Uncle Duke

A squirrel in armor.

“Great, now I have to pee.”

La, la, la, la, la, la

A horse looks out from the window of a brick apartment building.

Having just been through the desert carrying a guy with no name, it felt good to get out of the rain.

Two turkeys stand outside the front door of what appears to be a suburban home.

Every year about this time, Leonard and Estelle went to go stay with her sister Carol in Toronto until the heat died down.

Malamute (or husky) sitting on a couch, legs folded over the arm, smiling.

my dad about to tell a funny story that isn’t nearly as funny as he thinks it is

The football should give the players a little shock to defend itself

it’s called 7-eleven because it’s open 7 hours eleven days a week

The problem with climate change is we have to convince a bunch of people that future people are actual people, when they don't even believe some currently alive people are people.

Too many X accounts are bots. Delighted to be on Bluesky where you're all just figments of my imagination

A fellow female dog walker didn't return my wave and believe me, I get it.

During the once and only once time that it was happening you were thinking "This is significant. I'm going to take notes. Those notes will be turned into books and books become lore." No, but in the margins was gold for a side by side reaction video

When calligraphers get mad they send strongly lettered words

NASA just got a rare look inside Uranus oh ffs c’mon 🤨

OH. COME. ON.

Pro tip:
If they aren’t serving crackers and cheese, find another orgy.

[Emergency Room]

dr: I agree it’s unsightly but it’s only a rash

me: but it really hurts to sit on, doc

dr: just apply this lotion, if it’s still bad in a week see your own dr

m: but doctor—

dr: no your regular physician is fine, it doesn’t have to be an ass specialist

There will always be a special place in my heart for my atrioventricular septum.

having a wood chipper would be fun

When you find yourself in bear country always carry a steak to throw at any hungry grizzlies that cross your path so they know how delicious you will be.

Malamute (or husky) sitting on a couch, legs folded over the arm, smiling.

my dad about to tell a funny story that isn’t nearly as funny as he thinks it is

Two turkeys stand outside the front door of what appears to be a suburban home.

Every year about this time, Leonard and Estelle went to go stay with her sister Carol in Toronto until the heat died down.

A cat is gripping the steering wheel of a car, looking in the direction of an unseen passenger and appearing to speak.

"Get in!"
"But-"
"NOW."
"Okay..."
"Were you followed?"
"What?"
"WERE YOU FOLLOWED?"
"I don't think so."
"You have your passport?"
"I'm not sure."
"Never mind, open the glovebox."
"Alright. Hey, wha-"
"You know how to use that?"
"Frank, what-?"
"Better get used to calling me Jim."

A black and white cat hanging upside down from a scratching post, looking at the camera with wide eyes.

Dawn had to keep reminding herself that this was just temporary, and she was only doing it to put herself through law school.

oh sorry, can’t, the holidays are my busy time *continues to stare at the wall*

adorable if literal:moth balls

apostrophe is short for a piece of shit trophy

The best way to avoid unnecessary arguments with your spouse is by not having one in the first place.

Tune in tomorrow for another secret the Illuminati don’t want you to know.

"Lunchables" is a good name because it doesn't make any grandiose claims: "This is able to be eaten as lunch."

Someone compliments you on your porcelain skin. How does it feel to be compared to a toilet?

Never be afraid to avoid new things.