Stephen Graham

It used to be called 'ratting.' When Churchill went back to the Tories after ratting to the Liberals, it was termed 're-ratting.'

I often wonder if Jeffrey Dahmer saw the reference to him being one of the cryogenically frozen inmates in Demolition Man.

And still need ChatGPT to write their script.

We should set up some kind of agency that provides all this. Answers inquiries from concerned parents and wise teachers.

Just shows yet again that AI can't create true art.

They all need an old man in a pub (missing either a finger or part of an ear) to aggressively give some life advice.

He looks like something that was green and spoke in a series of wet clicking noises in the bar on Deep Space 9

You just know he'd shit his spine if you did the 'sudden hair adjustment' move near him.

Using that as a LinkedIn endorsement.

But especially me.

Wow, that's some retro silage, right there.

By 2027 the Guardian will have done over a year's worth of 'That show you like isn't good at all and you're terrible for having even the most fleeting joy in your life' pieces.

A pair of arseholes.

'Now, my love, you've got the trouser press, the set of allen keys and the kiddies' deep fat fryer, as well as £34. Do you want to keep that, or gamble against what's behind Bully's Prize Board?'

I should call her.

Always brings up the memory of the dubbed version of RoboCop: 'Once I even called the Old Man... airhead.'

Forgot to mention, but for some reason Disney+ has put up the TV-friendly version of this, with all the naughty language dubbed. 'Don't fool with the babysitter,' indeed.

Reform fast becoming the party equivalent of David Van Day's Buck's Fizz.

This is like when Russ Abbot joined Last of the Summer Wine.

Defecting to Reform is literally the most embarrassing thing you could do with your Monday.

'Defected to Reform' still sounds like a euphemism for something hideous.

Braverman joining Reform is a bit of a surprise. I didn't realise she was that left wing.

Imagine if they get someone to defect who is actually any good. Could be a gamechanger.

I think at this point the UK has accepted Paddington as the Death Bear, collector of souls. So, I think as a nation we should start smearing marmalade on the eyes of the dead and whisper “fare for the crossing”. It’ll feel weird now but, in three of four generations, no one will question it.

David Gauke sat beside Ruth Davidson

Recently separated couple attends their disappointing kid's parents evening

Lemon curry?

100 years old today, television was born as the first repeat of The Repair Shop was shown.

I'd narrow 'heterosexual' to 'has kissed a lady'

School bullying needs to be brought back as a national priority.

I don't understand what I'm meant to be focusing on in these pictures, where is my male hatred supposed to be directed?

Pathetic little boys attempting to be edgy.