📉𝙇𝙤𝙬-𝙋𝙤𝙡𝙮 📈𝙃𝙞𝙜𝙝-𝙍𝙚𝙨

The game's got a couple of unlockable characters, one of them being the infmaous Oda Nobunaga, wearing his green shirt over only one shoulder, exposing his right arm (and nipple) to our collective delight while swinging his spear above Cao Cao's head who narrowly avoids the swing by tilting his head sideways and snapping his neck in the process.

Two fierce warriors, Zhao Yun and Zhou Yu clanging their weapons together as Zhou Yu does a sort of a fencing stance with his hind leg propped up, ready to do a poking strike.

An interesting mechanic in the game is that both opponents can strike an attack at the same time, unleashing a cascading clash of combo clangs, emitting a blinding flash from the colliding weapons. However the even more blinding flash is the flashing of Sun Shang Xiang's bare bottom, dizzying the baldy Dian Wei.

Another one of the unlockable characters is a big (yet chibi) Toukichi aka Hideyoshi Toyotomi, the peasant-samurai who was once Nobunaga's sandal holder that managed to rise through the ranks and after his master's death take his place and finish the unification of Japan, here hilariously depicted as a huge chibi Japanese lord with a big head and fully untextured polygons aside from his angry cartoonish eyes.

Dynasty Warriors (PS1) (1997)

4/4

The eternally loyal and courageous Guan Yu in his full green dress and headband with his mighty pointy beard and mustache, flailing his Crescent Glaive and doing a graceful green swoosh, slicing Zhao Yun with fearsome precision.

The burly Xu Zhu about to swing his giant lollipop weapon at Zhang Fei, looking him straight in the eyes like "you're about to be in a world of pain, buster".

The Phoenix Palace is the stage of battle between Zhang Fei and the sly Chancellor of the Han Dynasty, Cao Cao himself, who is doing a crouching sword stab while his opponent dodges and tries to poke him from above with his spear, both missing their targets and unintentionally creating an accidental renaissance painting.

Your boy Lu Bu, the mightiest warrior of his time, a tall and imposing fellow and the final boss of the game, sporting a glorious red armor and white pants while swinging his Ji haldberd with a crescent blade on the shap side, this time deciding to use the dull wooden end to bonk Zhang Fei in his nuts, creating an electrifying explosion and possibly popping Zhang Fei's family jewels.

Dynasty Warriors (PS1) (1997)

3/4

Zhou Yu, the "gallant and noble warrior with an imposing fighting style", wearing a cool white outfit with awesome golden boots, doing a classic wuxia flying twirling attack above Zhao Yun's head, waving his Ancestral Sword with a golden swoosh and completely missing his opponent. Looks cool as hell though.

Taishi Ci, a "hot-blooded but old-fashioned warrior", wearing a cool traditional Chinese soldier uniform with white and black armor and red trims and details, wielding two "Steel Tusks", metal batons that seem to be emitting electricity, looking like modern shock batons, electrifying Xiahou Dun and sending him flying while shining a red glow between the fighters.

Bald weirdo Dian Wei, "nicknamed "Evil Comes," he was the fiercest general in Cao Cao's army", abstains from using his massive battle axe, instead lunging his face into fair Diao Chan's pelvic girdle, doing whatever pervy thing he's got on his mind.

A beautiful sunset lake with the even more beautiful Sun Shang Xiang, wearing a pretty pink outfit while wielding a sharp sword,doing a one leg stand while pointing said sword right at Dian Wei's face, taunting him and preparing for a stab.

Dynasty Warriors (PS1) (1997)

2/4

Zhao Yun, one of the Five Tiger Generals and often the brave hero protagonist of many Three Kingdoms legends, flailing his Spear of Shadow around, making beautiful dark blue swooshes and hitting the eye-patch wearing Xiahou Dun who is barely blocking the swooshes with the curved blade of his Sword of Spectrum. Xiahou Dun's ingame description tells the story of loosing his eye: "After an arrow pierced his left eye in battle, he gouged the yeball and swallowed it shouting, "How could I lose a gift from my parents?!"" What a badass.

