They asked me to leave the aquarium because my powerful emotions were making the other patrons uncomfortable.
I built a home inside a hollow tree.
sliding into the pond with nary a splish. pretty soon im fast asleep beneath the rushes
Discreetly tucking my intestines back into my stomach and continuing the guided tour.
I’m being seduced by the rhythm of the late afternoon.
Every single living thing on earth is going to be dead in six weeks
in two years time i will be living in a convent in the badlands of spain and none of this will even matter to me anymore
opening my window so i can build a snowman in my studio apartment
Late at night is when the guilty suffer.
It’s dog shit all the way down
A disgraced mechanical engineer created a computer language that can speak with God. But God blocked him after he said some off color things about quantum physics.
The long dark night of your hole.
Seems my farmhand got tangled up in the chicken wire again. I think I will allow him to die this time.
i get it brother, but sometimes we have to cheer from the sidelines
ℹ️: Nothing in this app will bring you closer to enlightenment, do you wish to continue?
I will inform my many hogs.
If I had that much corn I would never want for anything again.
If you start enough fires you can win every game of Hide and Seek.
Whenever my children disappoint me I get in the pool and scream underwater. Occasionally I pass out and must be dragged from the water by my butler.
The forest floor is littered with various corpses.
I started drinking heavily at 14 but it didn’t stunt my emotional growth at all, my emotional maturity kept growing like a beautiful flower
I think it made me a deeper and more interesting person. Especially the time I was really drunk and stepped barefoot into a rotting possum.
That's how I feel when lick a battery.
Does your tummy ever hurt?
We got a substitute judge today. It's cool, we are just watching The Firm. He did sentence me to death though.
Accidentally putting my hoodie on backwards, the hood covers my face and I instantly collapse to the floor, asleep like a trained falcon
Imagine hating me. Pretty easy, right? I was cursed by a magic mirror. I didn't ask to be like this.
