manda🌺

A year ago today I lost my best friend expectantly in his sleep. This has been the hardest death I have ever dealt with. I still think about him everyday. Some days are fine and some are brutal. Never ever take your time with loved ones for granted.

how the fuck did i eat plain ass ramen packs all the time? this shits horrible lol

i literally am only doing it to try and save money but my god is this not good. i have to add shit to it or else it just makes me feel liek shit

also sorry if you have messaged me this week and i have not replied yet.

life is kinda lemoning right now and i'm slowly gettin back to answering ppl

ngl my last therapy session is still hitting me really hard and has been keeping me up for about a week

its makes me uneasy thinking about how used i was and why its made me scared of loosing ppl now. like just love me gd, im cute or something

282 bucks to get my tags taken care of. ya girl eating paper for a while ig lol

hes not in pain. his cancer is making his prostate push on his bladder which makes him feel like has to pee and makes him prone to UTIs. its just really stressful and feeds my depression

i love my dog so much and its not his fault he has as many accidents as he does but its tiring to have already mop the floor twice a day. Him pissing on it as its still drying is like the most defeating feeling. Its just so tiring doing it on my own while watching him die slowly

Depression is hitting a whole different level that I have never experienced before. i have no idea how to handle it anymore. Its been suffocating

i really want steak. like really bad... ;w; i wish i knew how to cook it..well, cook it so its good lol

I hate doing car stuff so much. Its always something. I got up early so I could get my license swapped over and they just told me they were opening late cause id staffing 💀

I just got up at 6am to juggle work and the time I needed so I could get this done 😭

i want to go on a legit vacation somewhere with someone. it doesnt even have to be anything crazy. a camping trip, road trip, a weekend stay at a hotel in a cool town.

i feel so bound by money that i feel like i cant enjoy an actual trip. its kinda making me sad lately.

Its just shit feeling like guys only talk to me to sleep with me instead of a genuine relationship that starts from friendship.

Makes me feel really tossed aside.

Its their loss but it does get to me some days.

The reoccurring heart ache i go thru when people stop talking to me once they realize chase to romanticize me is gone.

They also give up too fast and fail to realize being demisexual means I need to have a really close bond as a friend before even stepping that way.

why do i always get some kind of pathetic cold whenever i go touch grass and why is it always on my days off?

I am so tired of having to switch car stuff over whenever i move

literally the worst process except for in maine

insurance doesn't cover enough of either procedure.. especially after spending like 5k on my move and zeke's medical stuff.

ive just started to feel bad cancelling on ppl cause shit hurts and i dont want them to deal with it either

one of these days ill be able to actually afford an IUD or get my shit tied or something that's not pills. I'd literally love to not have crippling pain from cramps every month for something i'll never want lol

just because someone is online does not mean they are available

works already bad about that. def don't need ppl who are friends hounding me because i'm not responding to them even tho im showing as online

hahahaha whats a normal sleep schedule anymore

yeah! i love gettin stuff from my friends too. it means a lot more than i think they know. sometimes i feel shy about sending stuff to others tho ;;

missing touch is probably the roughest part for me right now. its a weird feeling missing it after so long of having it kinda thing

also someone is actively showing interest in me and i dont know what to do anymore cause it seems nice but having to start over again also feels scary. plus theyre kind of like... normal and i'm this introverted nerd who lives on the internet

i think its the fact its the first time in a very long time i dont need to check for validation from a partner and its just kind unsettling

i love doin my own thing but i miss having someone to show and tell my day to i guess

i also miss cuddles:( lol

i haven't really been able to figure out who i am anymore

its been fun learning new things about myself but there's days like this past week where i'm super confused and feel really lost. i guess as long as im just being me its fine?

i need new clothes SO bad because things dont fit anymore after loosing weight. im exploring my big tiddy goth girl phase now too. i miss getting clothes as gifts like when youre a kid lmao

i just want to go buy plants but the spicy sads is keeping me from even wanting to step outside because then that means dealing with crowds alone and hahahohboynoway right now

days like today i really miss living with someone who'll push me out the door supportively ofc

Being able to actually see my mom on mother's day for the first time in probably 15 years. Definitely something I took for granted growing up 🥹

they said it was sad but a sweet kind of sad and compared me to an animal that you leave at home while you're out doing your thing.

i never really thought about it that way tbh lmao

kinda emotional over a friends reaction when i told them that i think about my friends like all the time even when we dont talk for extended periods of time

"i bet x would like this"
"wonder what x is doin?"
"i remember when x did that"

all the time. even ppl i havent talked to in years

I love the rain but i am so tired of the mud! Every single time zeke goes out he comes back in with new muddy boots. It's so annoying to clean every time lol

i think the fucky part is that they're doing what we were going to do with the other person. that's what really makes it feel like it was a pick and choose situation

oh wellllll