AErchivist

In 3.5 years, this is the second time I've properly wanted to give up on content creation. And it fucking sucks. I'm at my breaking point.
It's not about numbers or success. It's shitty people and not feeling respected. It's being alone. It's exhaustion.

I got a pishock, and a viewer helped code software to trigger the collar on specific words... it was a hassle to set up, but works surprisingly well.

And thank you. I don't imagine things are getting better anytime soon, but I'm surprisingly still alive somehow.

A screenshot of a phone note's app. The note reads: "Monday, 7:00 pm EST - VERY TENTATIVE. Might be replaced with a Tuesday stream, might be canceled. Depends on the state of my voice. Wednesday, 7:00 pm EST - Celerity Dust joins me for some yapping, followed by (probably) (maybe) Deltarune. Friday, 7:00 pm EST - Zap zap zap! Shock collar stream, for real this time. Unless things go horribly wrong in the meantime. Saturday, 7:00 pm EST - Art! It's time to finally start rigging Tea's Live2D model."

We're playing things by ear this week. Please excuse my mess.
I took an elbow to the throat in a mosh pit on Saturday and my voice is recovering. Between that and my Ongoing Depressive Episode, I'm going to have to ask for patience. I wanted November to be better, but we fight with what we have.

Goodbye, Warped Tour 2025.
I got to live out a younger me's dreams today, even if at my lowest. The edgy emo kid that eventually became a punk would be proud, I think. Thank you for making that possible.

Someday I'll be on a stage.

On Saturday November 22nd, Seahorse will be doing a live "holographic" Vtuber concert as part of Bonus Stage Ultimate!!!

This is being done in the style of the famous Miku "holographic" live concerts.

Get tickets here: www.indiegogo.com/en/projects/...

Powered by #VNyan

#Vtuber #LiveDJ #VGM

A drawing of a dog about to bite a human arm. Text reads "I am a reactive dog".

I am a reactive dog.

Close up of several Kandi bracelets. One reads "weirdo" but misspelled.

Shoutout to 3 am AE for forgetting how to spell "weirdo"

Photo of an extended arm covered in Kandi bracelets, resting on one knee.

NVM, Warped Tour Day 2, I can't be stopped. Brought some kandi to trade today, catch me in the pit!

Next morning, and it's even worse. Might be forced to stay home and/or seek medical attention.

So, I took an elbow to the neck in a mosh pit. And, uh. Breathing feels wrong and it hurts to speak. Oh no.

I wasn't prepared for trading today, gonna make some tonight for day 2.

I don't normally live-blog events I go to for privacy reasons, but fuck it. I need this. Catch me in the pit.

Photo of an arm covered in Kandi bracelets.

Shoutout to the two folks who asked to trade kandi with me. Shit's bad right now, but this scene really is my everything. Punk has saved my life more times than I can count.

I'm trying really fucking hard.

A photo of the schedule for Warped Tour 2025.

Fuck it, I made it.

I have tickets for Warped Tour tomorrow and I don't even want to go anymore, I just want out of this mess

I can't do this anymore. I'm not okay, and I can't do anything about it. I'm tired and hurt and scared and I'm so fucking sorry.

I'm sorry

A drawing of a dog about to bite a human arm. Text reads "I am a reactive dog".

I am a reactive dog.

Screenshot of a discord message reading: "Hey @everyone , I hate to do this, but I will not be streaming tonight. I've been dropping the ball a lot these past few months, and I apologize for that. I'm sure I am more disappointed in myself than any of you are with me. But I am not okay right now. And I'll be honest, I haven't been this bad for this long since I was actively homeless. I won't get into the specifics - ultimately, this is my weight to carry - but I'm not sure if or when things are going to get better and I'm not currently in a state where I can meaningfully perform. We'll make up for the shock collar event soon. Right now I need to focus on my safety. I'm going to be away from the AErchive over the weekend, I'm just starting my vacation a little early. Please only contact me if it's important. I have a few special plans for next week, expect announcements to drop on Sunday night. I'll be back on Monday. See you then."

I feel slightly more like a person in bulky combat boots.

I'm trying to

I don't know if I can keep doing this

Someone commented on this short saying that "all men want to bully other men" and, uh... I don't think we're talking about the same kind of bullying.
Cool if true, though.

Crawling out of my nest to cook pasta in 3 layers just to brave the cold of the dreaded Hallway

Painfully real

Temperatures here in Florida have officially fallen below 60 F, my hibernation begins, I will only be leaving my nest for streams, food, and other necessities, goodnight

A stream schedule styled after a punk show poster. Monday, 7:00 pm EST, Deltarune Wednesday, 7:00 pm EST, Signalis Friday, 7:00 pm EST, shock collar stream

Stream schedule!
Deltarune, Signalis, maybe even some Hades. Friday is going to be an interesting one... Y'all are finally getting that shock collar stream, folks. Be there and watch me suffer!

Getting kinda tired of explaining to other trans people that I am, in fact, still nonbinary, even if I use some masculine language and presentations