A beautiful lake with a couple of towers, surrounded by a colorful forest sets the stage for the battle between the young Lu Xun who is wearing a lovely purple outfit with many dragons on it and a similarly lovely purple hat, trying to defend himself with his dual Phantom Swords from the attacks of Diao Chan, the beautiful court dancer with her long puffy trousers, flailing her maracas (Enchanted Maces) with great efficiency.

A blood red sky filled with the flames and smoke from the distant battle (looks like it might be The Battle of Chibi or "Battle of the Red Cliffs", which is also the subtitle and setting of Capcom's brawler Tenchi wo Kurau 2: Sekiheki no Tatakai aka Warriors of Fate) while two fighters are poking each other with sharp objects. The poker this time is Zhang Fei, the fierce, burly warrior with mighty eyebrows and even mightier mustache, wearing a red hat and pants and poking with his wavy Cobra spear blade at Lu Xun, successfully trimming his sideburns with great precision.

Lu Xun standing on some grassy patch near a beautiful blue lake, looking dumbfounded and holding his blades in a cross fashion as if to repel evil Christian spirits, the reason being the rotund Xu Zhu, Cao Cao's bodyguard and a warrior of amazing strength and stamina who was also known as courageous but simple-minded and lethargic, earning the nickname "Slow Tiger" or "Tiger Fool", is bouncing on his giant lollipop-looking weapon (basically a ball on a stick) and using it as a pogo stick.

Dynasty Warriors (PS1) (1997)

1/4

Happy Birthday! 🎉🎂

Just a bonus image of the character select screen with Jill & Rats because those rats are weird and quirky and adorable!

Vatlva (Saturn) (1996)

4/4

Just the most massive mess of fire and explosions, including the famous explosion from that Pyromania CD used in like every video game ever.

A tropical beach with the orange tractor and gray tank comically hiding behind two palm trees on each end, using them as cover while exchanging fire.

A sort of sci-fi generator slash oil rig platform looking arena with a central cylindrical hole with some pipes leading to a central generator with the customary red glass eye (to let you know it's destructible) and a mess of vehicles creating green warping effects and explosions and I've no idea what's going on but it looks great and even better in motion.

The snowy arena being devastated by a huge explosions, burning down the trees and it's just mayhem and destruction and won't anyone think of the rats!

Vatlva (Saturn) (1996)

3/4

Two RC-Car looking vehicles chasing each other around an oil rig flame stack, responsibly shooting explosives and dropping bombs around it in a safe and considerate manner.

The tank and pink hover jet just exploding the track and field to bits while an orange tractor looking vehicle is just waiting behind a yellow sidelines structure, not really wanting to get involved in this heated internet argument.

The airfield landing strips getting pulverized with a big explosion and a blue destructive shockwave radiating from its center while the battling bozos aren't even flinching and continue to shoot at each other as the sky is turning red.

A beautiful snowy wonderland with two landmasses floating over a blue gradient chasm of non-existence, connected only by a flimsy looking stone bridge while a blue car and a pink jet are fighting each other. If you look closely, you'll see a pack of four rats running around on their hind feet, looking all pixely and adorable! One of the many funny details in this game is that if your vehicle is destroyed, your pilots are still there and you can run around with them, getting run over and bonked around. So yeah, one of the pilots is a pack of rats!

Vatlva (Saturn) (1996)

2/4

Vatlva is a curious and beautiful arcade game developed by Ancient (Yūzō Koshiro's game dev company, the man famous for the Streets of Rage 2 OST and the devs of the Beyond Oasis games amongst other stuff) about colorful characters piloting all sorts of vehicles, tanks and mechs and battling it out on wonderful top-down viewed arenas, with up to six players on screen at the same time! It's hard to see or take screenshots of this game because the action is so frantic and the camera zooms in and out often so the actual pre-rendered vehicles are hard to see amongst all the fireworks and explosions, this time set on a few intersected landing strips and there's even a rocket just waiting there to be blown up!

A less conventional arena, this time a track and field track with a huge gray tank and a little pink aerodynamic jet with a huge cannon on top, duking it out and exchanging rocket fire while absolutely wrecking this year's budget for the Olympic Committee.

The pre-rendered character select screen with a green rocky field and a nuclear blast in the background. The select cursor is currently hovering over the gray tank, piloted by Cosmo & Gomes, two weirdos wearing red berets with a little skull emblem on them. Cosmo is a thin, ghoulish looking dude with long white hair, resting his hand on his friend's head while the chubby round Gomes is licking a green lollipop with his eyes wide open and looking like he's about to murder that candy.

