fcuk

I am manic af rn to the point it's hard to sleep
but GOD it feels good to get so much work done, this shit rules

Can I feel good all the time? Please?

Good things are happening today. :)

Feeling a lil better

Ideations hitting hard
I need a nap

Im gonna play the finals.

Im glad this page exists.
Everything feels quieter after i get the thoughts out.
I wish those thoughts would stay out.

Fucking christ, dude.

Why is therapy so expensive
Why is travel so expensive
Why is everyone their worst selves
I wish i smoked
Shit sucks sober right now
Weed just makes me stagnent
I dont move enough as it is
I need something to get me up
Caffeine doesnt cut it anymore
Why cant my brain be normal too

I want to be alone. Everything is noisy.
I know i can't be alone long. Im too dependant on others.
I feel sick.
I need better music and bottom surgery.
That'll make me feel better.
Probably.
Or probably not.
How can it feel better if you know the person who you care most about wont feel the same?

Not feeling good.
Feeling like a bad friend
Feeling like a bad partner
Feeling selfish where i feel like there's not enough done for me but i know im not doing enough for others so why would i deserve it?
Internal anger followed by internal guilt that loop into each other
Blaming everyone AND myself

I know I shouldn't and I definitely won't, but fucking christ every time I hit a depressive episode every little inconvenience and ounce of bad news compounds so heavily on me that I wish I could pick up a nicotine addiction. I can't handle this shit clean anymore, man.

I wish I could sleep but I'm currently in the "I don't fit into any space I'm invited to and everyone secretly hates me" phase of my night/morning.

I know it's not true, but the brain won't produce the sleepy chemicals so it's panicking. :)

I shoulda taken a melatonin.

Everyone is entitled to an opinion but no opinions mean as much as mine anymore. Mine are the best. Y'all ain't shit.

Also if you hate Dawntrail and your first point of contention is Wuk Lamat you can trip into the nearest canyon for all I care, cause I don't trust you.

God I talked about it before but with SHf out now I can confidently say that i have and always will hate Silent Hill fans, and i still absolutely hate Final Fantasy fans atm. Idk how yall can say SHf or FFXVI sucks but I consider it a skill issue on your parts, both games mean the world to me rn.

I think I'ma dial back some of my art, stop focusing so much on toned muscles and whatnot and just get the shape down when lining. I need to stop obsessing over perfection.
Go back to somewhat bullshitting perspective like I use to.

Idk if its just a product of losing motivation or getting older, but visualizing in my head is becoming harder and harder without reference
The more I learn about perspective and anatomy the harder its becoming to put all of the information together in my head, and my art is suffering from it

C'est la fuck or something man :)

...and then I remember the damn ZZZ ice wolf also has robot legs so I feel like I'd be ripping them off cause I also wanted to get kyu to have the butler look later in life, and they already got the ice magic thingtoo , so fuckin...

Spending a lot of my time going from "I'm losing my whimsey and wonder as an artist, everything is expensive and I'm tired and the drive to create just isn't there anymore and I don't know if I can thrive like this" to 5 minutes later being like "damn maybe kyu would look cute with some robot legs."

idk i think i had a point here but i feel like i'm babbling.

With Silent Hill, it's just nice to see them try something so completely out of left field, even if it doesn't necessarily share the same aesthetic choices that the previous games had. Hopefully the story is as out there as it's setting, cause I'm tired of seeing "someone i loved died but i forgor".

Like, I think turnbased could make a comeback in FF, but I don't think that they should necessarily give up on character action style games for the main franchise, because I never tied "turnbased" to the identity of FF. That said, I'm curious what lessons they'd learn from the success of Exped. 33

Specifically I've been thinking about this with FFXVI and SH f. I understand the sentiments about how the games should be turnbased or how SH f looks like Fatal Frame, but I'm excited to see them try something different for each, and it makes me curious what could possibly come after.

Aside from maybe a few special cases I can't think about right now, I've started taking a stance on some properties where instead of talking about what a property SHOULD be, i start thinking more on what it COULD be.
Been thinking a lot about this in regards to Final Fantasy and Silent Hill lately.

i gotta stop bouncing back and forth so often on these accounts i'm losing track of where i am

i keep accidently hitting like on stuff I already hit like on with another account 🐰💦

I don't actually believe in these things i just think it's *extremely* funny to get two bad rolls in these things, like, aren't they designed to help you feel good or something?

them bitches were stale too they gave me the misfortune cookies
"you're gonna lose your job and people are talking shit behind your back" shut uUUUPPPP

Yo what witch did i piss off in passing I got two fortune cookies that said "You will soon be changing your present line of work" and one that was ripped so it just said "- things are being said about you"

What do you think her own bathroom looks like if that's her mindset