Uncle Duke

Message reads "Delivered today - Your package was received by neighbor Dude at door 10 - Received by or left at: Dude."

Jeff Bridges as "The Dude" from The Big Lebowski.

Vintage black & white photo of a man in a suit holding a chart and a pointer. The chart shows the "SIZE OF THE DONUT HOLE DOWN THROUGH THE YEARS" with illustrations of donuts from 1927, 1937, and 1948

Important scientific advancements have slowed considerably since 1948.

A very concerned feminine hygiene vending machine

When she’s hysterically crying because she had to throw away spoiled lettuce and you’re afraid things could turn bad

A framed yellow door sits at the end of a path between two rows of hedges. Behind the door is an open meadow.

Exhausted and dehydrated, I slowly walk the last few steps. “This has to be it,” I think to myself. Taking a deep breath, I close my eyes and turn the handle, whispering a little prayer as I step through. I open my eyes and the last trickle of hope leaks away. I am still in IKEA.

A cat completely tangled up in tape from a cassette.

♫ psycho killer, cat cassette ♫

Poster by buffet reads "DON'T THE FOOD WITH BARE HANDS - Use the concern spoon."

me: *reaches for spoon*
spoon: you doing ok? you look tired

Two ducks sit in the back of a police cruiser.

quack dealers

“SHCOOL” painted on roadway leading to buildings ahead.

sean connery’s alma mater

In an ironic turn of events this spraycan of WD-40 has rusted shut

Ravioli are just savory Gushers

Thinking about installing an above ground basement.

Who called it smog instead of the air apparent?

Tenants and landlords making spitefully generous rental agreements in your own head is not how thinking about someone is supposed to work. I invited you to stay in there, don't sign anything unless it's a guestbook or repurposed casts to use as armrests for the guestbook chair

My purse doesn’t know you either

Every website ever

Do you try to make the emoji face while you're posting it or are you normal?

“Stop me if you’ve herd this one.”

- shepherd dad humor

[meeting]
Boss: Anything you want to add?
Me: [furrows brow in vain attempt to look thoughtful]
Boss: Why did you say "furrows brow in vain att

We’ve been at the county fair for 20 minutes and instead of going on rides with the rest of the kids my daughter has been asking me detailed questions about my job & the company I work for. Turns out she heard me call the parking lot attendant “boss” and took it literally.

Juan Soto? The guy from Star Wars?

the fucking gall of Alvin to name his band ‘Alvin and the chipmunks’. As if he’s not a fucking chipmunk too

Apparently, if you break every law at once, they can't do anything to you.

I know I should drink a glass of water, but I would rather just suffer instead

It's always best to put things a few very different ways, even if you're especially if you're explaining that words decorate an idea and where you place them is oh look, the action fell asleep. Let's trim its nails and do its homework.

Life was simpler when you just gathered figs and ran from hungry bears, holding your figs

Getting tired of waiting for fashion to finally celebrate the fupa in a meaningful way

You can always tell a lover of classic movies by how they pronounce "fragile".

What do people who say "Please excuse the mess" when their house looks like a museum, want from us?

It’s too bad Frodo didn’t have access to my car because he could have done away with the One Ring forever by just dropping it between my car seats.