Tom Hanks lost THREE STONE to play Woody in Toy Story
Yes, I'm a comedy anorak. But I'm also a drama ski-jacket
Geddy Lee has aged remarkably well
Before he discovered his confidence, Adam Ant was called Diffy Dent
Tarmac was famously pioneered by John McAdam.
And the Caramac bar was pioneered by his daughter Cara
Darth Vader knew him as Luke Skywalker, but Darth Gaydar called him Luke Bi-walker
The reason I'm so cheeky is that I'm low in bad cholesterol but high in cheeky cholesterol
J-Lo is NOT a qualified geologist. Don’t be fooled by the rocks that she got.
Never understood why Bob Marley got so excited about the START of a badminton game. I'd have written a song called 14-all, not One Love
Remember - you can only call it "Lucozade" if it was made in the Lucozade region of France
Disco Inferno is remarkably upbeat given that it concerns a serious incident in an enclosed space
In the Disciples 11-a-side team, Christ was a pretty tidy utility player who could play most positions. He preferred goalie though, or playing in front of the back three. Jesus saved AND Jesus swept.
I've watched EVERY TV SHOW EVER. Well I've watched The Nine O'Clock News and Not The Nine O'Clock News.
I'm going to design a tiny satnav for daddy longlegs. They really don't have a clue the gangly little idiots
Starsky & Hutch's first names were David & Ken. I don't think I would have tuned in to a show called David & Ken
Just met a molecular biologist. She was surprisingly tall
Just bought a Reform alarm clock. It doesn't have a snooze button. It has a LOSE BUTTON
My daughter was sent home from World Book Day because she’s had her appendix removed
So. It turns out me & my best friend are going to die on the same day. That’s the last time I play snap with Tarot cards
In the Dancing In The Dark video, Bruce Springsteen pulls an unknown girl out of the audience & dances with her on stage. That girl was Anna Karen, who famously went on to play Olive in On The Buses
In case you're wondering what happened to Candi Staton, she lent her name to a cholesterol-reducing sweet for obese American youngsters
If Axl Rose had a farm, he'd probably break down and cry-e-i-e-i-o
If Bonnie Tyler's needing a hero so much she should just call the fire brigade. It's £2000 for a false call-out, but she sounds desperate
ChatGPT has failed you. The joke relies on the song that resonated throughout my childhood:
“Milk, milk, lemonade, round the corner chocolate’s made”
It’s official - Beyoncé’s new album will be called Chocolate. She’s recording it all in a studio round the corner from where she recorded Lemonade
Well, that explains the erratic delivery times.
Opening a new restaurant combining the best of Japanese wine with the best of Scottish hospitality. It's called FUCKSAKE
Just to let you know - I applied to start a religion based entirely on the lyrics to the theme of The Fresh Prince of Bel Air, & the application was SUCCESSFUL
I was the best player in the Proctology Patients XI today. No goals, but I had four ass cysts
Some people like Albert Hammond Jr. Some people like Julian Casablancas. Some people prefer Fabrizio Moretti. Different Strokes for different folks
