Tom Hannigan

I wish I loved anything as much as spell check like the Oxford Comma.

Is it possible the Eagles beat the Chiefs so bad in the Superbowl they’re just bad at football now?

I’ve got 99 problems and that’s too many problems.

Between Ozzy and Hulk Hogan dying, it’s a rough week for people who were running wild in the 80’s.

It’s never anyone you want to die. R.I.P. Ozzy Osbourne.

Cuomo continuing his run for NYC mayor is proof that he’s doesn’t have anyone in his life that’s honest with him.

It’s that time of the night where Duolingo sends me a notification asking “…if I think this is a fucking game?”

shoutout to every idiot who believed that trump would "end the wars"

My metric for if I’m worried about Los Angeles is based on whether or not my LA friends are posting about their improv shows.

If Trump really wanted to stick it to Elon he’d tax that shit out of billionaires. That would show him.

I don’t know if I’m better at Duolingo after my edible kicks in or if I just get better at lying to myself.

Anyone who post online in all caps shouldn’t be allowed to be President. I don’t care what it says, you look insane doing that shit.

It also looks like it’s called Sprite Flea lol

I believe in you.

“Stop! Collaborate and listen!” - A middle school art teacher trying to regain control of their students.

Chicago Pope sounds more like a rejected SNL character from the 90’s than a real thing that happened today.

I don’t know why Katy Perry is getting roasted so bad online for her dancing. I appreciate any pop star who lowers the bar for the rest of us.

Just for clarification, I say “No worries,” I’m saying you shouldn’t worry about whatever we’re talking about. We’re good, but those worries are all mine and you can’t have them.

Saw Sinners a second time while visiting Amsterdam. The movie hits different a second time. Walking out of the theater and into a lobby in another country playing Alicia Keys fucked me up a little.

Being an artist is like "when i finish this art project i am going to reward myself for working so hard by making this new art project"

Over and over until you die.

One thing I love about Italian restaurants is that It’ll be the most beautiful place and with the best food in the world and without fail there will still be photos of Marlon Brando from the Godfather everywhere. The choke hold that movie still has is incredible.

He is risen.

The Pope dying right after declining to meet with the Vice President is straight out of an episode of Veep.

This.

The big plan to stop immigrants from coming to America is to make it so bad that no one will want to be here.

Just paid $30 to tell a Doctor I’m feeling better over the phone. We clearly have the best healthcare system in the world.

I’m watching John Wick 4 right now. He’s so lucky only he has good aim up close to people.

I can only keep a secret if it’s not hilarious.

President Trump is set to have a call today with Russian leader Vladimir Putin. The only silver lining to the call is that Trump is too dumb to carry out all of Putin’s instructions.

BREAKING: Hundreds of Jews and allies have taken over Trump Tower chanting “We want justice, you say how. Bring Mahmoud home now!” and “Fight Nazis, not students.”

The civil disobedience is spawned by the ICE arrest of Palestinian student Mahmoud Khalil.