ma. carl hythlodaeus ballesteros iii

yknow when i am extremely sad i just play christmas songs so i can cry with festivity sprinkled on it

its either i oversleep or this, i am afraid nothing is better hshhs

it'll get better, right?

had a 2hr nap and uh...i still feel worse than ever...

ah man, here we go again

and i dont want to get enrolled this year i'm actually crying omg

i am heavily troubled i do really need to enroll for tomorrow and i have to earn for the tuition immediately

getting my glasses changed today + slightly irritated because my face is covered in wounds due to my skin breaking apart shhsjdkfkv

it sounds so fucking insane i dont wven know how to describe it properly, its so hard to describe

i cant feel anything oh my god,,,its like my emotions are straight up fried and unable to feel shit, i cant even get angry or properly response to something

"why you don't talk with your sister and check her–" I DONT FUCKING WANT TO IS SHE EVEN CHECKING ON ME??????? NO ONE DOEEEESSSSSSS hhdjfkfklflv

people in this household wouldnt understand what's happening and i am sO FUCKING UPSET HHHHHHHHHHhh

my head hurts and i want to perish so bAd

oouh nvm there goes the headaches why is this a thing......

despite my head kept on making noises i kinda appreciate how "quiet" it is

man it's cold,,

my head hurts and this sucks

i want to disappear so bad you don't understand man 😂

first day of 2026 and i should be happy but no, i feel absolutely dreadful, i have to fight for my will to live again

yknow i am really sorry for being miserable, i apologize for being like this and i really wish there is a way how to fix this

only if i could actually reach out and talk properly. but man, oh man. i never felt so alone. i cant approach some of my irl circles and bother them about my condition because everything sounds like i'm making it all up!!

god i would love to push it, but my entire existence is declining, i am actually in constant pain. i have to FIGHT every single fucking moment just to get that will to live.

i was never like this before. i believe that i was fully functional.

> i am already begging, actually on my knees to take a break even for a year and get myself continuously checked. i genuinely cant. do it anymore.

"but you're so close, you've got one semester left"

> i failed a subj
> i havent got my ojt
> my fucking capstone group already left me
> i an unable to graduate along with my batch

i am actually considering myself to dropout but i know it's impossible LMAO

i lost the whimsy, gang... 🥀 i lost the whimsy. 🥀

i still find it funny how i started this account being whimsy as fuck and now i'm ultracrashoutmaxxing

i thought i was already okay! LMAO i hope my head explodes someday

bro i dont want to do this anymore haha fuck

but man here we are, finding a place where i feel safe so i can at least vent out stuff. i actually can't do it anymore, i need a break and i need help.