SPL𝑰CER

as you all can tell, the autobots are a lovely bunch . open enrollment starts today .

frag off, the only relationship i'm willing to dance with is my two-step part in your two-bit demise . no matter how much gaudy decor or decal you try to smather over your dried prune body, you'll be a blink and a blotch in the autobot books that no one will even read .

bragging about dispatching bots who could be as small as your tiniest digit is no boast .
that facial hair adds more weight to your words than its actual, quantifiable density .

I WILL STICK A NEEDLE IN YOUR FATASS FOREHEAD AND INJECT ACID AND IT WON'T EVEN HAVE AN ALTER FROM YOUR UTTER LACK OF A BRAIN .

i'm not here to babysit you bums. i'm here to handle business . ( BIDNESS 🗣‼️‼️)

help yourself by actually being useful for once in your pointless life, amico .

don't piss me off .
i say, while pissed off already,
clearly fuming .

( projecting period cramps i mean more parental loss on blaster, side audials wraggling in circles like wands twirling their evil spells )

OBVIOUSLY IT MEANS BLAST FURNACE GAS 🗣📣‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️

are you guys stupid .

( servo pressed against the tank of perfectly preserved and posed as if alive in nature instead of formaldehyde dinosaur chicken nuggets . )

i miss my kids .

( he growls as he rips out a metallic intestine and tosses it into the sharp ceiling fan above to rain the rest back down on himself.
guess who invented that aerial deathwheel . )

you are a mech based in COMMUNICATIONS.
THAT IS THE ACT OF TRANSFERRING .

you can TELL WITHOUT EVEN ANYBOT TALKING AND YOU ARE WASHING IT DOWN THE ENERGON DRAIN TO DO WHAT ???
HUH?
I BET YOU'RE JUST BUMMING IT ON A COUCH, LAZY AFT GETTING ALL BITTEN UP BY BLISTERS .

DISGUSTING.
DISGUSTING !!

mio dio,
do you know ANYTHING besides how to be a WASTE OF MY TIME AND A PAIN IN MY AFT?!?!???
DON'T TELL ME TO QUIET DOWN . ESPECIALLY WHEN YOU CAN'T EVEN SPELL ANY OF THE WORDS I'VE BEEN SAYING SINCE ETERNITY.
INCLUDING AND ESPECIALLY
' A '

HoW- do you NOT know WHERE. HE. IS .

melody.

optics closed as he performs emergency surgery for fun . a vent )
blaster.
i hope you don't mind 😇.
but could you tell me 😊-

WHERE THE H E L L iS tHe B o S S --!?!?!?!?????? 💢🗣📣‼️⁉️‼️⁉️⁉️‼️⁉️

i haVE-

( he needs to calm down.

walking over to ratchet's nearest victim and impaling his servos into their abdomen to squelch around their energon-coated innards as they writhed and wailed their protests against restraint.
audials slowly soothing back down, vibrating with a little humor at the

DO YOU KN O W how UNPROFESSIONAL THIS BEHAVIOR IS??? you are NOT LUCKY- but an actual animated AMBULATING MIRACLE that it was ME dialing your commline and not RODIMUS, OH you are just the WHITE HARE'S PAW of a PUTRID PAWN WHO'S BEEN SLUMMING IT UP ON THE RIGHT SQUARE AT THE RIGHT TIME, i have HAD IT

METAPHORICAL .

PICK UP THE FUCKING PHONE, YOU USELESS SACK OF LARD .

⠀

( slicer's so nice t' me . )
💭 .
😊 .

⠀

bLACKED OUT IN A BLACK HOLE.

DRUNKDRIVE YOURSELF INTO A DITCH FOR ALL I GIVE A DAMN.

WHEN I CALL AGAIN, YOU PICK UP, OR YOUR RUNTS WILL BE PICKING UP WHAT'S LEFT OF THEIR PRIMUSFORSAKEN ' pA' FROM THE PAVEMENT,

yOU HEAR mE ?!??
MUORI, CAZZO DI BRUTTA FACCIA .

i RING yOu --?!??!???

PICK UP .

I'M NOT PICKING YOU UP.
I'M NOT PICKING YOUR CALLS UP.
I'M NOT YOUR RECEPTIONIST.
I'M TOO OVERQUALIFIED FOR A PINK COLLAR JOB .
I'M IMPORTANT.
I'M BUSY.
I'M NEEDED.
unfamiliar with those words? NO SHIT.

I WOULDN'T EVEN BE YOUR DESIGNATED DRIVER IF YOU WERE

( ?!?!?!???
BAWKING AT HIS BIG AUDIAL.
WHAT?!?!?
ringing HIM?!?!?
ringing WHEELJACK???
NOT picking up any of HIS rings, but having the NERVE, the NUTS and the BOLTS! TOO!

TO RING. HIM.

LETTING IT DIAL OUT THEN COMMING RIGHT BACK WITH A VOICEMAIL )
YOU PIECE OF SLAG. DON'T RING ME ???

pet pet . )
yes. my wubby dubby. you answer jackie's comms? don't you. i know you do. such a good creation you are. you humble homunculi.

unlike SOME WASTE OF SCRAPmETAL- probably SNORING MY SANITY AWAY.

( whipping away to scream into his rabbit ear audial, nearly tearing it off from his pry )

WORTHLESS INGRATE.
ALL SO WORTHLESS.
YOU'RE ALL so WORTHLESS.

not you, grimlock. yes, you're my silly Billy. my scrunchie wrunchie. my goobie woobie. my oogie

( nuzzling a simulated dinosaur in his simulated version of their extinction except he invents ways to save them from various scenarios

to the 68930 power
comm attempt at 0027 on the dot.

voicecommail opening as an option.
leaving blaster a very calm recording. )

YOU FATFUCK. GET UP.

as high as they can on his helm, searching for the signal.. searching..
.. maybe blaster was busy trying to actually train for once instead of show-off.

... or snore-off.
...
.
he can already hear rodimus taunting him for having the obviously hopeless hope .

he finally waits out his 9056

( he cancels on the first unanswered ring then comms again, repeat, rinse, insane repeat.
it CAN'T be HIS reception. he gets GREAT reception. obviously.
perhaps even better than that little freak, red alert. nah- that would actually drive him crazy. and he's not crazy.
tall audials are raised

( alright. since that Nerd doesn't want to pick up.
sending a comm to blaster.
come on.... be Useful for once in your stupid.. downtrodden.. washed up spark .

pacing circles around his lab.
accidentally tripping over a part of his once alive experiment and cursing as he kicks it across the room )

pouting.
arms crossed.
digit tapping incessant against his arm .

pede stomping up and down.
big ol audials taking turns twitching up then down.
angered . )