A nice tiny tropical island with a lot of beach and palm trees is being wrecked by a blue car, an orange tractor, a white quadrupedal spider bot a gray tank that's just sitting on the sidelines, waiting for the dust to settle to swoop in and take all the glory.

Vatlva (Saturn) (1996)

1/4

Thank you! 🙌

Thank you so much! Yeah I had a nice time and had some cake (with lots more to spare 👀) so it's pretty good! 💖

Thank you and happy birthday to you! 💖

Oh I assure you my knowledge of the game's lore is minimal to negative at best 😅

Hi personal promotion man here, it's my birthday so I'm doing a little stream, feel free to hop in but don't have to but anyway hey!

Thanks!
It's always a treat for me to hear that people enjoy my ramblings 😅

Indeed it is! Which makes him stand out even more when the other enemies in the game are pixel art drawn, like that vampire lord guy.

Jumbling Jim being startled by a tiny little green kobold that's only slightly more green than the rest of the ground so it isn't surprising that Jim didn't notice him, so he grabs his sword and starts swinging wildly.

Jim, all dressed up in a nice metal armor with a shield and sword in hand, at the gates of the vampire's mansion with a sign saying something to the effect of "you'll die if you go inside".

However, there's just some annoying bats, a nice grandfather clock and three shiny chrome full suits of armor with spears and shields, looking like they'll come alive at any moment. Jim looks like he just pooped his pants, possibly because he did.

Turns out ol' vampire guy is a freaky pervert that likes to flash his visitors, currently doing just that by spreading his arms in a T-pose and showing off his glowing boobs and dingle dongle, the glowing orb of light almost blinding Jim who's trying to cover his eyes with his shield. The health damage was significant but the mental damage - devastating.

Virtual Hydlide (Saturn) (1995)

4/4

Jimmy Jams strolling the wild countryside, full of dirt, shrubs and grass, covered in a mystical mist and some mountains rising in the distance. Turns out one of the trees is a bit more lively and likes to run around, showing its sharp teeth and delights in munching on unsuspecting bumbling oafs, like Jim here.

Jimmy looking around left and right as if to cross a busy street (there's no street, and also it's a medieval magical land so no cars either) because he saw a circle of upright monolithic stones surrounded by peculiar red plants and in the center, a glowing pink crystal, serving as a teleportation point between other such crystals, probably existing in a quantum entangled superposition and some such. When not teleporting, the pink crystal can be found at its house and serving as a shopkeep for his daily job. Even quantum pink crystals need to eat you know!

Jim just being excited to run through an ancient thick forest. Often times this game can look really nice in a chunky, gritty kind of way.

Mr. Jim rummaging through the vampire's private coffers, going through every room and trying to find some gold amongst all the underpants with little pink bats on them.

Virtual Hydlide (Saturn) (1995)

3/4

Jimmy boy running around the graveyard, swinging his puny dagger and somehow managing to explode a zombie, with all of its yellow gunk and entrails gushing out of its newly created orifices.

Jim Jam inside the vampire's mansion, inside a fancy room with huge indoor windows that look out into the hallway and a glass orb on a pedestal. It's not the best view in the mansion but it'll do.

Jim stumbling into a peculiar ordered formation of trees, neatly growing side by side in several straight rows and hearing a jingly sound originating from one of the trees. Could this be...

It is! It's a fairy! I neglected to mention that Jim is on a quest to defeat the evil demon Varalys who coincidentally turned the princess Ann into three fairies, which honestly scientists still haven't even begun to investigate what magically separating your consciousness into three separate entities does to your psyche. I'm sure the princess will be fine.

Virtual Hydlide (Saturn) (1995)

2/4

Our hero, the young knight named Jim (that's his actual name but will henceforth be refereed to as Jim), running like an oaf towards a stone bridge he just saw because it's finally something else than endless dirt, shrubbery and trees. The area across the river and bridge also show an actual hill, surrounded by some trees!

Jim wearing his jankiest leather armor and brown peasant clothes, visiting a spooky graveyard that's completely overgrown and scattered with decaying gravestones. Luckily, the living dead have risen from their graves so there's something to swing your dagger at.

