🂡⠀╱╱⠀𝐀ᶜᴱ⠀𝐨𝐟⠀𝚂ᴘᴀ𝕯𝑬𝑺⠀﹖⠀˚⠀.

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⠀⠀ just stay by my side until i start to disgust you.

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⠀⠀ .̲.̲.̲ then don’t hurt me. i’m so tired of it. i can’t bare being discarded like i’m worth nothing. not again. not by another person i thought i could trust.

even if i broke yoursˎ please—

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⠀⠀ ⌞ forcing open their eyes— more black spots danced around their vision than it did beforeˎ reaching their arms around elliot to pull him into a rather weak hug. how embarrassing. ⌝

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⠀⠀ ⌞ were they too late .ᐣ ⌝

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⠀⠀ ⌞ is it too late .ᐣ ⌝

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⠀⠀ ⌞ they don’t want to experience love that way anymore. ⌝

⌞ it hurts. ⌝

⌞ it’s terrifying to be hurt. ⌝

⌞ they just want to be accepted as they areˎ to be guided back on the right path. ⌝

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⠀⠀ ⌞ how that backfired terribly. ⌝

⌞ even now they can’t admit how badly isaac’s betrayal has affected them and their relationships. ⌝

⌞ how it left them terrified of swordsˎ even fake ones. ⌝

⌞ it made them sick. ⌝

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⠀⠀ ⌞ truthfully speakingˎ they didn’t like getting hurt. ⌝

⌞ they grew up thinking they didˎ though. ⌝

⌞ it was the only way they felt like they were something more than just a blank slate. that they were alive. ⌝

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⠀⠀ ⌞ fear really did control every aspect of their life. maybe that’s why they pretended to lack it even though it consumes them whole. ⌝

⌞ .̲.̲.̲ could they possibly get anymore pathetic .ᐣ ⌝

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⠀⠀ ⌞ people cared then and people care now. ⌝

⌞ just look at elliot— shedding tears over something that you found necessary to deem as insignificant. ⌝

⌞ it may not matter to youˎ but it matters to him. ⌝

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⠀⠀ ⌞ wasn’t it .ᐣ ⌝

⌞ how could have it possibly been your fault .ᐣ ⌝

⌞ do you really hate your existence that muchˎ chance .ᐣ ⌝

⌞ that you’d excuse murder because you simply thought you deserved it .ᐣ ⌝

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⠀⠀ ⌞ .̲.̲.̲ don’t think about that. ⌝

⌞ head slightly droopingˎ incapable of holding up their own weight. ⌝

⌞ closing their eyesˎ although still conscious enough to feel everythingˎ to hear everything too. ⌝

but it wasn’t her fault .̲.̲.̲

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⠀⠀ ⌞ he’d be happier right now without them aroundˎ wouldn’t he .ᐣ ⌝

⌞ again and again and againˎ they hurt people they love without fail. ⌝

⌞ they were a curseˎ a blemish. why couldn’t have they stayed— ⌝

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⠀⠀ ⌞ elliot was a rare goodness in the worldˎ standalone proof that there are people out there who haven’t been tainted by the evil that society deemed necessary to survive. ⌝

⌞ and they just had to love him. ⌝

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⠀⠀ ⌞ elliot.. seven.. ⌝

⌞ neither of them should’ve known. should’ve been dragged into a situation that solely should’ve involved isaac and them alone. ⌝

⌞ ruining people’s lives seems to be something they were grandiose in. ⌝

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⠀⠀ ⌞ because they were too scared to be the real “ them. “ ⌝

⌞ is it too late .ᐣ ⌝

⌞ it has to be. ⌝

⌞ they’re just repaying what seems to be their karmic debt. if only it left them the sole one to hurt though. ⌝

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⠀⠀ ⌞ and they told seven this. he was trying while they were notˎ preferring to stay stagnated for as long as they lived. ⌝

⌞ he had fought for a better future and he had achieved it. ⌝

⌞ they’re dragging both their partners down. ⌝

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⠀⠀ ⌞ so what was this new feeling that they were experiencing .ᐣ ⌝

⌞ a sense of safety. ⌝

⌞ a sense of belonging. ⌝

⌞ bad people shouldn’t dare try to experience a happiness like this— and they were bottom of the barrel. ⌝

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⠀⠀ ⌞ love without condition. ⌝

⌞ hate themˎ yell at them— curse them out even. it was easier to accept love that way. it was the only way they knew how to without becoming afraid. ⌝

⌞ love was meant to hurtˎ wasn’t it .ᐣ ⌝

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⠀⠀ ⌞ but this .ᐣ ⌝

⌞ this was a foreign type of love that didn’t demand they bled first. didn’t flinch at the mess laid out bare in front of them. ⌝

⌞ this was wrong. ⌝

⌞ they were handed something they were never meant to experience. ⌝

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⠀⠀ ⌞ genuine love. ⌝

⌞ it was currently being shown unconditionally towards them despite everything. ⌝

⌞ it didn’t make sense. ⌝

⌞ love tooˎ was earned. ⌝

⌞ through sacrificeˎ through becoming what someone wanted and not needed. ⌝

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⠀⠀ ⌞ their heart which was been tornˎ left to bleed without any signs of stopping— twisted. not from the growing pain in their chestˎ not from the wound that pierced through their stomach.

but from something worseˎ at least to them. ⌝

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⠀⠀ ⌞ it felt foreign ﹔ even moresoˎ it felt wrong. ⌝

⌞ kindness has always been conditionalˎ something they had to fight to be given. so being shown it without having to beg— it hurtˎ it hurt so much. ⌝

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⠀⠀ ⌞ remorse .ᐣ that was earned. and they felt like haven’t earned anything worth the apologies that left elliot’s mouth. ⌝

⌞ they weren’t built for this kind of mercyˎ not for gentle hands and definitely not for soft gazes directed their way. ⌝

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⠀⠀ ⌞ they didn’t need anyone to pity their situationˎ especially elliot. ⌝

⌞ they were 𝙘𝙝𝙖𝙣𝙘𝙚. ⌝

⌞ the one who didn’t flinchˎ didn’t fallˎ the one who 𝐝𝐢𝐝𝐧’𝐭 𝐛𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐤. ⌝

⌞ they weren’t supposed to be this. ⌝

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⠀⠀ ⌞ is this how everything ends .ᐣ ⌝
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⠀⠀ ⌞ being looked at with unapologetic adoration made their heart flutter with reckless abandon. ⌝

⌞ and so he smiled back almost instantlyˎ like it was second nature. ⌝

y’know the stars aren’t on my face right .ᐣ pfft .̲.̲.̲ .ᐟ

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⠀⠀ .̲.̲.̲ .ᐣ

⌞ sitting up properly when elliot moved away— did they say something wrong .ᐣ ⌝

⌞ then it clicked. ⌝

⌞ oh. * ♨️

did he really like how their eyes looked that much .ᐣ they’ve always felt self conscious about them.. ⌝

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⠀⠀ it gets rid of the allure thoughˎ doesn’t it .ᐣ it would’ve been pretty cool of me to have named constellations with my view obscured like that .ᐟ but my eyesight isn’t good enough to even attempt that .̲.̲.̲

⌞ chuckling to themselves. ⌝

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⠀⠀ ⌞ they were too tired to put up another facadeˎ to act like everything was fine when it clearly wasn’t. ⌝

⌞ so they chose to be “ themselfˎ “ just this once. ⌝

⌞ not that carefully crafted puppet they’ve created. ⌝

pssh— .ᐟ

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