Katie Rainbow

I am wildly intolerant to onions, which makes my life a fucking misery. I recently read that digestive enzyme complex couple potentially help this, so I'm having my first onion rings since a particularly brutal incident a couple of years ago. Should be interesting to see if it works.

I'm feeling like more of an alien than a human. I don't really know how to navigate existing anymore. I feel like I haven't withdrawn enough and I'm still too much. And even saying all this I realise how fucking self centred I am and I do make everything about myself. I just wish I didn't feel.

Had my first interview in over a year, just supposed to be a casual chat but jesus wept, I can't sell myself anymore, I kind of have no idea what my skill set even is or what I've done or can do. Like it's to be expected, my confidence is kind of more shot than ever, but I used to be good at this.

That does sound really nice 💞

Obviously I take internet tests that are trying to get you to download their app with a pinch of salt, but this isn't great 😞 fuck my life. I miss when things felt like they were getting better.

At least there is wine and judging trashy humans at the end 💞

It's when I knew my partner really liked me when I said something about him going home to recharge from peopling and he said "you don't count as people". It's always the biggest compliment from an introvert that you don't drain their social battery 💞

Because you know, I haven't had my meds messed around enough in the last 14 months 😂

Increasing my mood stabilizers since my mental health has completely plummeted the last month. I don't know how much more of life I can actually fucking take if things don't get better.

And even then, seems from outside perspectives it's debatable whether anything is working. More and more I'm just getting tempted to give it all up and stop taking everything. I know it's the worst idea and I'd be a state, but trying to figure this shit out is just becoming not fucking worth it.

Was supposed to be upping the dose of ADHD meds today, but last night my heart spent about an hour feeling fluttery. Messaged the doctor who said reduce the dose today, I've just had a couple of palpitations 😞 this is going to be another saga like trying to find an antidepressant all over again.

Just remembered I had a stranger compliment my outfit earlier, and it was nothing special, just my everyday clothes, which kind of makes it even nicer 🥰

Watching Temptation Island and one of the participants is called Alexa. Her partner just said "Alexa I love you" which triggered my actual Alexa and she sang a little I Love You song 🤣 funnier than it should have been.

Slightly better than playing FFIX and discovering the orchestra toured nearby about a month before (at least that one comes by regularly)

> plays Spiritfarer
> falls in love with the characters and the story and the music
> finds out there's an orchestra that tours the music
> orchestra is playing London in a few days and mostly expensive seating left
> realise you have plans anyway and feel minor relief but also FOMO

Just started Spiritfarer, it's a visually stunning game with a lovely premise, but my god it's just another game to despise fishing in.

This is still cracking me up 🤣

Or it would be if I wasn't hanging.

I can't even focus on my phone or my game for longer than ten minutes. Yay for starting a new ADHD med regime meaning titration starts from scratch so I'm back at a low dose that does nothing. I'm worried I just won't find anything that works, especially after the fucking antidepressant saga.

I had a brutal and necessary therapy session earlier and now I just can't move. I need to put on laundry, I need to get some washing up done, I really should have gone to my volunteer job since I didn't go yesterday. I'm just screaming at myself to just get the fuck up and I can't move at all.

Hold The Line is definitely my new karaoke song.

Thank you internet for calling me the fuck out 😞

Tonight was just wonderful, I love you so much ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜

I'm sorry I'm too much of a wimp to actually kill myself. I'm sorry I can't bring myself to actually free everyone of the burden my existence is. I'm sorry for everything. I thought I was on a path but apparently I just make everyone's lives worse. It would be a weight off for everyone.

Tw: suicide
I haven't wanted to kill myself this much in years. I haven't actively hurt myself in years until today. I literally shouldn't exist. I'm literally a fucking burden who thought they were getting better but apparently is getting worse and just needs to not be in anyone's lives.

Are you even on holiday if you don't manage to accidentally take public transport in the wrong direction at least once?

This might just be the Tylenol talking but I’m pretty sure the world would be a better place if more people were autistic

The last reel I watched before bed had Blink-182 in the background. I don't know if you've ever tried to sleep with All The Small Things furiously stuck in your head, but it doesn't work. There will be no rest tonight.

I entirely forgot it was Bisexual day of Visibility today. I just happened to be wearing a pink, purple and blue dress today 🩷💜🩵 clearly my subconscious knew when I got dressed.

The real giveaway should have been when I looked in the mirror and actually saw my reflection.

Something to look forward to next year, nice to actually get tickets for something, especially after deciding not to get Radiohead tickets this morning because they were so disgustingly expensive.

I just got tickets for Stardew Valley: Symphony of Seasons in London 😁 it's been a while since I've seen a live orchestra, so seeing one play music from my favourite game should be pretty magical 🥰