Wizard O'Awes ☘️

Wife: You can't spell bananas?
Me: I'm not really into Gwen Stefani.

"Coffee makes me go boom-boom"- The kind of stuff I used to tweet.

I saw a microbiologist today...

They were much bigger than I expected...

you gotta love how news networks still try and drag you along with the weather report like “we’ll be back to you with the weather report in 10min” like you can’t check your phone in two seconds

Pushing in a pull door world

what would you do for a slightly used klondike bar

March 8 on the calendar where it is printed: "International Women's Day" and "daylight saving time begins (clocks forward)

Thank you for having International Women's Day on the shortest day of the year

Believe it or not he’s one of only 2% in this department out of all of Congress.

So many people unfollow me when I say gross sex stuff like they forget this is the internet and that’s basically its entire purpose.

Hired!

Where can I find that "Talirico-like" Church where followers believe and practice what is preached?

Karl Marx was the father of sneezing into your elbow.

The degree to which Trump is just riffing/winging it on the war is really something to behold. Just kinda..musing

🎶 Jasmine, Jasmine Crockett, the woman does not know fear!🎶

when i’m trying to take a nap but the nap ain’t trying to take me

Sorry if you have a heart attack near me because I only know CPAP and at least you will not get sleep apnea.

Sorry if you have a heart attack near me because I only know CCR and Proud Mary’s gonna be the last thing you hear

it’s almost as if that fifa peace prize didn’t mean anything at all

accidentally wore a soup stained shirt today and now I’m head of the physics department at Berkeley

The judges in WV have seen enough.

They say that if the ICE continues detaining people in ways they have unanimously deemed illegal they will start issuing civil fines and contempt findings — including against state officials who help them carry it out.

storage.courtlistener.com/recap/gov.us...

A person wearing a chicken mask squatting inside a chicken pen with several live chickens.

“Hello, fellow chickens.”
“Nice try, narc.”

Wrong hat. He should wear this one:

It's AI. There are no rats.

It's AI, there are no rats.

when a percussionist does coke it is called a drum line

FOX NEWS Fox News @FoxAndFriends Chick-fil-A is officially America's favorite fast food restaurant Chick-fil-A Inc @ChickfilA Imagine if we opened on Sunday's. Had to give everyone else (like Wendy's) a chance to make money Wendy's @Wendys Your mom is a hoe

Wendy's bringing all the Gen-X smoke!! 🔥🔥😂

I put President Trump’s immigration enforcement officials on notice.

After he leaves office, federal agents and officials who have broken the law during this cruel mass deportation effort can still be prosecuted and held accountable for their violations of the Constitution and federal law.