Jim managing to find a sword and leather shield and visits the private chambers of a vampire lord, swinging his sword and making the pixel-drawn Dracula freak out from the magically infused blade. Holy enchantment Bat Man!

Our hero looking more and more like a knight after finding an actual metal armor, deciding to delve into some deep dungeons and running into a Will-O-Wisp, blue ball emitting lightning and spooking Jim senseless.

Virtual Hydlide (Saturn) (1995)

1/4

That's a very cool low poly rat and I love him!

Also thanks for pointing out that thread, it's amazing.

Lovely to see you back!

A big enemy cruiser that's shaped like a DOOM Eternal shotgun, or rather like your typical Zentraedi battleship, shooting hot homing lava balls at you while also occasionally exploding from the rear part. They must've made a stop at a Taco Bell on the way here.

A space platform orbiting a brown poop planet, looking like a factory in space or a CTF level in Unreal Tournament '99, seen from Omega's first person POV while shooting and exploding some bits on the station and dodging little red turret blasts.

Omega Boost down a cyber-shaft, managing to narrowly get out while a giant spider-bot is chasing him but running out of the tight space to crawl around so it starts exploding and causing orange hot sparks all over.

An earlier approach to the poop planet with a very cinematic shot of a distant nebula behind and distant long light streaks announcing the arrival of the evil armada. It's the most anime shot you ever did see.

Omega Boost (PS1) (1999)

4/4

A giant kinda-pentagonal shaped space station behemoth of a ship with brownish curved sides, pokes it's giant red glass eye and sends a squad of Not-Tie-Fighters at you, creating endless opportunities for you to look awesome while you're blowing these suckers up.

After disposing of all the little cannon fodder ships, Omega rushes down in a valiant swoop downwards, unleashing a barrage of green lasers at the glass eye center which in turn is shooting red rings of plasma that are just too big to hit Mr. Boost. We see this epic conclusion of two forces battling each other from a very far away wide shot and it looks dang epic.

By now we've learned that Omega Boost likes going down huge wide cyber-shafts so this is no different, but this time he's being chased by a huge cyber ring with a big fat red laser across it, rushing downward and trying to cut Omega like an egg slicer.

Another shot at the sunset planet, this time from Omega Boost's first person, looking at the boss ship, shaped like a folded tortilla, dropping like a hundred bombs while on a path right above your head.

Omega Boost (PS1) (1999)

3/4

Mr. Boost gently descending down a seemingly endless cyber-shaft with lots of panels and greebles and light blue neon lights, making it all look like he's being digitized into the TRON world.

Omega orbiting a desert planet with a couple of hundred of real vector points for stars when he's suddenly attacked by Beta Boost, a cream and purple mech created by the AlphaCore AI, designed to destroy Omega, which it's currently attempting by shooting hot rays of plasma at him.

Omega Boost flying towards the camera over the hazelnut colored skies (yum!) while a squad of five in-formation fighter jets are flying past and above him, clocking him and ready to swing back and shoot at you.

What ensues is so intense and horrifying that I've just zoomed in for a very close look at Omega Boost while the fires and explosions around him reflect off of his chromedome armor, making him look like the Terminator endoskeleton when he's walking out of the fire.

Omega Boost (PS1) (1999)

2/4

One Lester J. Hemming piloting the super powerful Omega Boost mech, oh mega boosting through space, holding his giant laser gun forward while leaving trails of green plasma swooshes behind him. This is a seriously awesome space shooter made by Polyphony Digital of Gran Turismo fame and even though the screenshots look great, the game looks infinitely more cool in motion with a very smooth framerate and literally hundreds of motion particles and debris flying around. Also famously mentioned in Eiffel 65's My Console, right between Gran Turismo and Bloody Roar.

The Omega Boost hovering inside a cylindrical sci-fi hall with a floating white robot thing that extends its limbs and parts outwards, revealing its pulsating core and holding all of its detatched bits with sparkling hot fiery electricity, which is by the way obviously rendered in actual vector lines so they scale with the high-res graphics and look even cooler! Also this game has an insane story about an advanced AI AlphaCore that is in war with humanity (it's our fault) and sends a tampered vacuum tube with a virus into the past to infect ENIAC and ensure its existence in a predestination paradox. I KNOW, AWESOME RIGHT!?

