d.ly

You kids go on and have some fun. I’ll just stay here and have an egg

Grandpa Simpson saying "I used to burn CDs, which does not involve fire" to the children

Talking to a new Gen Z friend

My baby called "memory" a "remembery" last night in case you needed to hear something cute tonight

oof 💔

car at a red light with a license plate todd reads GOD WHY there is also a bumper sticker that reads HONK IF YOU’VE HIT RIVK BOTTOM

yeah man

sometimes I'll see a paragraph, maybe 5-7 sentences, and say to myself: nahhh. nah, I think not

what pornhub search term is this

*breaking down in tears while hitting it from the back*

[tramp stamp] I'm proud of you

McDonald's employees have helped me 10,000x more in my lifetime than ICE agents have

fren fry

hypothetically suppose you were a cheeburger

odin, a brown shar pei/lab mix, lying on a bed looking at the camera. the background is blurred his ears are at attention and his stare is very warm and inviting and you just want to squish him with love

ODIN SKYLINE CLEANSE 🐕🖤

but are you SURE bc I can't risk learning the wrong thing, I won't be able to undo it

*plays Taps on vuvuzela*

As a species, have we considered going back to the sea

jesus fucking christ, this is heartbreaking

barking outside Kristi Noem's house just to feel something

She does seem to be untrainable.

🐦
🦵🦵

Kristi Noem should get sent to a nice farm upstate where there is lots of room for her to run and play with other Kristi Noems

you can't ban a whistle, Megyn, it's not gay marriage

I'll bookmark it for another day

ugh I have to do everything

sometimes I'll see a paragraph, maybe 5-7 sentences, and say to myself: nahhh. nah, I think not

The opposite of grilled cheese is chilled grease

meme of two girls fighting labeled noem and miller, and a guy in the background unbothered and smoking a pipe labeled ME

Nothing can prepare your soul for the first image ever transmitted onto a television

THERAPIST: how have you been?

ME: so, for this recipe, you need a corn tortilla, a slice of salami, a chunk of cheese & a dill pickle. first, place the meat & cheese onto the tortilla. microwave for 30 secs. then place the pickle onto the meat cheese pile. roll & enjoy. I call this "Pickle Tube."