Julie Johnston

Cat torture via 3D printed Viking helmet.

What it looks like when your pet has lost the will the fight you.

The date upon which he is going to kill me in my sleep is drawing ever nearer.

Turns out the Constitution was just a pinky promise with everyone's fingers crossed behind their back.

Does anyone have a kid I can borrow to register for school in NYC? Alternatively, I wonder if there's some way I can vote for either of these people in a couple years...

Don't threaten me with a good time.

Took a mini class on using Google AI and Gemini thoughtfully waited until my second prompt in the conversation to serve me ads as part of its response. At last, the future we were promised!

On the upside, three-quarters of players in the NHL are *not* from the US.

Suprematism, by Nikolai Suetin, 1920-21, 📸 by @tiltoncreative

How long has he been at the stage where pornographic fanfic is being written starring him?

Well look at that, SCOTUS finally agrees that the monstrously illegal tariffs are, in fact, illegal.

The simply joy of discovering (so, remembering) you have an adjustable bed frame.

Glorious. He was soooo soft. I also got to pet his big brother. And I’ve seen them in the shop before, so… I’m confident we’ll meet again.

Today's first shot of endorphins provided by an 11-week-old ruby Cavalier King Charles Spaniel puppy at the coffee shop who I eyeballed so hard from 20 feet away that his owner asked if I wanted to pet him.

Chat, I did. I did want to pet him.

They did.

DUCKS FLY TOGETHER

More men like this please (and never, ever apologize for crying my dudes).

It's corny as hell but the solution to fascism is loving thy neighbor

Not as far as I know, but now I want to ask. I have my doubts, though; she seems to care very little about sports.

I seem to have picked up my manager's habit of using "say more about that" in conversation. I wonder if she is also using it to buy herself time to avoid just blurting out, "Wow, you are totally wrong about everything and I can barely stand to listen to any more of this."

if you see someone posting "I CANT BELIEVE IT, HOLY SHIT" or "THIS IS UN-FUCKING REAL" later this afternoon know with confidence it's either someone watching "the big game" or more evidence of elite wrongdoing uncovered in the unending global pedophile trafficking scandal

But we might also have a Superb Owl who is mistaking people for mice and attacking, so be vigilant.

You should still go outside and do stuff! The actual game is in San Francisco, and Football People(tm) will be inside somewhere watching it.

Can I get Olympic medals in things like "triglyceride levels" and "far-sighted reading ability"? Having positive labs and an eye exam with no substantive changes in the same week are my wins. But fuck you and your lack of sunlight, Seattle - you kept me off the Vitamin D podium.

Me and my Seattle SuperSonics sweatshirt having a large vanilla latte at Broadcast Coffee, where they now consistently give me a discount because I’m in here every weekend morning.

Tomorrow will be all about the Seahawks. Today I’m manifesting the sports team I want to see in the world.

100 rows in.

“Still working on the sweater?”
“BLANKET.”

A series of four images of a man putting on clown makeup. The text This new hobby is the best! I've never liked anything this much before! I cant imagine ever getting tired of this! Let's go buy all the best and most expensive supplies!

This meme just punched me in the face and stole my wallet

I DO NOT. FEEL. SUPPORTED.

My current workout strategy is "pretend I'm leading a Zumba class at my standing desk."

The number of photos of Evan I packed in my suitcase on my first trip after he was born was extreme. 🫂 You got this!

John Mulaney at the Paramount

John Mulaney at the Paramount

Mulaney!