A high-altitude air battle between mechs on a rocky desert planet during a lovely sunset, flying high above through the clouds and unleashing a barrage of missiles, Itano Circus style, with lots of explosions and shells flying all around in high detail.

A desolate desert with an impossibly devouring darkness enveloping everything in an extremely short radius so it makes the world looks like an endless desert with a pitch-black fog, only made even more terrifying by having a giant spider mech with weird cyber-growths on it and a big amber eye. The Omega Boost is rushing towards it in a heroic (and possibly stupid) fashion with like a hundred little motion particles swooshing about like sparkling wildfire.

Omega Boost (PS1) (1999)

1/4

Hahah thank you! I'll steal that for another potential Zelda screenshots post 👀

Sion the Wind Dragon Master, a short haired blonde girl wearing a green shirt and white pants, looking like a typical fantasy elf sans the ears, riding a cute green dragon with a uni-horn and a little :3 face, currently throwing a little cute whirlwind at Rubone, dizzying his dumb face.

Hero protagonist Kain the Thunder Dragon Master on his armored blue dragon, swinging his long anime hero sword at Captain Eirorna who narrowly dodges the blade thanks to her cute white fluffy dragon who is shouting "dude you almost sliced me with that thing jeeez!"

Keyaki doing a fiery flying rush with her red dragon at Kain, bonking his blue dragon's head, making him do a loud "OOOWWWWAAH".

Magical Girl Tina pointing her Sailor Moon-esque magic wand at Garnic, magically creating a larger extendo-wand, bonking the green dragon in the noggin, making it rear back and almost throw his rider off its back. Don't mess with Magical Girl Tina.

Touryuu Densetsu Elan Doreé (Saturn) (1998)

3/3

A closeup of Rubone, the scrawny old man chugging on some neon-purple glass bottle while holding his long scythe over his shoulder, thinking of new ways to mix poison with alcohol and make a stronger drink.

Magical Girl Tina riding on a fluffy orange cat who is just a giant head with ears and limbs and a tail who is actually a magical dragon called Tanumamu, looking all cute and doing an uwu face.

Hot witch sorceress Marielle just casually sideways-sitting on her pink dolphin dragon, with her stupid sexy short vest and stupid sexy anime boobs and blue witch's hat.

A closeup of Keyaki's winning pose, sneakily crouching on her red dragon, looking all stealth-like while holding her deadly daggers.

Touryuu Densetsu Elan Doreé (Saturn) (1998)

2/3

Kain the Thunder Dragon Master (seen on the right, riding his blue dragon) and the missing king's son leads the knights on a quest to defeat the menacing Kaiser Dragon but is temporarily distracted by Levie, the Dark Dragon Master and the guardian of space and time who has tracked down Kaiser Dragon to this time and seeks to destroy it as well. Your typical misunderstanding that results in a whole episode of fighting each other to see how strong they are and then realize they're on the same side so they join forces and then kiss.

The peace of the grand palace with a huge red-carpeted staircase leading to a massive angelic statue is disturbed by the clash between Eriorna the Light Dragon Master, the blonde Captain of the Royal Guard riding a cute pink dragon, currently being slash attacked by Keyaki the Fire Dragon Master, a dark haired kunoichi wielding two daggers and riding a fuchsia colored spiky dragon, seeking the Kaiser Dragon's tail to use it to cure her incurable disease, which I'm assuming is what the lower right UI indicator saying "D-POWER LOW!!" is all about. That's alright Keyaki, everyone's got low D-power now and then.

Rubone, whose name sounds like a Pokemon, is a scrawny, nasty man wearing purple robes and something like a kofia hat and is the Poison Dragon Master, riding a menacing black dragon with a huge bulging head, looking more like a whale or an Evangelion angel with many flat teeth. The dragon is doing a sonic wave attack at his opponent Garnic and his green dragon, meaning doing a shouting attack and not throwing Sonic the Hedgehog who's just waving at someone.

A beautiful orange desert sunset is the romantic stage for Marielle the hot blonde witchy magician riding a cute pink dolphin-like dragon who is shooting huge pink hearts at Gulf the Earth Dragon Master, hitting both him and his earthy brown dragon right in the face with her unrelenting love.

Touryuu Densetsu Elan Doreé (Saturn) (1998)

1/3