The Wizard of Awes.

Karl Marx was the father of sneezing into your elbow.

The degree to which Trump is just riffing/winging it on the war is really something to behold. Just kinda..musing

🎶 Jasmine, Jasmine Crockett, the woman does not know fear!🎶

when i’m trying to take a nap but the nap ain’t trying to take me

Sorry if you have a heart attack near me because I only know CPAP and at least you will not get sleep apnea.

Sorry if you have a heart attack near me because I only know CCR and Proud Mary’s gonna be the last thing you hear

it’s almost as if that fifa peace prize didn’t mean anything at all

accidentally wore a soup stained shirt today and now I’m head of the physics department at Berkeley

The judges in WV have seen enough.

They say that if the ICE continues detaining people in ways they have unanimously deemed illegal they will start issuing civil fines and contempt findings — including against state officials who help them carry it out.

storage.courtlistener.com/recap/gov.us...

A person wearing a chicken mask squatting inside a chicken pen with several live chickens.

“Hello, fellow chickens.”
“Nice try, narc.”

Wrong hat. He should wear this one:

It's AI. There are no rats.

It's AI, there are no rats.

when a percussionist does coke it is called a drum line

FOX NEWS Fox News @FoxAndFriends Chick-fil-A is officially America's favorite fast food restaurant Chick-fil-A Inc @ChickfilA Imagine if we opened on Sunday's. Had to give everyone else (like Wendy's) a chance to make money Wendy's @Wendys Your mom is a hoe

Wendy's bringing all the Gen-X smoke!! 🔥🔥😂

I put President Trump’s immigration enforcement officials on notice.

After he leaves office, federal agents and officials who have broken the law during this cruel mass deportation effort can still be prosecuted and held accountable for their violations of the Constitution and federal law.

You're the W.O.A.T.!

Show off.

if self deprecating was a sport i’d really suck at it

Next month features Friday the 13th, π day, and St. Patrick’s day in a 5 day span. Plan your PTO wisely

I grew up poor white trash and I can’t tell you how much appreciation that has given me for being a middle class family scraping and clawing from paycheck to paycheck

Truly I loathe the responsibility attached to being so fucking phenomenal

I thought I was watching "SOTU Address" but it was "Cocaine Bear"

When a Hooters gets closed and boarded up, it's called a Hootertectomy.

Karoline Leavitt and Pam Bondi protecting the Epstein files.

“i’m still punk” i whisper to myself as i write “i’m still punk” on bsky dot app

I'm surprised at the lack of "Home Alone" style pranks not being done to Ice agents.

early worm gets the bird 2 worms watching a worm strangle a bird, 1 says “fuck him up gary”