Buffalo relatives, though that may be less effective due to WNY being hit or miss re: minorities.

Losing an abuser means losing yourself as you were. It can mean losing yourself even more for a while, if you spiral hard enough. It can mean losing yourself for good. Ideally, it means finding yourself when the dust has settled, a little at a time. Maybe you start to see the beauty in the mirror.

Freedom may not be the word for it - there's so much else that keeps us trapped in the status quo - but empowerment is fitting enough. I still feel the sting of pain at realizing I'm putting myself last again, but I don't beat myself up for it as much anymore. Maybe one day I won't at all.

Yet, it means I can change the words that are spoken, the way they are spoken, what I hear, what I take in, and what I allow from others. I have more power in that acknowledgement than I ever did before, and as terrifying as that is, it's also exhilarating.