Frank Trivieri / 🇨🇦🇮🇹

A Jehova Witness came to the house yesterday. I invited him in and made him coffee. I asked what he wanted to discuss. He replied, hell if I know, I never got this far before. ⛪️☕️🤨

My wife is a radiologist.
We met when i came in for an x-ray.
I always wondered what she saw in me. 🩻💕

A dental hygienist and a manicurist entered a boxing ring.
They fought tooth and
nail. 🦷💅🥊

I asked my wife what she wanted for valentines. She said nothing would make her happier than a diamond necklace.
So I got her nothing. 💎💝

I finally saw my doctor and showed her the rash on my groin.
She just ignored me and kept pushing her cart through Costco. 👩‍⚕️🛒🍆

A survey was done on ladies preferences of men’s legs.
10% said they like long legs
20% prefer short legs
The rest prefer something inbetween.📊🦵🍆

Smaller babies may be delivered by stork but the heavier ones need
a crane.🚼🪿🏗️

There is a new Disney movie about a transgender whale.
It is called “Maybe Dick” 🐳🍆

I went to a costume party dressed as a screw driver.
I turned a few heads!🔩🪛

You may have seen a Bull Terrier in the show. But it wasn’t our dog…lol

Bad news on the stock markets today. The producer of Charmin touched a new bottom.
Thousands of investors were wiped clean. 🧻🚽💩

Once, I was in a porn movie!
I was the husband who leaves the house before the plumber arrives.🪠🎥🎞️

Our local barber got busted for dealing drugs.
Crazy, I’ve been going to him for years and never knew he was a barber.💊💈✂️

What did Simba say to the slow bus driver?

Movfassa!🦁🚌

What did the beaver say to the tree?

It’s nice gnawing you!🦫🪾

Why couldn’t the blind man see his friends?

Because he was
married!.🕶️💍👨‍🦯‍➡️

A scientist created a laughing gas that also works as a laxative.
It’s just for shits and
giggles.🃏😜💩

When is milk chocolate day?

After kissing my wife on the couch she said “let’s take this upstairs…”
“Ok,” I said. “You grab one end and I’ll grab the other.” ❤️🛋️

Did you hear about the girl who ate bullets?

Her hair grew out in
bangs. 🚄🔫👨‍🎤

What do you call 2 octopus that look the same?
Itenticle!🐙🐙

I tried to be a tailor, but I just wasn't suited for it.
I just did a sew-sew job.🧵🪡

How did the university student cross the ocean?
On a scholar-ship.🎓🛳️

How do you cook toilet paper?
You just brown it and throw it into the pot! 🧻🚽💩

At the thieves convention, there was a standing ovation for the guy who specialized in stealing boat parts. He took a bow. 🦹🚢

Did you know clocks refuse
to work when they get too ticked off!🕛🤬

Today we can expect rane, thundur and litenin.
A bad spell of weather.☔️⛈️🅰️🅱️

I told my doctor that every time I bend down, I see Mickey Mouse and when I stand up, I see Donald Duck. He said, "It's okay. You're just having Disney spells."🐁🦆

Got kicked out of the coffee club for wearing a tea shirt.☕️👕

My mom always said, “Nothing good happens after 2am.” I thought she meant I should party less in college. Then I found out I was born at 2:03am. 🕛🧑‍🍼😭